TCSTVS 3: What's Left of the Flag
by Tegan's Muse
Summary: Janeway/OFC Seven/B'Elanna As the relationship between Janeway and Tegan progresses they run across an inhabited world. B'Elanna is jealous of Seven's friendships and Tegan gets a gift that she isn't sure how to deal with. And things never go as planned.
1. Chapter 1

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 1

"It's been three weeks of rough travel. After being attacked by hostile forces we were finally able to pick up supplies at an outpost. We also managed to pick up a virulent strain of Hagenfraust, a virus very similar to Chicken Pox on Earth, or so I've been informed by both the Emergency Medical Hologram and Dr. Kiser. Commander Chakotay, Dr. Kiser and I have somehow managed to avoid becoming infected and it appears the still infected crew members are no longer contagious. I'm not sure what the coming weeks will have in store for us, but some smooth sailing would be appreciated." She picked up her coffee cup and stared into its contents as if she was reading imaginary tea leaves in the dregs left behind before she sat it back on the table in front of the couch in her ready room. "Computer end log."

It had been as many weeks since she and Tegan had started dating and in that time they had only managed to actually date twice; between the captain handling her duties and Tegan tending to hers which kept her busy in the infirmary during her normal duty shifts and in the bio-labs after hours.

Janeway walked up just as Tegan stepped out of sick bay. "You got your walking cast off."

"I did." Tegan glanced down then made a face at her. "No rock climbing for another week though."

"Too bad," Janeway checked the halls for anyone else. "I was planning that for our third date."

"Oh, so we're going on a third date?" She teased.

"Well, I do have to let you kiss me on the cheek."

It was Tegan's turn to check the halls, when she was sure the coast was clear she leaned in and whispered. "I thought I did that last time."

Janeway grinned. "Are you free tonight?"

"Actually I'm not, not for more than a quick bite in the mess hall anyway. Didn't you hear?"

"About?"

She was certain Tom and Harry said they had gotten her approval. "The Nightingale, I'm preforming there tonight."

"The Nightingale? That's the night club Harry and Tom designed?" She had agreed to let them run it every Friday night for four hours under an open door policy for all crew.

"Grand opening tonight at 2000 hours."

"And you're singing?" She gave Tegan her most skeptical look.

"Don't ask me how they roped me into it." It hadn't been too hard for them to twist her arm, they let her name the place after all and she had even been allowed to give input on some of the design elements.

"In that case I'll have to stop in."

Tegan glanced up when she saw a red command uniform enter. She didn't need to look up to know it was Captain Janeway, she could feel her enter a room. She blamed it on her command presence but she had never been quite so acutely aware of anyone who didn't have naquada in their blood stream before. She moved her eyes over to Tom who stepped up on the stage and announced the opening of the new nightclub, which was in her opinion much classier than Sandrine's. There wasn't a pool table; it was an upscale club with a stage perfect for a small orchestra. The tables were covered with white linen table cloths and the waiters all wore Tuxedos. When Tom announced her she stepped out from behind the curtain wearing a green evening gown that flowed behind her in a puddle on the stage. She needed to remember to talk to Tom and Harry about switching up the places if she was going to preform regularly, she didn't want to have to wear an evening gown every time she sang. She would leave that to Seven.

She blushed under the spot light and turned to the holo-pianist and gave a single nod, he immediately started playing. Halfway through the night Janeway tapped her badge and stepped out.

"Was it that bad?" Tegan asked as she stepped out of the holodeck to see Janeway waiting for her.

"No, not at all. I was called to the bridge." She let her eyes rove Tegan's body admiring how the green material flowed over it.

"I assumed that was the case." She gave her and understanding smile. "Nothing too serious I hope?"

She shook her head. "Are you too tired to stop by my quarters for a drink before you head to bed?"

"Not at all, I could use something warm and soothing."

"I know just the thing."

She crossed her quarters and handed the Vulcan spiced tea to Tegan who wrapped her fingers around it and inhaled the aroma and steam deeply before letting out a soft sigh. She sat her coffee mug down and settled on the couch beside her. "You looked and sounded absolutely wonderful this evening, I'm sorry I couldn't stay for the whole thing."

"I understand. You missed Seven though." She wanted to tell her that Seven seemed disappointed she wasn't there, but she didn't feel it was her place and she didn't want to add to her guilt complex. She still didn't completely understand the relationship the two women shared.

"I'll have to stop by astrometrics tomorrow and apologize."

Tegan wondered why it was so important but she didn't want to pry, it was too late and she was too tired to ask those kinds of questions.

Kathryn reached over and touched her knee pulling her from her silent musings. It was no more intimate an act than she had used when talking to B'Elanna except they were in her quarters. Still she felt a slight tensing of muscles and started to move her hand away.

She wasn't used to being touched or intimacy of any kind, which made it both hard to give and receive any. When Kathryn put her hand on her knee she jerked involuntarily. Even as she tried to force her muscles to relax she could feel the weight of the hand lessen. Afraid to loose it's warmth she dropped her own hand on top of Kathryn's but it didn't stop her retreat.

"I'm sorry." She stood up and turned away from Tegan. "I don't think this is going to work."

Tegan sat her untouched tea down. The guilt she had felt coming from Kathryn over missing Seven's performance was nothing compared to the intense waves she could almost sense radiating off her now. She wanted to stand but everything in her head seemed so jumbled and she wasn't sure she would be able to maintain an upright position if she were to find her feet. She licked her lips and tried to swallow the cotton ball that had suddenly developed in the back of her throat. "What do you mean?"

Kathryn turned to her but she didn't look at her. "I can't help but think this isn't right."

She had said she wouldn't be her mistake again and yet there she was. She pushed herself up, her brain telling her to flee as quickly as possible but her heart anchored her in place. Something was wrong. She could feel it in the air around them. It was in the way Kathryn looked at her ear instead of making eye contact. Tegan studied her face for several long minutes before finally speaking. "Us?"

Kathryn nodded.

"We've barely had any time to see if there is an us." Tegan argued willfully. She wasn't going to just give up on them, not this soon. The problem was she didn't know what she was arguing against.

"I'm sorry. I just can't help remembering that night." Kathryn's voice cracked as it rumbled softly over her lips.

Tegan stared at her hard. Mentally she willed her to look at her and not her ear. She stepped forward and Kathryn stepped back. "That night was wonderful."

"I raped you." Her voice was barely a whisper.

"What?" Tegan almost choked on the word. "You did no such thing."

"I might as well have." She didn't hide her self-depreciation.

"Would you look at me?" Tegan pleaded.

Kathryn brought her eyes to meet hers but they quickly slipped to her other ear.

"It's really hard to talk to you when you're looking at my ear." She reached up and cupped Kathryn's cheek pleased that she didn't pull away. She kept her hand there until she finally relented and brought her eyes back to lock with hers. "You didn't do anything I didn't let you do."

"But…" Her rebuttal was drowned out as soft lips smothered hers.

Tegan pulled back and huskily whispered in her ear. "I willingly gave you all of me that night and I look forward to doing it again." Before Kathryn could speak she kissed her again feeling, her guilt slowly melt away. "Stop beating yourself up or you'll ruin what I gave you."

Kathryn nodded a silent promise to let it go.

"I should leave." Tegan kissed her again. This time her lips were feather light. "Dinner tomorrow night?"

"Third date?" Kathryn asked a little breathlessly, she was never going to get to sleep now.

Tegan nodded. "If you'll let me have access to your quarters I'll take care of everything and you can just show up."

"I'll be here at 1900 with bells on." Kathryn smiled.


	2. Chapter 2

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 2

Kathryn stepped off the turbolift on level three. Her feet were sore, her back ached and her head hurt. All she really wanted to do was get into a hot tub of water and let her body melt like an ice cube on a hot summer's day. She hit the button on the panel outside her quarters, the doors opened with a quiet hiss and she walked in. Her stomach tightened when she saw the once warm inviting dinner spread out on the table. She was suddenly reminded of her date that night. It wouldn't have been so terrible if she had stood her up over some galactic emergency, but she had merely gotten side tracked on her way to her quarters by a small inconsequential anomaly Seven had found in her scans. They spent hours studying it in the astrometrics lab before coming back to their original conclusion; it wasn't worth the time a detour would take to further investigate.

She looked over at the couch where Tegan must have grown tired of waiting for dinner, which was completely undisturbed and drifted off to sleep. She felt remorse as she moved over to her and brushed her hair off her forehead. She couldn't let her sleep on the couch to wake the next morning with a crick in her neck. She also knew Tegan needed to remove her prosthetic and she couldn't even do that for her while she was still in her uniform. "Tegan."

Her voice had barely been audible but tired green eyes opened and Tegan pushed herself up into a more comfortable sitting position. "Hey. What time is it?"

"2400 hours give or take a few minutes."

"Late night?"

"I got side tracked, I'm sorry."

Even before the apology was on her lips Tegan was shaking her head. "You never have to apologize for working."

"But I—"

Tegan quietly interrupted her. "Never."

"I could just kiss you, you know."

"What's stopping you?" She broke out one of her biggest grins which had its desired effect.

Kathryn leaned forward and placed her hands on either side of Tegan's face and kissed her deeply.

Tegan studied her face when she pulled back. "You're tired."

"Exhausted."

"Bath?"

Kathryn nodded.

"I can draw it for you while I clean up."

Kathryn smiled and blushed lightly. No one had ever drawn her a bath before, or even offered to.

"I'm not trying to be cheesy or even forward. I plan on leaving after I clean up." She looked over at the table, cold food littering its surface.

"Actually, I'd like that but I don't want you to go. You're off tomorrow. Stay the night."

"I uh—" Now it was her turn to blush as she brought her eyes up to meet Kathryn's. It was inappropriate for her to stay the night. What would the crew say if word got out?

"You can replicate something to sleep in and I promise not to get fresh. I already told Chakotay not to expect me on the bridge until noon."

"The joys of being Captain?"

"Something like that." She smiled softly. "So, what do you say?"

Tegan nodded as she stood. She disappeared into the bathroom and came out several minutes later. "Your bath awaits."

When Kathryn came out, after her bath, she was wearing her favorite peach satin night gown. She glanced over the cleared table before looking over at Tegan and frowning lightly. "You're still in your uniform."

"I was hoping you wouldn't mind if I grabbed a quick shower."

"Help yourself." She couldn't help but ponder on how domesticated they seemed.

Tegan stepped out with her hair partially damp wearing a pair of black watch plaid shorts and a thin black cotton t-shirt, the cooler air in the open living quarters caused her nipples to stand at attention. Kathryn admired the view with a crooked smile.

"Bed?"

Tegan nodded. "Lead the way."

After she removed her prosthetic Kathryn climbed in behind her and put her arm around her waist. "Is this ok?"

Tegan put her arm over Kathryn's and grinned in the darkness. "Perfect."

She carefully extracted her arm from under Tegan's surprised they had slept the entire night like that. Her bladder had woken her with its insistence that it was filled to capacity and needed emptied. She reluctantly slipped from the warmth of Tegan's body, out of the bed and quietly padded into the bathroom. When she emerged she was dressed in her uniform and headed into the larger living room of her quarters.

Fifteen minutes later Tegan walked out to a spread of bacon, biscuits, orange juice and coffee. "I feel under dressed."

"Nonsense, you're off duty today."

"I know." Tegan grumbled lightly as she fell into a chair.

"How do you like your eggs?"

"Anyway but sunny side up." She scrubbed her palm over her face. "How many cups of coffee have you had?"

"Just one, you look like you could use a cup yourself."

She shook her head and sniffed dismissively. "Give me another minute, I'll wake up." She looked at all the food. "Are you replicating enough for the entire ship?"

"Funny." She sat a plate with two eggs over easy in front of Tegan. "Neither one of us ate last night."

Tegan reached for a biscuit as she sat down across from her with her own plate of eggs. "Is that why my stomach keeps growling? And here I thought maybe a swallowed a lion last night."

Kathryn watched her make a face as she sat her orange juice down. "What's wrong?"

"I just brushed my teeth."

"You replicated a tooth brush?"

"No, I used yours." Tegan grinned. "Of course."

"You can leave it here if you want."

"We can't make a habit of this," Tegan raised an eyebrow. "People will talk.

"Let them." Kathryn shrugged.

"Bridge to the Captain." Her first officer's voice interrupted them.

She tapped her badge and frowned lightly. "Go ahead Chakotay."

"Sorry to bother you, but we just scanned a planet that's three days from our current position via the Delta Flyer. It looks to be rich in deuterium deposits."

"I'll be there in a minute, Janeway out."

"Duty calls."

"That it does." She took a quick sip of her coffee.

"I'll take care of this." Tegan waved her hand over the table.

"Leave it, I'll get it later." She stood up and stepped over to Tegan's chair. "What are your plans for the day?"

"I don't know. I might help Neelix in the galley."

"Do you know how to take it easy?" Kathryn leaned forward meaning to kiss her on the cheek but Tegan turned and caught her lips and softly sucked the bottom one into her mouth.

When she pulled back Tegan smiled. "Not really. You might want to fix your lipstick before you report to the bridge."

"Thanks."

* * *

Janeway stepped onto the bridge with a smile on her face.

"Good morning Captain." Harry beamed when he saw her smile and hoped it had to do with his discovery of the planet.

"Morning Mr. Kim."

"Sorry Captain, I know you wanted the morning off."

"It's fine Chakotay. I was able to sleep in and enjoy a nice breakfast." She didn't mention that the latter had been interrupted.

Tom turned around and grinned at her. "I didn't know captains knew how to sleep in."

"Normally we don't." She turned back to Chakotay, her expression turned serious. "Now, tell me about this planet."

He pulled up a star chart and showed her where it was in relation to Voyager while explaining that it was uninhabited. "It looks to have very high concentrations of deuterium. We could set up a rendezvous point with Voyager in seven days, that would give us three days travel each way and a day to collect some new reserves."

"Sounds like you've got it all figured out." She raised an eyebrow. "Who were you thinking of taking?"

"Well Harry found the planet while running scans in astrometrics before his shift this morning." He paused while a smile full of pride engulfed Janeway's face as she looked at her youngest officer. "And Seven helped us plot the course. There is an M class planet nearby, about three days at present speed. We could meet you there in five to six days if you wanted to stop and check it out. Seven says there are humanoid life signs present."

"I wouldn't mind checking it out. You can take Seven and Harry and leave as soon as you're ready."

"Thank you Captain."


	3. Chapter 3

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 3

"Was there something you needed Doc—" she caught herself, not bothering to look up as the other woman entered, "Tegan."

She had eaten a few bites after Kathryn left before cleaning up the captain's quarters and winding her way down to the astrometrics lab. "I just came to see how the other half lives."

"'The other half'? Explain."

"It's just a saying. I guess I just wanted to see some of the other workings of Voyager."

"Are you off today?"

"You could say that." She looked at Seven intently. "You work long hours, how come you are never forced to take time off?"

"I regenerate when I need to and I partake of nutritional sustenance when required. I do not require rest or relaxation like other humans do."

"I don't know, you seem to enjoy some recreational activities with B'Elanna." She looked up at the large view screen and the planets intermixed with the stars on it.

"Did you come here to discuss my sex life with B'Elanna Torres? Perhaps we should discuss your sexual activities with Captain Janeway."

She wanted to ask what sexual activities but refrained. "I apologize. I just came down here to… I don't know."

Seven watched her shake her head. "In other words you are bored."

"No." She turned and looked at the cool blue eyes that were regarding her. "I thought maybe we could talk, become friends."

"An inefficient use of our time."

Tegan wondered what had ever caused her to come to the astrometrics lab in the first place. It was obvious Seven was happy as she was. They had so much in common, minus once being Borg. They were both treated differently by the Voyager crew as a whole because they were outsiders and because they had extra hardware their flesh depended on. They both grew up basically without parents and both had a certain amount of social idiosyncrasies because of it. Though Tegan was certain she was more polished than Seven, she was also aware she'd had more time to hone her skills.

"Do you not already have friends?" Seven broke into her thoughts.

"I guess, a few. I mean B'Elanna is good company and we enjoy rock climbing together. Tom and Harry are nice enough." She wasn't sure she would classify them as friends yet but they were the closest thing she had to them right now.

"What about the Captain and Naomi Wildman?"

"Yes."

"Chakotay?"

Tegan laughed derisively. "No. He tolerates me. I doubt he will ever really like me."

"Because you are with Janeway and he isn't?"

Tegan shrugged not wanting to voice her agreement.

Seven was certain Tegan had already deduced that on her own. "Neelix?"

"Neelix likes everyone. But I'm not sure that he appreciates my help in the galley all that much."

"He is only worried about his job security and that others will like your cooking better than his." Seven offered her observation. "Tuvok?"

A small sarcastic chuckle bubbled out of her chest. "Tuvok doesn't know what to think of me."

"Chakotay to Seven."

Seven nodded to Tegan and tapped her badge. "Yes Commander."

As he spoke she watched Tegan take her leave. "We've been given the go ahead, meet Harry and I in the shuttle bay in an hour."

* * *

Janeway walked into the mess hall and looked around quickly spotting her dinner companion, a small frown pulled at her lips when she realized someone had preempted her. When she realized it was none other than the young Naomi Wildman she smiled and walked over placing her hand on Tegan's shoulder.

She leaned back into the touch ever so carefully that even someone who was watching closely and knew about their relationship would have to put the movement under a microscope to glean anything from it. "Captain."

"Ladies, how are you tonight?" She looked at Naomi as she pulled her hand away and stepped to the side of the table.

"I'm fine Captain, how are you?" The young girl beamed brightly.

"I'm very well thank you." She turned to look at Tegan who didn't have a tray in front of her. "You're not eating?"

"I was side tracked by someone who needs to eat her greens." Tegan pointed to the section of the tray that housed the vegetable in question.

"But mom said—"

"And what did your doctor say?" Both of Tegan's brows crept up her forehead.

"You're not my doctor." Naomi reminded her softly.

"No I'm not, but I do know what he said at your last check up and your mom agrees."

"Fine, I will assimilate my vegetables."

"Thank you." Tegan grinned as she stood up and followed Janeway to the serving area.

"You're not her doctor?" She asked curiously.

"No." Tegan shook her head and picked up a silver metal tray. "Unless it's an emergency the doctor is taking care of the kid."

"Really?"

"I don't do kids."

"That could be a problem." She watched Tegan pick out an entrée and two vegetables and did the same.

"Why is that?" Tegan waited until they were seated at a quiet table away from anyone who might listen.

"My career isn't exactly suited for raising kids, but I haven't given up the idea completely."

"It's a little early to be having this discussion, don't you think?"

Janeway shrugged. "You just seem to be a natural around her."

"I never said I don't like kids or that I don't want them. I can't carry a child and I don't do them professionally."

Somehow her brain skipped the latter statement when it tripped on the fact she couldn't carry kids and got hung up there. "You can't carry a child? Have you talked to the doctor about it? Surely medicine has advanced a great deal since you were born."

"It's not genetics." Tegan poked at the meat on her tray suddenly uninterested in eating. "I lost my uterus in a work related accident."

"The spear?" She watched Tegan nod. She had read what there was of the report. "That wasn't mentioned in the main report."

"Yeah, I guess my fertility or lack thereof wasn't really of military interest."

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry."

Tegan gave her a funny look and then stood up and took her tray to be recycled.

"You didn't eat." She admonished when Tegan returned to the table.

"I wasn't hungry and you have no problems prying into my dietary habits." She grinned slightly. "And you weren't prying about the other thing. We have a lot to learn about each other."

"And you aren't exactly an open book."

"No ma'am I'm not." She looked up at the crewman who approached. "I should go."

"Actually…" He looked at his finger nails to make sure there wasn't any engine grease on them as Janeway nodded professionally to give Tegan leave. She recognized the dark hair and blue eyes. It seemed he finally worked up the nerve to ask her out, she hoped Tegan would let him down easy. "I wanted to speak with you Doctor."

"If you have a problem, the EMH is on call tonight."

"No." He blushed deeply as she stood. "It's of a personal nature."

She nodded and led him to an unoccupied corner where she could still see Janeway who was watching them with keen interest. "Jones right?"

"Andrew Jones, yes." He nodded stiffly and swallowed hard. "I was wondering if you were available to, for dinner tomorrow night?"

"Tomorrow night?"

"Yes." He shifted his weight from one foot to the other and back.

She looked over at Kathryn who was looking at her through hooded lids as she sipped her coffee. "I'm sorry, I've already got plans with B'Elanna tomorrow and I'm not sure dinner is a good idea anyway. Maybe we could go snowboarding with Tom and Harry sometime?"

"I don't snowboard, I ski and not very well." She wanted to tell him he was a wimp but he kept talking and it would have been rude. "And Tom and Harry only ice skate."

"What a bunch of wusses." She laughed lightly. As her eyes caught the glare she was getting from Lieutenant Arkinson. "Did you date Arkinson?"

"No." He blushed and followed Tegan's eyes. "Do you think she's free for dinner tomorrow?"

"There's only one way to find out." She didn't wait around to see what Arkinson's response was, if it was a negative one then she had somehow figured out she was with Janeway and she was jealous, or she was actually glaring at Jones and not her because she had wanted to ask her out. Either outcome was not something Tegan wanted to ponder.


	4. Chapter 4

NC-17 content ahead

* * *

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 4

Janeway walked over to the table where Tegan was sitting with her tray waiting for B'Elanna to join her. She knew she was trying to help the other woman who hadn't been separated from Seven since they started dating. She knew it had to be hard for B'Elanna knowing Seven was out there in space while she was stuck on Voyager, but that was all part of Starfleet life and sooner or later she and Tegan would go through the same thing.

She immediately noticed Tegan's hair was damp and smelled faintly of pool chemicals beneath the distinctive smell of the pool and exercise locker rooms' shampoo soap combo. "Someone throw you in the pool Lieutenant?"

"No." Tegan looked up at her with a sparkle in her eye. "I was bored when I got off and since I still can't go rock climbing, or anything else resembling fun, I went swimming."

"You can't do anything fun?" Her voice was low and she grinned when Tegan blushed. "I was thinking we could do dessert in my quarters."

_Do dessert. _ A sly grin slipped across her lips at the thought. "Sounds inviting, what time?"

"2100 hours."

"I'll be there."

"What was that all about?" B'Elanna joined Tegan as Janeway turned to leave. "OH—never mind. So, how are things going?"

"Fine. I finally decided to check the pool out."

"That's not what I meant." She looked over at Janeway who had joined Tuvok for dinner. "But I'm glad you didn't drown."

"Very funny," Tegan laughed lightly before sobering. "I don't kiss and tell."

"So you've kissed." B'Elanna grinned.

Tegan blushed but neither confirmed nor denied the accusation.

Tegan walked in when the doors slid open to find Janeway sitting on the couch in her uniform. She looked around expecting to see dessert laid out but there was nothing which was fine with her, she wasn't in the mood for food anyway. "Good evening Ca—Kathryn."

Kathryn smiled as she caught herself, she sometimes had a hard time switching from command to personal too, but since she often called her closer officers by their first names it wasn't nearly as difficult as it was for Tegan. She found it interesting that she never seemed to slip the other way, at least not yet. She patted the cushion next to her and when Tegan sat down she wrapped an arm around her pulling her closer so their bodies touched. She inhaled her scent. "You smell better than earlier."

"Remind me not to take a shower in the pool locker room again or to take my own shampoo."

Kathryn smiled. "Rose and?"

"Pear." Tegan let her body meld into her side. She could lay there and never leave.

"An interesting combination, it goes well with your body chemistry." Kathryn raked her fingers through her hair. "We've been traveling a little faster than anticipated and should reach the planet tomorrow around 1300 hours, I'm hoping to talk to them first thing in the morning and if all goes well we could start shore leave rotations tomorrow evening."

"In other words you're going to be busier than usual from tomorrow morning until Chakotay returns." She craned her neck over Kathryn's shoulder and kissed her neck.

"I'm…"

"If you say 'sorry', I'll stop kissing you." Tegan threatened and grinned against the warm flesh beneath her ear. The sensation caused Kathryn to groan softly as Tegan unzipped her tunic. "Why are you wearing so many clothes?"

"Because we were going to have dessert." Kathryn's protest was weak if it was even a protest.

"I have my dessert right here." Tegan flicked a wicked smile at her as she jumped to her feet.

"I was going to make ice cream sundaes." Curiosity shone in her eyes as she watched Tegan move to the replicator.

"I don't need ice cream." She punched a few buttons on the replicator and turned back around a few minutes later with chocolate and caramel sauces and whipped cream.

"No." Kathryn's laugh wasn't very convincing.

Tegan stuck out her lower lip. "Pwease?"

"We were going to take things slow." Kathryn shook her head as Tegan sat the sat dessert paraphernalia on the coffee table.

"Fine." Tegan reluctantly agreed as she dropped back down on the couch beside her.

When she turned back to face her, Kathryn was sitting closer. She reached out, grabbed her uniform jacket and pulled her closer. "Come here."

Before Tegan knew what was happening she felt fevered lips pressing against hers. She sighed giving Kathryn just enough room to slip her tongue into her mouth where they danced together until her brain scream for oxygen and she pulled back breathless. Kathryn gave her only a second to inhale before she moved in again.

_So much for taking it slow._ Tegan lifted her right hand sliding it up under Janeway's shirt blindly finding the clasp to her bra she deftly unhooked it using two fingers and her thumb. She moved her hand around to her front and rolled a firm nipple between her thumb and index finger. She grinned when Kathryn gasped, their mouths never separating. She pulled Kathryn's shirt and tunic off, parting just long enough to free her from the material. She removed her bra and tossed it over on the chaise with the other discarded items before she lowered her lips to Kathryn's neck, her lips expertly finding her pulse point. She kissed, licked and sucked it reveling in Kathryn's throaty groans.

Kathryn arched her back as Tegan pinched and pulled on her nipple just enough to increase the warmth in her core as she lowered her lips to the opposite nipple and began to roll her tongue over and around it before drawing it deeper into her mouth. After several minutes she moved her mouth to the other nipple to continue her ministrations leaving the first puckering in the cool air of the captain's quarters. Kathryn reached down and grabbed Tegan's biomechanical hand and lifted it to cover the abandoned breast. Immediately Tegan froze, the heat fled her body and was replaced by a cold nausea that swept over her. Her metal hand with the rubber lined and tipped fingers was still covered by Kathryn's hand as she pulled her head back using her human hand to steady her on the couch.

Kathryn peered into the swirling green eyes that were staring at her. She studied their depths. She had never seen Tegan's confidence waver. Not the night that she had taken her virginity from her or in the arguments that had followed. But it wasn't just her vacillating confidence that Kathryn saw as she refused to release the hand she held tightly to her breast, there was a flicker of unadulterated fear. "You aren't going to hurt me."

Tegan released the breath she was unaware she had been holding and looked away from Kathryn's pleading eyes. It was her biggest fear, even bigger than the anxiety of not being able to please her lover sexually was the fear that she would hurt her physically or emotionally. Her voice was barely a whisper. "I can't."

"You can." Kathryn coaxed. She didn't know why she was so scared of using that hand, despite the relatively short amount of time she'd had the prosthetic she was an expert at using it. She could perform even the most delicate operations with it, surely fondling a breast wasn't anywhere in the realm of preforming surgery. "I'm not afraid of you." She looked down at the hand in question before leaning forward and kissing Tegan's lips. "Not any part of you."

As she captured Tegan's mouth again she was rewarded with a tentative squeeze from her prosthesis. She moaned in pleasure spurring Tegan to continue as she sucked her tongue into her mouth. She let go when Tegan put her other hand on her opposite breast and mirrored the actions of her biomechanical one.

It didn't take long for the warmth of desire to return to Tegan's body. Her apprehension over hurting Kathryn was just a ribbon of memory dancing in the shadows of her mind. She pulled away from Kathryn's mouth and trailed kisses down her throat pausing at the dip where her collar bones and sternum met. She ran her tongue along the indention then moved down to gently suck her nipples between her teeth at random intervals. As she continued her attentions to her breasts, Tegan worked to free Kathryn of the rest of her clothing. She slowly moved down her body planting kisses along the way, pausing to swirl her tongue in and around Kathryn's belly button which elicited a very uncaptain like giggle from the other woman. Tegan grinned and lowered herself to the floor strategically placing herself between Kathryn's legs. She blew out a long hot breath over the auburn curls that adorned her pubic region.

"Tegan." Her voice was gritty with need.

She lifted her eyes, her mouth hovering a few centimeters above Kathryn's sex. Her mouth was watering. "Please don't ask me to stop."

Kathryn smiled and tangled her thin fingers in red tresses. "Never, just don't tease me."

Tegan smirked at the thought. Oh how she would love to tease Kathryn, to make her wriggle and beg beneath her but not tonight. No, tonight she was going to savor every moment of tender love making. She filed the information away to be pulled out in the future and lowered her face to the inviting aroma of Kathryn's desire. She slipped her tongue into the wet folds effortlessly running the rough side completely up the center stopping to play with the buddle of nerves at the top before going back down to taste her again.

What Tegan lacked in experience she more than made up for with her eagerness and knowledge of human female anatomy. Within seconds Kathryn was squirming from her careful ministrations. Tegan placed her palm flat across her lower pelvic region to keep her from moving too far from her mouth as she continued her oral explorations. Kathryn moaned as her body shuddered from the ensuing orgasm while Tegan continued to lick up the juices that had been pent up for so long. When the spasms subsided she crawled back up beside her on the couch, her uniform rough against Kathryn's skin.

"You're wearing too many clothes." Kathryn complained between ragged breaths.

Tegan smiled and kissed Kathryn sharing her unique flavor with her and fanning the fire that was still burning. She pulled back and looked into the stormy blue seas of Kathryn's eyes. "That's your opinion."

"Yes." Kathryn jerked the zipper to Tegan's tunic down before she could protest. "And my opinion is the only one that counts."


	5. Chapter 5

Just a warning, another NC-17 chapter

* * *

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 5

Kathryn wasted no time removing Tegan's clothes skipping the formality of trying to kiss her in the process. She just wanted to feel her flesh against hers, to see her ivory skin pulled tautly over rippled muscles. Her body hadn't looked like that in years, if it ever had. She was pleased to see that Tegan's ribs weren't as pronounced as they had been the first time they'd had sex. _Sex. _ The word burned her thoughts like a hot branding iron. They had had sex, but tonight it was more than that, it was tender and loving. She would never admit to the other woman that she loved her, at least not this soon but she knew better than to lie to herself. She was making love tonight, plain and simple. There was nothing dirty or shameful in the act of making love and tonight there was no question that they were two very consenting adults.

She let her eyes travel up to Tegan's face and noticed the self-conscious blush embroidering her expression. She throatily whispered one simple word which only deepened the red flush. "Gorgeous."

Before Tegan could argue Kathryn kissed her passionately. Her tongue wrestling for the lead in the tango she had initiated. She raked fingers through her hair scraping her nails along her scalp, as she pressed her body into hers the breast resting between Tegan's could feel her heart pounding against her sternum in a frenzied rhythm of passion. At least she hoped it was passion and that she wouldn't be calling on the EMH's assistance later in the night. The thought cause her to grin as she pulled away.

"What?" Tegan asked breathlessly.

"How did we end up naked on my couch?" Kathryn shrugged off the thought that Tegan's elevated heart rate was related to something else as she looked into her eyes and saw glowing coals of yearning.

Tegan kissed her and mumbled, "I don't know."

Kathryn moved to her ear nibbling and kissing the lobe. She wanted to whisper sweet nothings to her but was afraid to open her own heart that much just yet. She also didn't know if doing so would send the woman of her desires running in the opposite direction. Her last female encounter had ended in disaster. It had actually been her only serious female encounter. She had of course had some experimental sexual relations while at the academy. They were one of the reasons she spent so many nights pulling all-nighters to catch up on the papers and studies she had put off in favor of more titillating experiences. The last one was another academy cadet who she had fallen in love with or at the time she thought it was love. She later discovered it was a devastating crush laced with deep lust but it didn't help the heart break she felt when the cadet told her the relationship was over, the day before she graduated, because they both had their careers to pursue. When Kathryn objected, her crush merely flicked a piece of fuzz off her uniform pants and said; "You didn't actually think you were more than a passing fling did you?" Three years later, long after Kathryn had seen the relationship for what it was, she heard she'd been killed in action.

"Hey?" Tegan's voice was soft, pulling Kathryn from her thoughts. "Are you ok?"

Kathryn pulled back having not realized that she had stopped mid nibble to think back on her academy days. As she looked into those concerned green orbs she wondered if she had ever fully and truly been in love with anyone before. She didn't let her attention travel too far down that road before giving her a lazy smile. "I've never been better."

Before Tegan could ask her what was on her mind she felt hands sliding to her inner thighs as Kathryn repositioned herself on the floor and spread her legs open. Her mind lost all ability to form a coherent thought in the sheer anticipation of what was to come.

Lithe fingers reached up and fondled her breasts alternating pressure, squeezing one and then the other, pinching one nipple while pulling on the opposite one. Tegan looked down at Kathryn who was peering up at her in a way that no one had ever looked at her before. She wasn't used to being loved on any level and it was all so new to her, but she knew it was something she could become familiar with. Something she could learn to enjoy on every level.

Keeping her eyes locked on Tegan's, Kathryn lowered her mouth to the apex of Tegan's sex and covered it with her mouth first running the rough side of her tongue over the nerve bundle sending an electrified shock through Tegan's body. She grinned lightly when she felt her jump beneath her. Next she ran the smooth underside of her tongue back and forth across it alternating the texture bringing Tegan to the edge she pulled back and smirked up at her before she drove her tongue deeply into wet folds curling it and twisting it to taste every centimeter of sweetness. She twisted both nipples as she pressed her upper teeth against the small button of flesh at the top of the folds where her tongue was deeply buried. Tegan gasped and shook as Kathryn continued to lap up the nectar her orgasm produced.

Tegan really hoped there wasn't a ship wide medical emergency anytime soon because she was certain she wasn't going to be able to stand or even think straight for a while. It took her a few seconds to even realize that Kathryn had come back up on the couch and was looking at her with an amused smile. "I'm speechless."

"I didn't think that was possible." She leaned in and placed a soft chaste kiss on Tegan's lips. "What happened to taking things slow?"

"You needed the release and I've got a life time to catch up."

"A whole life time?"

"Probably more, I mean I am just over 400 years old and I only recently discovered sex." She grinned before resting her head on Kathryn's shoulder.

"Maybe we should slow down then; your heart might not be able to handle the exertion." The comment earned Kathryn a playful swat on her thigh.

A few minutes later Tegan twisted her head and started kissing, licking and sucking on Kathryn's neck.

"You're insatiable, you know that right?"

"You could always tell me to stop." Tegan mumbled against the soft skin.

Kathryn spread her legs inviting Tegan to kick things up a notch and growled quietly; "never."

Tegan trailed her right hand down Kathryn's side and twirled her fingers through the wisps of pubic hair as she placed lazy kisses on her neck. Her fingers moved lower finding the slick wetness of Kathryn's entrance.

"Tegan?"

"Hmmm?" She purred into her neck.

She hesitated knowing what affect her request might have on her but in the end she just blurted it out. "Use your other hand."

She didn't hesitate before asking tenderly, "Are you sure?"

"Positive."

Tegan shifted her position carefully straddling Kathryn's lap a nervous grin pulling at her lips as she placed her right hand on her shoulder to help steady her and lowered her biomechanical hand between them. She looked down the chasm their bodies made and ran her index finger along the wet slit between Kathryn's legs.

"Don't stop." Kathryn's moan encouraged her to push her finger into her entrance. She wasn't sure she liked this, she couldn't feel what she was doing and therefore she had no idea if she was meeting resistance or hurting Kathryn. She didn't want to hurt her so she closed her eyes and concentrated on Kathryn's breathing, her throaty groans of pleasure.

Tegan was so engrossed in listening for any distress she didn't feel Kathryn move and she jumped when she felt a finger enter her, her eyes snapping open and flying up to meet amused blue ones. She whimpered softly as Kathryn's thumb connected with the bundle of nerves that always sent lightening crackling up her spine. Her back arched pushing her own finger deeper into her lover as she moved her biomechanical thumb out to mimic Kathryn's movements. They both added a second finger and alternated thrusts and counter thrusts increasing speed as their breathing became one. Together they curved back in unison not unlike synchronized swimmers as their orgasms crashed down on them in waves.

Tegan leaned forward resting her head on Kathryn's shoulder while she caught her breath and Kathryn reached up with her other hand and slipped her thumb into the reader releasing her prosthetic from her stump. Tegan pulled back as she laid it on the couch, but Kathryn shook her head and wrapped her arm around her using a flat hand to pull her back to her. She rubbed her back for several minutes before she reached up and removed the protective sleeve that covered her pink stump. She knew she had been wearing her prosthesis since at least 0700 if not earlier than that. "Does it hurt?"

Tegan wanted to say no. She wanted to lie to her or change the subject. Better yet she wanted to kiss her and make her forget she had ever asked a question. A devilish smirk crossed her lips at that thought but it wasn't worth it, not tonight and not over such a simple question. "The doctor says another three to four treatments and he thinks I can be pain free."

It wasn't really an answer and Kathryn knew it, but it also wasn't really a denial of pain so she let it slide. "I hope I didn't make it hurt worse."

Tegan sat up and leaned forward to kiss those lips. Had anyone ever really cared if they caused her pain? She couldn't remember; aside from doctors and nurses when they were taking care of her she couldn't remember anyone except maybe her grandmother and that was so long ago it seemed like another lifetime. "No," She whispered. "You helped me forget it."


	6. Chapter 6

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 6

"Red alert." Janeway didn't even get to send out a hail to the planet before reports started pouring in that her crew was mysteriously disappearing.

It started with crew members from engineering and then astrometrics, she had just heard from the doctor that Tegan had vanished front of his very eyes. She and Tuvok quickly locked out all commands to Voyager from any personnel without the proper clearance codes. It wasn't a moment too soon, when she looked up she was the last person standing on Voyager. She sighed heavily as several humanoids materialized on the bridge with weapons drawn. It wasn't in her to surrender, but with only a small handheld phaser against seven weapons of unknown makeup she was left with few options.

"What the hell did you do with my crew?" She puffed her chest out and commanded an answer.

"Your crew has been transported to a holding cell on Hashanti Prime." The man standing nearest her, who for all counts looked 100% human minus the row of spikes on either side of his head, spoke with a gruff voice as he jerked the phaser from her hand and tossed it across the bridge.

"Jurroth, they locked us out of the ship's systems." Another man who stood at Tuvok's console addressed the man who had just spoken to Janeway. She surmised this Jurroth was the leader.

She ignored the conversation that was taking place and squared her shoulders, drawing herself to her fullest height and spoke over them. "You had better not hurt any member of my crew."

"Give me the access codes to your ship and I won't have to." He held his hand out and a silvery metal pole about three-quarters of a meter long was placed in it. One end was flared out into a sphere that had a small concaved dimple on it; he slapped it down into a gloved hand, the metal rings on his leather jacket jangled against each other with the movement. He laid the offer out one more time, "You can spare them injury by giving me the override codes."

"Over my dead body."

"Very well." Jurroth nodded once and in an instant of red swirling glittery light they were transported to the surface of the planet.

Janeway stared at the large cage housing the entire Voyager crew minus Chakotay, Seven, Harry and the EMH. She only hoped they would return and be able to regain control of Voyager and rescue them before she lost any of her crew.

"You pick one and I'll pick one." The grin Jurroth shot her way made her stomach revolt.

"For?" She asked ignoring the lead anvil weighing down her gut.

"To torture," his smile was that of pure maddening delight, "of course."

"I don't think so." Janeway shook her head.

"Have it your way." He lifted his chin to one of the men who opened the door. "I'll just have to pick them both. But don't worry after I kill them you'll get a chance to pick one of the next set."

Tuvok stepped forward to block him and his entourage but Jurroth pressed the rounded end of the short staff into Tuvok's chest. A white light shot out from it and into Tuvok's chest but he didn't cry out or falter as he redirected the pain in his mind.

Tom rushed him and Jurroth swung the stick around catching him in the abdomen and sending him sprawling onto the ground, crying out in anguish as he curled into a fetal position.

He pointed to Tuvok. "Take him. He'll be fun to break."

As two of his men escorted Tuvok out Jurroth continued to walk around and look over the crew, most of which stepped back when his gaze fell on them. Every once in a while he would look to Janeway for any signs that she would be more willing to give up information if he chose someone in particular, but her jaw remained set. He stepped up to B'Elanna who didn't back away.

"You could be fun." But he turned quickly when a blonde caught his eye. He stepped over to her and she shrank back.

From across the cell Tegan saw Neelix push Naomi behind him and his mouth open. She knew what she had to do despite what it would do to her captain, to Kathryn. She knew pain. She was intimate with it. She had been exquisitely tortured more times than she cared to admit or count, both physically and mentally. She had even been known to torture herself from time to time, mainly psychological torture. If she could count the innumerable memories of torture that weren't hers, alone, they would give her the experience she needed to get through this. She hoped. Without a second thought she stepped between Jurroth and Samantha Wildman, "Take me."

"My, my, my, you're awfully pretty for a, what's your species again? Human. What's your name?"

"Lieutenant Tegan Kiser."

"Well Lieutenant Kiser, since you are so eager to die I'll take you first, but when you're dead I'm coming back for her."

"I don't die so easily." She glared into his dark black eyes.

"We'll just have to see about that, won't we?" He held his arm out toward the cell entrance and she stepped in front of him and followed his guards out.

She waited until two of them were occupied shutting the cell doors to turn her attention on the one standing nearest her. They were greatly outnumbered, but that had never stopped her from attempting to escape when she was still back in her original timeline and she didn't see any reason it should stop her from doing so now. She elbowed him and reached up with her biomechanical hand and grabbed another one around the neck squeezing the life from him like a boa constrictor. She watched as his face turned blue, then gray as his eyes started to bulge from their sockets, she was about to let go but she felt the intense white heat radiating into her shoulder and branching out into her body. She didn't feel the slight pinch in her neck as a hypospray was injected there. Finally as her body collapsed to the ground under the weight of the sedative her biomechanical hand relaxed releasing her victim.


	7. Chapter 7

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 7

B'Elanna waited until the commotion over Tegan's attempted escape had died down outside their communal holding cell before she found Tom. She didn't blame the other woman for her actions, certain that she would have done the same had she been chosen, if she had had the wherewithal to intervene on behalf of one of her crewmates. She didn't have time to berate herself for her lack of bravery as the realization that she and Tom were the ranking officers among the remaining crew weighed heavily on them both. She looked down at the double trough that ran along the length of the open cell wall they were standing near. One had water standing it with sediment muddying the bottom and a fine layer of rust and slime covering the sides. The other had the same amount of rust and some kind of dried gunk stuck to the bottom with tiny bug carcasses in it and what looked like human bones. She wiped the sweat that was forming on her ridges off. "We need to keep everyone hydrated."

"With that?" Tom followed her gaze. They were stuck in a large barred room open to the elements in the middle of a barren wasteland. He looked down at the water. "We'll be lucky if dysentery is the only thing we get."

"What do you want me to do Tom? Wave my hand and make fresh water magically appear? It isn't like we've got any replicators handy."

* * *

When she started to come to she became painfully aware that she had been stripped of her uniform and she was suspended above the floor by her wrists in nothing but her Starfleet underwear and tank top. A feeling of déjà vu swept through her, she had been in very similar circumstances before.

"It is possible the tranquilizer reacts differently with her chemical make-up." Tuvok had been the first to wake up from the medically induced stupor. His voice was flat and not too far off to her left.

"Maybe." Janeway conceded from somewhere in front of her.

"Did I miss the party?" Tegan blinked against the harsh light emanating from white panels interspersed in the ceiling.

"We were just wondering when you were going to regain consciousness." Tuvok watched as she took in her surroundings. First looking down at the smoothly polished floor which was 20 centimeters from her dangling feet, next she looked up at the heavy metal shackles around her wrists which were connected by a chain that was slipped over a large industrial hook so she could be easily raised and lowered. Her eyes traveled over her comrades who were identically restrained and quickly noticed that Tuvock was in a similar state of undress.

"Everyone ok?" She moved her eyes back to Janeway who was hanging in front of her and Tuvok.

"You are the only one who put up a fight. I do not believe it was wise to try and escape when we were outnumbered seven to one."

"I was planning on taking on two-thirds, that left three-point-five for you and the Captain."

Janeway shook her head.

"Your logic is most unsound." Tuvok politely informed her.

"Did I?" She couldn't even put the question to words.

"Yes." Tuvok answered when Janeway didn't. "I believe you killed him."

Tegan closed her eyes. She felt her stomach churn like a stormy sea. "I didn't—I didn't mean to. I just meant to cut off his blood supply long enough to render him unconscious."

"I do not believe it was your fault." Tuvok looked at Janeway who was watching Tegan with concern filled eyes; the rest of her command mask was completely intact. "You were following your survival instinct."

She opened her eyes letting them plead for forgiveness from her captain. "I tried to let go."

"The electric jolt from that cattle prod, for lack of a better description, kept you from being able to release him." Janeway let her eyes fall to the charred skin where the prod had come in contact with Tegan's shoulder. She knew she hadn't meant to take it that far and she believed what she was telling her whole heartedly. She agreed with Tuvok, Tegan had been following her instincts and, even more so, her military training. The fact she felt remorse for what she had done touched Janeway in ways she couldn't explain.

"How come you got to keep your clothes Captain?" She changed the subject before she started reciting different and often contradictory oaths she had taken in her head.

"Most likely because, for now, they have no intention of torturing me." She offered the only explanation she had.

"Not physically at least," Tegan reasoned. She spent several seconds trying to gather up enough saliva to be able to expectorate it before she flipped her body upside down and brought her feet around her elbows locking them there. She looked like a trained chimpanzee doing circus tricks. She spit the contents of her mouth onto the floor and listened to it sizzle before she flipped her legs back down. "I was going to unhook myself and get us out of here, but looks like the floor is rigged with some kind of electrical current."

Tuvok regarded her for a minute. "The thought had not occurred to me."

"I just thought the escape route looked too easy." Tegan looked over at the door as she heard heavy footfall echoing toward them. "Guess we're about to find out what's going to happen to us."

Three floating spheres followed Jurroth and another man in a lab coat into the large room and Tegan immediately knew what they were.

"You're broadcasting this?"

He walked over to her and grabbed her jaw. "I don't know if you are brilliant or stupid. But either way you are going to pay for killing Ranoll."

"I killed him?" She forced a smile onto her lips. Both Janeway and Tuvok could sense it was artificial. "So who are you broadcasting to?"

"Your shipmates so they know what to expect." He jerked her head to the side letting it go. "Plus I want them to see how quickly you give up."

"If you expect me to give up quickly or easily you'll be greatly disappointed." She watched him nod to the man in the white lab coat.

"This is Dr. Murdrow, he's going to give you both an injection. It will keep you from passing out from the pain. I want to make sure you get the full experience." His maddening grin from earlier returned and caused Tegan's stomach to revolt like a nest of hornets after being poked with a stick. "And these," he opened his palm to reveal two discs that reminded Tegan of the memory recall devices the Tok'ra used, "are neural links. I'll only have to torture one of you and the other one will feel the pain as well. Should either of you try to remove the link it will kill you both. If one of you dies the other one will die as well.

"You know you can save them, Captain?" He realized he had never asked her, her name.

"Janeway and you'll get no information from me." Her eyes offered the deepest apology to her two friends for what she had to let happen.

"I will be fine Captain, no matter what happens don't give them anything." Tegan lifted her chin actually allowing the doctor to inject her with the chemical suppressant.

"As well I." Tuvok gave no resistance when Dr. Murdrow injected him.

"Fine?" Jurroth reach up and pressed the metal disc against Tegan's temple until it engaged. "I was going to torture him until you killed my friend, now I'll get even more satisfaction as I break every last bone in your body."

He stepped over to Tuvok and repeated the process. Almost as soon as the neural link was activated Tuvok's face scrunched in pain. It was so brief and fleeting that no one who didn't know him well would have caught it before his Vulcan mask slipped back in place. Janeway had been looking directly at him and the expression immediately caused her concern. She filed the information away for later hoping she would be able to ask him about it in the future. At this point she didn't know if any of them would survive, it was a very real fact that they wouldn't and her mission to return Voyager's crew home safely would fail. She had already failed some of them, it was a burden that weighed heavy on her heart but she had no time to let guilt eat away at her. She needed to be strong and steel herself against what was about to happen. She knew no matter how much training she had been through, the simulations couldn't prepare her for the actual situations.

"I'll give you one more chance to give me the command codes to Voyager, Captain Janeway." He paused waiting for a response and only received a steely gaze. He turned to Tegan and held the stick up against the bare skin of her shoulder. "Maybe you can give me the information I need?"

"I am Lieutenant Kiser of the Federation U.S.S. Voyager." Was the only response she would give him.

"Well Lieutenant, let's just see how hard you are to kill or how easily your Captain Janeway breaks. Whichever comes first I really don't care. Though I do love a good torture and I do hope you won't disappoint me." He squeezed the handle of the stick sending an electrical jolt through Tegan that caused both her body and Tuvok's to jerk. To their credit neither one yelled out. Jurroth turned to face Janeway. "Captain?"

"If you think that hurting members of my crew is going to make me any more likely to give you the information you seek, you are highly mistaken."

Jurroth roared deep in his chest and swung the electrical stick around catching Tegan in the abdomen. "I'm not going to just hurt them Captain. I am going to torture them until they beg for me to kill them and then I'm going to continue to torture them until they actually die. I've got plenty more to work with and I'm in no rush."

He swung again this time it was accompanied by several cracks resounding as it connected with the right side of Tegan's ribcage knocking the air from her lungs. "Well, it looks like I've already started breaking those bones."

Tegan clenched her jaw tightly refusing to cry out as she stared deep into the slate blue abyss of Captain Janeway's eyes and focused on not letting the pain overwhelm her. She wasn't sure what would happen if she allowed her eyes to glow and deplete her body of sodium and potassium to the point that she would seize. Her concern wasn't for herself as much as it was for Tuvok and not knowing what something like a seizure might do to the Vulcan mind. It was something she planned to talk to the doctor about when they got out of this mess.

After staring at her for several minutes Jurroth walked out of the room followed closely by the timid, in comparison, doctor.


	8. Chapter 8

I feel I need to put a small warning up here that there may be triggers for anyone who has been raped or sexually assaulted in this chapter. It is merely a mention and not overly graphic in regards to that. If this is a problem skip this chapter.

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Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 8

B'Elanna and Tom exchanged a knowing glance when the mammoth screens around the compound flickered to life. There wasn't anywhere they could look without being confronted with the images of Captain Janeway, Tegan, or Tuvok being there. Some of the screens even showed all three images. Outside of the cells were slightly smaller screens scattered about for the guards to watch. She had already heard the pool over how long the first two would last, it made her angry to hear them talking about her friends with such disregard. She bottled up the rage saving it for when she could unleash it on their captors.

She stepped up to Neelix pulling him away from Samantha and Naomi, her eyes stayed steady on the young girl. "There is no avoiding what's about to happen but do your best to protect her from it."

"Of course." His voice quavered slightly as B'Elanna patted his shoulder trying to impart some of her strength to him before she walked over to find Hayley Wellis who was staring at the screen right in front of her while holding young William to her chest.

B'Elanna heard Tegan's voice from the conveniently placed speakers. She had just asked who he was broadcasting it to. She glanced briefly at the screen, knowing she couldn't protect herself from the images, to see Jurroth step up and grab Tegan's lower jaw. She pulled her eyes away and looked at William who was sleeping soundly. "How are you holding up?"

Hayley kept her eyes on the screen as she nodded. "We're fine. What do you think he's going to do to them?"

"I don't know." B'Elanna lied, she knew enough to know that whatever it was it wasn't going to be pretty.

* * *

When Jurroth returned not even a full hour later he had a cart with him. He had lost the doctor somewhere along the way. Tegan let her eyes wander over the cart; she recognized several daggers whose double edged blades gleamed under the harsh white light and something that she thought was a torch of sorts lying on the tray. She moved her eyes to Jurroth as he shed his leather jacket and flexed his muscles. He had scar tissue littering his biceps and forearms and several spots on the flesh she could see that his black tank top didn't cover that she was certain had been left behind by the bulbous rod.

She started to put the pieces together. "You've been beaten."

Jurroth's eyes darted to hers and a sadistic grin spread over his lips as he picked up one of the shorter daggers and drug it along his forearm leaving a razor thin strip of blood in its wake. Before she realized what his was doing Jurroth flipped the handle in his hand so the blade faced away from his thumb and buried it in her thigh up to the hilt, using his hips he trust against it pushing it as far as it would go.

She inhaled her would be cry causing the muscles around her fractured ribs to scream out in pain even as tears flowed from Tuvok's eyes. Normally he would have been able to redirect the pain but he too had been caught off guard. He wasn't sure how she had managed not to cry out.

After a few minutes she composed herself enough to speak. "This is a penal colony, or it was. But you aren't the guards."

He stepped close enough she could feel the heat radiating off his body as he grabbed the knife that was sticking out of her thigh and wiggled it slightly. His cold black eyes bore deep into hers as if they were seeking out her soul. "How astute."

She ignored the pain of the blade moving. "You killed the guards?"

"Not before I got the information on how to run the transporters." He breathed his moist foul smelling breath into her face. "It wasn't the first time I killed."

"You're a murderer?"

"More so than you." His eyes were still searching for something from inside her. "You've killed out of a sense of duty and to survive. I've killed because I like it, because it gives me a rush." He licked his lips. "That isn't all I did."

Her stomach felt like a school of panicked fish were trying to escape from a predator inside it as she felt his fingers slip into the elastic of her boring gray Starfleet issued underwear. She froze for half a second but before his fingers could move further down to explore her sex, she brought her knee up deftly connecting with what she hoped was his manhood.

From behind him Janeway tensed knowing what he was doing and that there wasn't a damn thing she could do to stop it. She couldn't give up the command codes to save anyone of the members of her crew from being sexually assaulted, raped, tortured or even killed. She didn't believe in 'sacrifice one for the good of the many', but when it came to this it was duty. She wished it wasn't. As she watched Jurroth roll into a ball and cry out in pain she swelled with a sense of pride over the fact Tegan didn't need as much protecting as she might have thought, or even as much as some of the other members of her crew. Even though her military record had eluded to as much, it was nice to see it for herself. A small grin danced quickly over her lips as she realized Tegan had thwarted his current and possibly any attempts for the foreseeable future, as he continued to groan.

"Did they torture you for raping and killing women?" Tegan spit the venomous accusation at him. Not that she felt anything was worthy of inhumane treatment of prisoners. She felt it was right to either imprison them for their crimes or execute them according to the governing laws, but in her mind torture never fit the bill.

"They didn't care what we did." He straightened up and growled at her and reached over for the energy prod he had used earlier and swung it connecting with her already broken ribs. Tuvok cried out as she closed her eyes to block their glow from view. She couldn't let Janeway see her weakness, her pain. "It didn't matter if we were murderers, rapists, child molesters, or petty thieves. We were all brought here and the guards treated us all the same." He turned and looked at Janeway. "We only want your vessel to escape this hell hole."

"This isn't the way to go about getting help." Despite hanging in a precarious position Captain Janeway still managed to exude a sense of command.

He jerked the knife out of Tegan's thigh and turned to Janeway, before she could note that he'd managed to miss any major blood vessels he brought it up to her lips. "I don't want your help, I want your vessel."

"That's the one thing I can't give you." She didn't flinch as he ran the sharp blade over her lip cutting it open.

He turned back to Tegan and stabbed the dagger back into her thigh a few inches to the right of where it had been. "By the way bitch, kick me in the groin again and I'll make you regret the day you were born."

"Someone already beat you to it." She grinned mirthlessly at him and he punched her in the lower gut.

"Must you goad him?" Tuvok moaned when they were left alone once again with the camera spheres floating around them.

Tegan turned her head to Tuvok. "I'm sorry but he was…"

"I am not referring to you kicking him. However you could be a little less sarcastic."

She thought that was funny coming from Tuvok who despite his Vulcan ways often seemed overly sarcastic to her. She looked over at Janeway. "Captain, you're bleeding."

Janeway tentatively licked her lip tasting both hers and Tegan's blood. "It's nothing. I'm more worried about the amount of blood you're losing."

Tegan looked down at the small puddle forming on the floor as the blood flowed down her leg and dripped off her toes. "It's nothing, just a few drops."

"Where did you learn to count?" Janeway shook her head. She knew Tegan was hard headed and used her own rules of relativity in such circumstances. She also knew the younger woman was trying to be brave. She just hoped she wasn't being brave for her.


	9. Chapter 9

Another trigger warning for a small act that takes place, so again pls read at your own risk. I do think this is the last one for this story.

* * *

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 9

Tegan had closed her eyes but the thalamus inhibitor she had been given was keeping her from being able to sleep. She was tired of listening to her two companions breathe and she didn't know how much longer she could stand the weight of Janeway's stare, though it was better to feel it than to actually see it. They hung there in silence as the hours ticked by, each vaguely aware of the increase in temperature in the cavernous room. They were conserving their strength and because of the surveillance orbs flying around the room they had refrained from talking about anything of importance. Janeway had taken a moment to address her crew, who she assumed was still receiving the broadcast. She encouraged them to be strong, to be brave, and to stick together as a crew.

Tegan was trying to move as gingerly as possible. Anytime she readjusted the way she was hanging Tuvok would moan softly not expecting the increase in pain. Sweat dripped down her face. Her tank top was soaked and stuck to her like a second skin. Finally she opened her eyes and broke the silence. "I swear it's got to be 38 degrees Celsius in here."

"I believe it is closer to 44 degrees." Tuvok blinked as sweat slipped into his eyes causing them to burn.

"Well in that case, when my timer pops up would someone please pull me out of the oven."

"Turkey?" Janeway's stomach growled quietly.

"Who can eat at a time like this?" Tegan asked tilting her head to look up at the hook above her head. As she wondered just how much of an electrical charge was running through the floor she heard Jurroth's approach. When she pulled her head back upright he was standing in the doorway.

"Trying to escape is futile but if you really want to try, I'll make it a little easier for you." He flipped a switch on the wall and walked in looking like he had gotten a good eight hours of solid sleep.

_Nothing like torturing someone to help you sleep better at night, _Tegan wisely kept the thought to herself. She didn't want to cause Tuvok anymore pain than was necessary, if she could help it.

As he walked into the room he glanced at the wound in her leg which had long since clotted and had a semi-hard scab covering the two inch long gash. He picked up another dagger, longer than the first and used the tip to break the scab free before he dipped it into the laceration and dug around until it started to ooze steadily again.

Tegan silently cursed him in her head.

He turned and looked at Janeway. "The question remains the same."

Janeway clenched her teeth together causing the muscles over her jaw to swell.

He laid the dagger back down and reached for the torch on the tray. He tapped the igniter switch on it a few times before it hissed to life, spewing a blue flame from its mouth. He ran the flame over his palm as he turned to face Tegan his eyes rolled back in his head.

"Delicious," Jurroth whispered. He focused his gaze on Tegan who gave him a curious look. "If your captain gives me what I want and you survive this ordeal, you'll understand what I mean."

Tegan sucked her lower lip into her mouth as he turned the flame on her, directing it over her right nipple. She bit her lower lip and Tuvok yelled out as the manmade material of her bra and tank caught fire and melted. The combination of heat and flame burned her skin allowing flesh and fabric to become one as they bubbled under the broiling blaze. She tasted blood long before the fire on her shirt burned out. Even after Jurroth moved the flame away it stung, a mixture of heat and numbness attacking her breast. She wondered how anyone could ever find that feeling 'delicious'.

He turned to Janeway again. "Captain?"

"No." Tegan's voice cracked as she tried to keep from crying out in pain. Tuvok didn't know how she did it. Most non-Vulcans he knew had relatively low pain thresholds, especially the females.

"I didn't ask you." Jurroth turned and grabbed Tegan's jaw, squeezing it tightly in his large hand.

"You want the command codes?" Tegan forced her mind to focus on the feel of his fingers gripping her jaw and not the pain of broken ribs or the new burning of her breast that felt like it was a scorching hot comet speeding into a star's chromosphere.

"Yes, tell me the codes."

"Kiss-My-Ass." She spit a concoction of blood tainted saliva in his face. _So much for not provoking him. _She shot a quick grin to Janeway.

Janeway frowned in the seconds it took for Jurroth to process what she had said. Even if Tegan had known the command codes she wouldn't have given them to him, not under any circumstances. Janeway knew that from the reports she had read. She knew it because she knew Tegan was an honorable solider.

Jurroth wiped the spit off his face, jerked the staff off the tray and swung it around in an upward motion his whole body twisting and throwing all its force into it. The rod connected at the juncture under Tegan's arm and chest. A loud pop resounded in the room drown out by Tuvok's scream as Tegan's right shoulder dislocated, a combination of the force of the hit and the pull of gravity on her hanging body. Inside she could feel the muscles and tendons separating. The doc would have fun repairing those. She actually laughed inwardly at the thought. Here she was being tortured and she was thinking about how aggravated the EMH would be over her injuries. For a brief second Dr. Janet Fraiser's imagine flickered in her mind. She would have been just as aggravated or would have pretended to be in order to cover her concern. Tegan shook the thought from her head wondering where it had come from.

He debating hitting her again, he wanted to hear her scream so badly but in the end he sat the energy rod aside and picked up the dagger he had set aside earlier. Turning to Tegan he slit the front of her shirt open. At this point he didn't know if he'd be able to stop even if Janeway gave into his demands. He had to break her, it was like a drug. He had made Tuvok scream out in agony now he had to hear the sweet strains of anguish as they destroyed Tegan's vocal cords.

Jurroth smirked at the thought as he ran a rough thumb over her untouched nipple grinning when it responded. He pressed the flat side of the blade against it letting Tegan feel the cool metal against her skin then without warning he turned the blade on its side and jerked it downward.

Tegan gasped as the blade breached her skin, splitting it in a crescent shape right beside her areola. The pain was followed by the warm sensation of his mouth covering both the cut and her nipple as he took as much of her breast into his mouth as he could and sucked on it. When she felt his wet tongue slide over and into the cut she brought her knee up with as much strength as she could muster, forgetting what he had promised earlier or rather in spite of it.

He stepped back unfazed by her attempt and grabbed her leg. He tapped on the bulge in his black leather pants. "I came prepared, but I did warn you."

An unbridled scream tore from her lungs as he grabbed her kneecap and while still holding her leg steady with his other hand, he jerked the small disc of bone to the outside of her leg. Tuvok's screams echoed hers in the room. Jurroth wished he could shut the pointy eared man up without actually killing him. He only wanted to hear her screams. Somehow he knew that it was knowing that she was his lifeline that kept Tegan alive. Most people fought harder for someone else's life than they did when it was just theirs on the line. Even a criminal as dark and twisted as he was knew that. He could count the times he and Ranoll were tortured similarly in this very room and for no other reason than to entertain the guards. At least he had a reason and it wasn't just to feed his inner demon, though his demon was starving. He pushed her knee cap even further making sure it wasn't going to slip back into place as the monster that lived in him feasted on her pain.


	10. Chapter 10

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 10

Jurroth picked the dagger up and stalked behind Tegan, her quiet whimpers escaping on ragged breaths was music to his ears. He grabbed a fist full of her hair and yanked her head back as far as it would go as he brought the blade around to the front of her abdomen. He growled breathily in her ear. "Tell your Captain Janeway to give me the codes."

"No." It wouldn't matter if she told Janeway to do it, or if she begged her to do it, she couldn't give out that information and Tegan would never dream of asking her. She would die first, even if it meant taking Tuvok with her.

He pulled on her hair. "Do you know the codes?"

Tegan hesitated and he took her hesitation as affirmation.

"Tell me the codes." He pressed the blade against her abdomen.

"No." She moaned as he drug the blade across her skin leaving a trail of blood from her belly button all the way around to the edge of her back.

"See? Delicious." He smiled and licked her blood from the blade. "You understand."

"No." She repeated.

He wrapped his free hand around her left ankle and bent her leg back taking the tip of the blade he stuck it in the bottom of her big toe a quarter inch and listened to her whimpers while ignoring the sounds coming from Tuvok. "The access codes."

She took a deep breath. "Go to hell."

He drew a line with the blade tip from her toe to her heal splitting open the bottom of her foot before letting it drop and skulking to the doorway. He turned and chucked the dagger at her landing it squarely in her untainted thigh. A frown creased his face when she didn't jump or even cry out. He lifted his eyes to see hers were closed and her head hung at an uncomfortable angle. He glanced at Tuvok who was watching him keenly, his mind clearer than it had been since the torture started. "Well, that won't do. Doctor!"

The little man scurried in. "Yes Jurroth?"

"She's lost consciousness." He pointed an accusing finger at Tegan's limp body.

"You know it only lasts 36 hours maximum." He shrugged as if there was nothing he could do about it.

"Give them both another dose."

Dr. Murdrow didn't move as he stared up at Jurroth. "Another dose? You know what that will do."

"If you won't give it to them, I will. And then I'll deal with you." His eyes narrowed on the man who quickly bowed his head and nodded.

He looked at Janeway as he crossed the space between her and the other two. As he reached up to press the injector to Tegan's neck he whispered, "I'm sorry. Please forgive me."

Something bit her neck, the stinging sensation flowed through her veins like lava and she screamed sounding more like a wounded Targ than a human. Her eyes were still aglow with light when she spotted Jurroth standing by the door watching her. He was wearing a smug grin and in the back of her mind she could her him whisper 'delicious'.

"It won't be as bad for you since you are still conscious." The doctor explained as he once again injected Tuvok. He turned to Janeway, ignoring Jurroth's looming shadow. "Please forgive me."

Janeway blinked slowly and gave a small nod of her head.

"Oh, that's right Lieutenant, you wanted to escape." Jurroth mocked from the doorway.

Tegan groaned her response. She knew there was no way she could currently maneuver upside down and get the chain of her shackles off the hook. Jurroth had also seen to it she would be unable to walk by dislocating the knee of one leg and cutting the sole of her foot on the opposite one which was in addition to having a knife sticking out of both.

He reached up and pressed the button which lowered her, watching in delight as her legs collapsed under her and she again cried out in pain. He stopped the hook in its decent when it was hanging just above her head. He didn't think she would be able to unhook her shackles but he didn't care if she did. He didn't even care if she made it out of the room which he also doubted was likely, there was no escape for them. His laugh echoed off the walls as he turned and walked out.

* * *

"Delta Flyer to Voyager." Chakotay tried for the third time before looking at Harry and Seven and stating the obvious. "I'm not getting a response to my hails."

Seven pressed several keys on her console giving the impression that she was playing a piece written by one of the great composers of the eighteenth century. "Seven of Nine to the doctor."

"Seven, am I glad to hear your voice. I didn't expect you back for another 16 hours."

"We have been hailing Voyager without success." She ignored the relief in his voice and the sudden dead weight in her stomach.

"The crew has been taken captive and I've been locked out of the ship's functions."

"How long ago?" Chakotay asked before Seven could ask if everyone had been taken captive, if maybe somehow B'Elanna had managed to go undetected. She needed to focus on the conversation between Chakotay and the doctor but after hearing the crew had been missing for just over 48 hours her heart was beating too fast and her mind only wanted to show her all the awful ways her lover could be suffering. This was why she was certain being human and falling in love was ineffective. She would be much better to B'Elanna and the Captain and crew of Voyager if she didn't have feelings of friendship and love for some of those members.

"No, I am the only one in the sickbay." Seven heard the doctor respond.

"Seven and I will have Harry transport us directly to sickbay then, we'll see you in a few minutes Doc."


	11. Chapter 11

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 11

"Tegan?" Janeway's tentatively said her name.

"'I am an American Airman,'" ¹ Tegan's voice was tired and weak. "'I am a Warrior. I have answered my Nation's call.

"'I am an American Airman. My mission is to Fly, Fight, Win. I am faithful to a Proud Heritage, A Tradition of Honor, And a Legacy of Valor.

"'I am an American Airman. Guardian of Freedom and Justice, My Nation's Sword and Shield, Its Sentry and Avenger. I Defend my Country with my Life.

"'I am an American Airman. Wingman, Leader, Warrior.'" She looked up at her captain and then over to Tuvok. "'I will never leave an Airman behind, I will never falter, And I will not fail.' Hoo-ah."

"Hoo-ah?" Tuvok asked giving himself something to focus on other than the pain.

"Hoo-ah." Tegan repeated.

"Its old military slang, derived from the phonetic for H-U-A meaning heard, understood and acknowledge." Janeway explained. "It has a wide variety of uses, including some which can be sarcastic, but it never means no."

"I see." Tuvok looked back down at Tegan. "What was that you just recited?"

"The United States Airman's Creed." Tegan decided to give him fair warning. "Sorry Tuvok, this is going to hurt."

He braced himself as she grabbed the chain between her shackles and stretched her arms upward. When the chain was free of the hook her arms fell and she toppled over onto her side. "Hoo-AH!"

"I do believe that was said in place of an explicative." Tuvok stated once he was able to catch his own breath. He could think of a few explicit words to use, most of which would put most Klingons to shame.

Janeway watched as Tegan grabbed a hold of one of the knives with her biomechanical hand. "Tegan?"

She thrummed her fingers over it as if she was getting the best possible grip on it before she fisted it tightly in her hand.

"Lieutenant." Janeway's voice was firmer this time, her command tone taking over. She only waited a second for Tegan to acknowledge her before she barked her rank and name. "Lieutenant Kiser."

"'I am an American Airman.'" Tegan mumbled as she twisted the knife in her leg slightly causing Tuvok to inhale sharply and drink in the pain.

Something clicked and Janeway changed how she addressed Tegan. "Major Kiser."

"Ma'am?" Green eyes snapped up to meet cloudy blue ones.

"Let go of the knife."

"It's fine." She offered from her awkward position on her side.

"It's not." Janeway could see the blood flowing around the blade more so than she had previously. She was afraid when she had been lowered to the ground the knife may have moved and nicked a major blood vessel.

"I'm going to use it to kill him when he comes back." Tegan's eyes were glassy and in a far off place.

"No you're not, do you understand me?"

"I am a warrior, I will not fail." Tegan spoke louder.

"You will stand down Major Kiser, that's an order."

She opened her hand and let it fall away.

Janeway raised worried eyes to Tuvok.

"She has lost a lot of blood."

"I know." Janeway nodded. "I think she's delirious."

"She thinks she's back in the Air Force."

"It isn't a stretch; it wasn't that long ago that she still was."

"I'm right here you know." Tegan closed her eyes.

"Tegan?" Janeway asked.

"Can you feel it Tuvok?"

"I can feel your pain, Lieutenant."

"Teal'c? When did I get demoted?" She rolled her head and took a deep breath as the pain shot through her shoulder and neck. "Janet is going to kill me when we get back to base."

"Janet?" Janeway remembered Tegan asking about her when she had first come aboard Voyager. She remembered she had been killed in action only a few weeks after Tegan had been thrown forward in time.

"You know, Dr. Fraiser."

"You are Lieutenant Tegan Kiser, a Starfleet officer assigned to the U.S.S. Federation Starship Voyager." Tuvok attempted to ground her in the present.

"I am…" She thought for a second before rolling her head toward Tuvok. "Not going to give up."

"No Lieutenant," Tuvok agreed. "You are not."

"Awww, isn't that touching?" Jurroth marched over and grabbed the hook pulling it down and placing the shackles back in it.

"What did I ever do to you?" Tegan stared at him.

"You didn't give me the information I asked for and my balls are still swollen where you kneed me."

"Oh, right. Good." She smiled but it didn't last long as Jurroth walked over and pressed the controls lifting Tegan back up in the air, none too slowly. Her whole body protested and she screamed out. "Owww, you mother…" She saw Janeway's eyebrow quirk and finished the statement with a growl leaving her wondering if she actually ever used harsher cuss words. "Argh!"

"You're bleeding." Jurroth looked at the blood that was running down her leg from one of the daggers. "Maybe I should just pull it out?"

Tegan was too busy trying to catch her breath to offer a snarky come back.

"Or," he picked up the torch. "I could always cauterize it for you."

Janeway was glad they hadn't been given anything to eat as she watched him pulled the blade out about an inch and heat it while it was still buried in Tegan's leg burning the surrounding skin in the process. When he finished both Tegan and Tuvok were hoarse from screaming.

"Now, since I was so nice and helped you out how about one of you help me out?" He turned around looking at each one of them.

When his eyes landed back on Tegan she croaked quietly. "Fuck you."

If she had lifted her eyes she would have seen Janeway's jaw drop momentarily, but she was too busy watching Jurroth steady her leg and grab her dislocated knee cap. "I'm afraid I didn't hear that."

"I said," she licked her lips, "Fuck You."

This time as he jerked it to the opposite side of her leg she didn't scream. It wasn't that she didn't want to give him the satisfaction she just couldn't scream anymore. It didn't help anything hurt any less anyway. He watched as her eyes glowed for the second time. "How do you do that?"

"What?" She asked her throat felt blistered.

"Your eyes?"

"'I am an American Airman.'"

"The other prisoners, they're gone." Dr. Murdrow burst into the room breathless.

"What?" Jurroth grabbed the pole and raised it causing Murdrow to shrink back.

"They just, they aren't there. I got a call from the planet, they can't raise the men on the ship and they tried transporting them back but it's not working."

Jurroth swung around striking Tegan in the chest and breaking the ribs on the other side. She grunted but that was all as Tuvok cried out from beside her. "They'll never find us here."

"I wouldn't underestimate my people Jurroth." Janeway raised her chin to Tegan using her as an example of what they were capable of. "We don't give up."

"'I will never leave an Airman behind'." Tegan spoke through the pain.

"Shut up." Jurroth rammed the end of the rod into her sternum and let the pulses of energy fly. In his shackles Tuvok convulsed.

Over the crackling of the torture stick and the sounds of Tuvok convulsing Tegan could be heard. "'I will never falter… I will not fail.'"

"Stop," Janeway demanded.

Jurroth moved the pole away and turned to her. "You have nothing I can use now Captain."

"Let us go and we'll help you."

"How can you help us?"

"We can find a more habitable area of this planet and transport you there. We can give you supplies to build houses and start gardens with."

He pointed the pole at Tegan. "After what I've done to her, why would you help me?"

"Because no one should be treated the way you all have been, I don't care what crimes you committed."

Jurroth dropped the pole and looked at Murdrow. "Remove the neural link."

¹ "The Airman's Creed" USAF


	12. Chapter 12

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 12

They were all three beamed directly to sick bay. Janeway turned to see Chakotay as he walked in. "We managed to disable their transporters at least temporarily."

"And you transported Jurroth and Murdrow to the brig?"

"Yes Captain." He stared at the cut on her lip. "Though I'm not sure why. Anyway B'Elanna and Seven are on the moon now setting charges to disable the facility where you were…"

"I wasn't." She turned as the doctor started running his tricorder over Tegan.

"I need to check you over Captain."

"You need to tend to Tegan and Tuvok, I'm fine Doctor."

"You are far from fine Captain. You are dehydrated, in need of food and rest, and from what I've heard of your captivity I'm willing to bet you have pulled ligaments in your shoulders." He pointed to a bed with his eyes.

"I don't have time for this." She dismissed him with her voice. "I have duties I must tend to."

"I thought that was what you had a first officer for." The doctor mumbled and Janeway shot lasers through him with her eyes. "Of course what do I know I'm just the emergency medical hologram."

He turned his attention to Tuvok as he continued to scan Tegan. "I am fine as well Doctor."

"Not you too." He rolled his eyes.

"You, Tuvok, will stay put." Janeway lifted a finger daring him to argue with her.

"Of course Captain."

"I suppose you are going to tell me you are fine too." He looked over the barely clothed Tegan and checked the tricorder readouts. He frowned when she didn't agree with him. "Mr. Paris I am going to need the antidote for the thalamus inhibitor loaded into a hypospray."

"Doctor, you will keep me apprised." Janeway headed to the door with Chakotay.

"When do I not?" He looked at the hypospray Tom handed him before dialing up the appropriate dose and injecting it into Tegan's neck.

"Doc," Tom spoke over the alarm tones before Janeway could escape the sickbay. "She's crashing. Her O2 sats are 88%."

Janeway turned back her eyes filled with concern and fear as skeletal fingers made of ice clawed at her insides, clutching her stomach.

"Computer erect a force field and increase the oxygen levels to 100%." The doctor looked at Tom as the force field flickered into place.

"Oxygen saturation is holding at 93%, heart rate is climbing 240." Tom glanced over briefly as Janeway stepped up to the console.

Tegan gasped, clearly struggling to hang on.

"Is it a reaction to the antidote?" Janeway barked, her command mask at least was halfway in place and her scientific mind was grasping for answers.

"I don't know." The doctor shook his head. "It shouldn't be. It's more likely that her body is reacting to the pain."

"Can't you give her something?"

"Unfortunately Captain, it seems the chemical compound they used is counteracting anything I do give her." He turned and looked at his patient as he seriously debated kicking Janeway out of Medical. "Try and calm down. I am doing everything I can."

Tegan's eyes rolled back in her head.

"She's in v-fib Doc." Tom stepped up to the force field in case the doctor needed his assistance.

The doctor pulled two discs off the emergency cart and placed them on Tegan's chest. Out of habit he checked the parameter of the biobed before yelling "clear" and pressing a button on one of the discs which discharged an electrical current through her chest in effect resetting her heart's natural rhythm.

Tegan's body jerked up off the bed as her back arched. Her eyes flew open and locked onto the doctor. "Fuck!"

"Sorry." He grinned lightly glad she revived so easily.

Janeway walked up and lowered the force field long enough to step through, the pure oxygenated environment made her slightly euphoric and she realized just how much she needed to rest when she was done tending her duties. She looked down at Tegan whose green eyes were resting on her face. "I will not put a flag on your casket, is that understood?"

"Aye Captain."

She lowered her voice so only Tegan and the doctor, who was standing entirely too close as he continued checking his tricorder readings, could hear. "Just because you and Tuvok are no longer connected doesn't mean you can stop fighting now. 'Fly, fight, win'."

"Yes, ma'am." Her voice cracked.

"You're vocal cords have been strained doctor. You need to try not to talk." The EMH raised an eyebrow. "I will be able to make them as good as new, but only if you rest them."

"Go be a Captain." Tegan ignored him and the raw blistery feeling in the depths of her throat. "I will be here."

"You better be." Janeway's face stiffened and she raised her voice an octave. "That's an order."

"If you aren't going to grab a bed and rest like you should then I am going to ask that you and Commander Chakotay leave so that I can tend to my patients." He didn't look for the rebuke in her expression as he turned to Tom. He knew it would be there. "I need a pint of packed red blood cells, type O negative, and a liter of D5NS run wide open and piggy back 20mEq potassium on it."

"Doctor?" Janeway gave him a concerned look.

"She's hypovolemic and if I don't replace the blood she lost she's going to die." He looked deliberately at an empty bed. "The fact that you don't remember how much blood she lost is reason enough for me to insist that you remain here and at least let me check you over."

She looked at him sternly for a second. "I have other things on my mind at the moment, like what to do with those people."

Janeway turned and headed out the door with Chakotay on her heels. "Why did you tell her you wouldn't put a flag on her casket?"

Janeway continued to the turboshaft thinking the comment was self-explanatory. "It was a figure of speech."

He waited until they were in the turbolift to speak again. "Kathryn I know that you care about her a great deal."

She glared at him stopping him from continuing his train of thought. "I am not having this discussion. Not here. Not now." She glanced up as she spoke. "Computer Brig."

"Lieutenant." Janeway pointed to the hallway with her eyes as both brows climbed her forehead. Chakotay was two steps behind her acting as her shadow.

Before the doors to the brig had closed behind him Jurroth stood. "How is she?"

There was something in his expression. The way his eyes twinkled when he had asked the question. Janeway marched up to the force field leaving it in place as a restraint for her own anger. "If she dies because of what you've done."

"You'll what?" He didn't let her continue with some threat that was meant to make him quake. There was nothing left that frightened him. "Torture me? Kill me? You can't do anything to me that hasn't already been done. And death? I would welcome it." He watched her eyes shift to the cell Murdrow was being held in. "And don't think he's innocent in all this. He's the one who came up with the chemical concoction they were injected with."

Her eyes shifted back to Jurroth as she tried to pin him with her gaze, but he had a very valid point. What could she threaten him with? She had seen him cut his own arm and welcome the pain.

"If she dies are you going to kill me?" His voice danced with glee.

"Somehow I think you would enjoy that too much." Janeway turned and tapped her combadge. "Mr. Kim meet me and Commander Chakotay in the astrometrics lab."

"Aye, Captain," came his quick reply.

Janeway walked in to find Harry had arrived before them. B'Elanna who had been talking to Seven turned to look at the captain her eyes falling to the cut that spanned both her upper and lower lips, it made her stomach feel cold.

"We need to scan the planet for a more hospitable environment to relocate these people to."

"You have got to be kidding me." B'Elanna threw her hands in the air. "After what they did? They don't deserve our help."

"I don't believe I asked for your opinion Lieutenant." Janeway narrowed her eyes on her chief engineer. "Did you take care of the facility on the moon?"

"Blew it to smithereens Captain." She stood a little taller despite the reproach from her captain.

"Good. I want you to take a team down to the surface and do the same to their transporters." She turned to Seven and Harry. "I want those results an hour ago."

"Yes ma'am." Harry was still trying to get the complete story as to what had happened while he was on the away mission with Chakotay and Seven, but with Tom helping out in the infirmary he hadn't been able to get much. Most of the crew seemed to be too shell-shocked to talk about it. At least the Captain was herself, although she seemed a tad more on edge than usual.

"What are you waiting for?" She barked at Torres causing Harry to reassess his earlier assessment, the captain was a lot more on edge than normal.

"Sickbay to Seven."

Seven tapped her badge calmly, grateful for the interruption since she was currently debating standing up for B'Elanna but she also realized Janeway was the captain and had given her orders. "Yes Doctor?"

"I need your assistance in sickbay."

She looked at Janeway catching the momentary flicker of concern in her eyes before she nodded for her to go. "I am on my way."


	13. Chapter 13

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 13

"Knowing that Doctor Kiser has never received any replicated blood we decided to mix her blood with the replicated blood, basically a type and cross match, only to find that she immediately starts to break the replicated cells down." The doctor explained as quickly as possible.

"And you wanted to see if my nanoprobes would be helpful?"

"Do you mind?" His eyes searched Seven's stoic face.

"Not at all doctor." She inclined he head slightly aware that it was the first time he had ever asked instead of just insisting. "Doctor Kiser is my friend and I would like to help her."

"Your friend?" Her face scrunched up in pain.

"I thought I told you not to talk." The EMH rolled his eyes. "If you were a hologram I would deactivate your vocal processors."

"Yes." Seven spoke as she began extracting nanoprobes. "My friend, if I remember correctly you came to astrometrics before I left with Commander Chakotay and Ensign Kim and offered your friendship."

Tegan nodded.

* * *

"Why are you helping them?" Chakotay asked as they headed out of astrometrics not far behind B'Elanna and Seven.

"Because I told them I would."

"But they're criminals. From what B'Elanna told me they over took the guards and killed them all and they would have tortured and killed every member of the crew had we all been captured."

Janeway stopped her forward progression. "Yes they are criminals and while I don't agree with their tactics they are trying to survive. I don't think they would have done the things they did to Tegan or to the guards if they weren't treated in the same manner."

"So you're saying it was a learned process?" He shook his head.

"I don't know." She rubbed at her temples. "What I do know is they were tortured. No human being, no living creature, should be treated like that no matter what they've done."

He was glad he hadn't seen what she had seen, the look her eyes and the eyes of the rest of the crew told him all he needed to know about what they did to Tegan and Tuvok. "What about the prime directive?"

"I'm not interfering with the 'normal development of any alien life or society'. They aren't a society any more. They are the remnants of a penal colony abandoned by their society. They are all male, they can't procreate. All I am doing is relocating them to a more hospitable part of the planet to live out the remainder of their days and making sure that they can't do to any other ship's crew, what they did to mine."

* * *

"Something in her blood is rendering my nanoprobes inert." Seven's ocular implant dipped toward her eye and a small frown pulled at her lips. She wasn't used to things not going her way. "I have tried several times to reprogram them, always with the same result. I cannot assimilate her blood."

"I didn't think 'cannot' was in the Borg vocabulary." Tom commented off handedly.

"Then we'll just have to do it the old fashioned way." The doctor looked down at his grey-pasty pain stricken patient. "You never make things easy do you? Never mind, computer I need a list of all crew with type O negative blood."

"Computer belay that." Seven spoke. "I am O negative."

"Yes but because she might react negatively to your nanoprobes we can't transfuse her with your blood. I can't risk her having a reaction, not at this point." The EMH opened his mouth to repeat his request to the computer.

"Captain Janeway, Lieutenant Hayley Wellis, Ensign Samantha Wildman, Naomi Wildman, Ensign Tal Celes, Crewman Amanda Porter and Crewman MacAlister are all O negative." Seven searched eidetic memory and ticked them off.

"Thank you Seven." He tapped his combadge.

* * *

"Captain!" Naomi jumped to her feet when the door to her quarters opened to reveal Janeway.

"Captain?" Samantha hadn't expected the captain to show up at her quarters and started to stand. She wished she had gone to the door instead of just saying 'enter'.

"As you were Ensign." She smiled softly and looked to Naomi. "You too Ms. Wildman."

"Yes Captain." The young girl plopped back down on the couch but kept concerned eyes on Janeway.

"I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing." She shifted her gaze from Samantha to Naomi and back.

"We're doing ok Captain." She broke eye contact to look at Janeway's boots. "Thanks to Dr. Kiser."

Janeway nodded.

"Is she alright Captain?" Naomi asked ready to burst at the seams with curiosity and concern for her newest friend.

"The doctor is tending to her right now." She made it a rule to never give anyone false hope and right now she couldn't promise the girl something that was entirely out of her control. As much as she hated to ask she did it anyway. "Naomi?"

"Yes Captain?" Her brows tried to intersect above her nose as her face scrunched up. She couldn't remember when or if the captain had ever addressed her by her first name.

"How much did you see?" She had been quickly briefed about the large view screens and speakers at the compound as well as how B'Elanna and Tom had stepped up in her absence to shore up the crew.

"Oh," Naomi frowned and then shrugged. "Not very much, Neelix told me stories and sang some. He isn't a very good singer."

Janeway chuckled lightly.

"Doctor to Ensign Wildman, I need you to report to the infirmary right away."

Janeway nodded.

"I'm on my way." Samantha turned to Naomi. "Why don't you go find Neelix and see if he needs any help?" She looked at Janeway. "He's putting together food and making sure everyone eats something."

"Leave it to Mr. Neelix."

Janeway was in the middle of talking to Hayley Wellis and checking on little William when her badge chirped. "Sickbay to Captain Janeway this is the doctor."

Her stomach flipped as she touched the cool metal. "Go ahead Doctor."

"I need to see you in sickbay."

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

"It is rather urgent Captain."

"I'm on my way, Janeway out."

Janeway rushed into sickbay to see Tal Celes sitting in a recliner positioned next to the biobed Tegan was currently inhabiting, a clear tube with red fluid ran from her arm into a machine and out the other side where it ran up the side of the bed and into Tegan's arm. "Doctor, is something wrong with the replicators?"

He turned knowing she had asked the most logical question to keep the fear out of her voice. "I wish." He spoke candidly. He reasoned there was no need to handle her with kid gloves; she was the captain for a reason after all. "We typed and cross-matched her with replicated blood only to find that she would immediately hemolyze it, there's no telling what kind of system wide reaction it would have in her body. She's in hypovolemic shock and I had to do something before her organs started to fail."

"A direct person to person transfusion, have they even been done since the first two great world wars?"

"It's unprecedented I know." He gave her a grim look. "I didn't have a choice."

"Is it working?"

"It's too early to tell. She's going to need more than I can easily obtain."

"Let me guess, she's O negative?" Even though that was the blood type the doctor had requested be replicated she wasn't entirely sure it was her blood type since it was the universal donor type.

"Precisely," he nodded.

"Seven percent of the human population is O negative, I don't see the problem."

"We've got about that on board Voyager looking at the total population we should have nine-point-eight and we have nine counting Tegan. The problem is Tegan can't give herself blood at the moment. Her antibodies and possibly the naquada in her system are attacking Seven's nanoprobes." He glanced at the woman in question who stood looking over the console readouts monitoring Tegan's vitals. "I can't be certain she won't react to Seven's blood even if I could extract every nanoprobe from it. So that's two down, Naomi Wildman is both too young and only half human, and Crewmen Porter and MacAlister are still recovering from burns from the attack on the ship and aren't able to give blood yet. Hayley Wellis is still breast feeding and shouldn't give blood. Which leaves three, you and Ensigns Wildman and Celes. As is I'm taking a change with Celes' Bajoran physiology, but I am hoping it pays off."

She pulled her Jacket off. "Let's get started then."

"I'm only considering you as a candidate because of the emergent situation. I must insist that you stay in the infirmary after this Captain."

"Insist all you want Doctor. I am not finished with what I have to do. So, take your pint of blood, give me a cookie and I'll be on my way."

"I do not believe a cookie is adequate nutrition Captain, you have not eaten since prior to your abduction."

Her eyes narrowed on the tall blonde who ignored the look and continued her diatribe.

"You will have adequate time to partake of acceptable nutritional supplements while your blood is being collected. What would you like replicated?"

"I am capable of taking care of myself." Janeway growled at her.

"Where have I heard that before?" Tegan's voice floated weakly from her position on the bed.

"You're still conscious?" Janeway watched her slowly and gingerly turn her heard toward her.

"Not because I want to be." He voice was rough as the words cracked across her vocal cords.

Janeway offered her an apologetic look. "I didn't think you were supposed to be talking."

"You eat, I'll shut up."

"We're only concerned about you Captain." Samantha spoke, her voice just above a whisper.

"Fine." Janeway waved her hand in the air as she relented. "Replicate Janeway zero one zero."

Seven sat the platter with a medium rare steak, baked potato and broccoli on it in front of the captain. She ran the medical tricorder over her and after watching Janeway grimace and drop the knife twice while trying to cut into the steak, Seven gently removed the utensils from her hands. "After the doctor repairs the micro-tears in your shoulders you will be back to cutting up your own dead animals."

"Thanks Seven, that's so appetizing." She shook her head slightly as Seven effortlessly cut the steak.

"This animal is still bleeding." Seven observed.

"That's the way I like my steak." Janeway grinned.

From where he stood next to Tuvok, Tom made the sound of a lowly cow. "Mooooo!"

Tuvok just looked at Tom his full Vulcan demeanor intact.

"Come on Tuvok, you gotta admit that was funny." Tom urged him to at least try to smile.


	14. Chapter 14

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 14

By the time Janeway was done giving blood Ensigns Wildman and Celes were long gone. Seven had taken off a few minutes prior to her finishing, her services no longer needed there, when she heard Chakotay report that B'Elanna had returned from the surface, her task complete. Tom was moving quietly around Tuvok who at least was pretending to rest. She stood and looked from the doctor to Tegan and back.

"Only for a few minutes Captain."

She nodded and paced up to the force field holding the increased oxygen around Tegan and dropped it long enough to step in. She reached out and took Tegan's hand, not unlike she might any of her crew that had gone through what she had. Though in the past a touch like that would have been to give comfort, in this instance it served to both give and take. She needed the reassurance that Tegan was still alive, the warm feel of flesh, a beating heart. Her hand was cold but she squeezed Janeway's fingers to let her know there was still life left in her.

She searched murky green eyes that lacked their lime highlighted vibrancy. She would apologize if it wasn't uncaptain like. Though the reasons she felt guilty where over things she could not change. She was a member of Starfleet. She was a captain. Those things couldn't change, not here, out in the middle of the Delta Quadrant, not now with a crew depending on her. She watched as Tegan's pale lids slid shut and then snapped back open again before her eyes rolled back in her head. "Doctor?"

"The inhibitor has worn off. At least for now she's not feeling any pain." He looked from her up to Janeway. "Captain, I really wish you would reconsider."

"I'll be back when I'm done." She lifted her concerned eyes to his. "Is she going to be ok?"

"It's still too early to tell. Hopefully no damage was done from the hypovolemia and I should be able to fix the rest of her physical wounds."

"And Tuvok?" She glanced at the Vulcan who had finally succumbed to exhaustion when the inhibitor wore off.

"He'll be fine physically. He has similar shoulder wounds to yours that I will need to repair surgically. Mentally, you all have a hard recovery ahead of you."

"I'm fine mentally." She informed him with an acidic tone.

"Forget that she's your girlfriend, they still tortured them to get to you. You are far from fine."

"I have work to do."

"My point exactly." He watched her retreat through the sickbay doors.

* * *

"Computer who is it?" B'Elanna asked when she heard the door chime.

"Seven of Nine."

"Come in." She sighed not bothering to move from the couch.

"I heard you were back." Seven stood in the doorway.

"Yeah, I went to look for you in astrometrics and the cargo bay but you weren't there." B'Elanna unzipped her jacket and pulled it off tossing it aside. "You can come in you know."

Seven stepped in just enough to let the doors slide shut behind her. "I was in sickbay assisting the doctor. You are not happy."

"It's been a long few days." She rubbed at the lower ridges on her forehead.

"Do you want to talk about?" Seven offered knowing it was the thing she was supposed to say but not sure she was an appropriate sounding board.

"You saw what they did to them." B'Elanna growled.

"Yes." Seven paced across the room and sat next to B'Elanna. "But maybe it will help if you tell me what I didn't see."

"What do you mean?" B'Elanna blinked at her.

"I do not know what you saw. What you felt." Seven only knew what she felt when she saw what was done. Even as Borg she had never tortured anyone. The Borg did not need to torture. They assimilated the information they desired. Such barbaric means did not exist within the Borg collective.

"It was horrible Seven." B'Elanna leaned into her unyielding frame pulling from her the strength she so desperately needed.

* * *

Janeway walked onto the bridge and looked at the mismatched crew. Harry was standing in his usual position and Chakotay stood offering her the Captain's seat, the rest were crew from different shifts. Whoever had fared the best from the conditions of their imprisonment and didn't need rest right away had stepped forward in all departments to work. Tom was still helping in the infirmary despite his own need for food, fluids and rest. B'Elanna had been ordered off duty after her two missions, one to the moon and the other back to the planet to destroy the technology that was used in an attempt to safeguard other passing vessels.

"Report." She spoke with practiced precision not allowing her voice to betray her exhaustion.

"We've found a suitable area for them on a completely different continent." Chakotay looked up at Harry. "Ensign Kim?"

"The projections from astrometrics show that the weather is similar to that of the mid-eastern North America, and it is early spring giving them ample time to try and plant and build appropriate shelters before winter." He stifled a yawn as he finished.

"Very well, let's start transporting them."

"What about the men in the brig?" Chakotay raised his brow causing his tattoo to wrinkle.

"No, not yet."

* * *

As soon as she was stable enough, and after Tom had gotten a chance to at least eat, the doctor took Tegan into surgery with Tom acting as his scrub nurse. He realigned her dislocated shoulder and fixed tears in the ligaments and muscles of both shoulders. He also found a fracture of her right scapula on his scans that he did as much as he could to heal it with the osteo-regenerator. He also used it on her ribs getting between 48 and 52% healing on each. Her knee required invasive surgery to repair and even with it and the use of the dermal regenerator it was going to take time for it to heal. The easiest thing he had tackled was the cut on the bottom of her foot which he was able to close quickly and rather efficiently in his mind with the dermal regenerator.

The doctor used a laser scalpel to excise the knife that had been seared into Tegan's leg as well as the dead muscle and skin that had been cooked and burned onto it. He did his best with the dermal regenerator and hoped to be able to use it again in 12 hours to further along the progression. "Hemostat."

Tom handed him the requested instrument and watched as he started to dig pieces of melted gray fabric out of the raw blistery flesh covering her right breast. "Doc, you have got to be kidding me."

"I have got to remove all the foreign material before I can use the dermal regenerator." He was glad he had anesthetized her and not just sedated her for all of this. He pulled another piece free ripping a chunk of flesh out with it. His eyes slid up to Tom for a second to find that he was changing colors, he went from white to an odd almost green color as beads of sweat broke out on his forehead. "If you are going to vomit, please step out of the surgical bay."

Tom turned and took two steps before his stomach purged itself. The liquid contents with small chunks of still digesting food arched up and over the console to the surgical bay before it hit the sickbay floor and spattered in a 360 degree radius.

"I'm almost done here." The doctor sighed. "Go, I can handle the rest on my own."

"Thanks Doc." Tom mumbled as he wiped his mouth on his sleeve. He had seen too much, been awake too long. He didn't think they were going to make it out of that one. He had been brave for as long as he could, he made it into the sonic shower before he crumpled to the tiled floor.


	15. Chapter 15

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 15

She wasn't sure how it had happened but she had gone from talking to Seven about their ordeal on the planet to turning into a blubbering wreck in her arms. She pulled back and wiped angrily at her eyes. "Some Klingon I am, huh?"

"I believe it is normal after what you have been through." Seven offered, trying to sound more comforting than astute.

Had they not been in a relationship B'Elanna would have barked: _What could you possibly know about it? You're Borg._ But she knew Seven now and she knew she was so much more than Borg. She also knew she was right. Still it didn't make her feel any better about it. "I want to think about something else?"

"Such as?" Seven's ocular implant rose as B'Elanna grinned at her.

* * *

She had just finished going over the list of things that still needed to be done with Chakotay when she swayed forward. He reached out to steady her. "You should be in sickbay Captain."

"I'm fine Chakotay." She looked at his hand and he took the hint and removed it.

"I can handle this." He quietly reminded her as the skeleton crew on the bridge went about their duties, most of them on auto pilot.

"The supplies."

"One shovel, one axe, one saw, a month's supply of military rations. We went over this. I'll beam Mr. Jurroth and Mr. Murdrow down at the last possible second." He raised pleading brows letting his brown eyes convey his concern for her welfare.

"Commander," She stood a little straighter. "You have the bridge."

"Aye Captain."

* * *

"Not here." Seven spoke in a low tone. Not that they hadn't done it on B'Elanna's couch before but tonight was different. B'Elanna needed something different. Klingon-Borg monkey sex might take her mind off the things she saw, but it wasn't what she needed. She needed to be loved. To feel loved.

"Why not? Here is just as good as anywhere." She grumbled when Seven removed her warm naked body from hers. "Things were just getting good."

"I wish for things to be much better than good." Seven pulled her to her feet and turned her in the direction of the bedroom. "And we were barely getting started."

B'Elanna smiled at the unspoken promises and let herself be pushed toward the bedroom.

When they reached the foot of the bed Seven gently spun the smaller woman around and pushed her back on the bed. "Get comfortable."

"Seven?"

"I am going to spend hours making slow passionate love to you." She let her corners of her lips curl ever so slightly.

B'Elanna scooted up on the bed and rested her head on the pillows already feeling the weight of exhaustion. She hadn't slept since… she didn't want to think about that. "I don't know if I can last hours Seven."

"Then I will make do with the time I have." She climbed onto the bed kissing her way up B'Elanna's legs. "Computer, lights to one quarter."

* * *

"Captain." The EMH turned to look at her when she walked into sickbay.

"How are they?" She looked at the two patients currently taking up bed space.

"I just finished repairing Tuvok's shoulders and they are both stable for now." He studied her with great intensity. "Are you here as Captain or as a patient?"

"Both."

"Good then grab a bed." He watched her stare at Tegan. "She's going to be out for a while and the sooner I repair the damage in your shoulders the better chance you'll have at a full recovery."

"I don't want to be put to sleep." She stepped up to a bed and started to remove her jacket.

"I will wake you up as soon as I am done."

"You had better." Her tired glare didn't have the effect she had hoped for.

"I promise." He rolled his eyes.

* * *

Seven lay there holding B'Elanna against her body as she slept. She listened to her breathing for over an hour before she finally decided she had to get answers. She carefully extracted herself from her lover took a quick shower and dressed. She waited until she was in the corridor outside B'Elanna's quarters to speak to the computer. "Computer, locate Captain Janeway."

"Captain Janeway is in sickbay."

True to his word, and against his better judgment, the doctor woke Janeway when he was finished with the surgical repairs to her shoulders. Despite his requests that she rest she was standing at the console staring at Tegan when Seven entered. "Captain, can I have a minute of your time?"

"What is it Seven?" She asked wearily as she turned to look at her.

She stopped a few feet away and stood tall with clasped hands resting at the small of her back. "I do not understand why you would choose to help these people after what they did to you and your crew."

"Just how much do you know?" Janeway may have missed their philosophical conversations but she didn't miss Seven's penchant for ill timing.

"I accompanied B'Elanna Torres to the facility on the moon where I assimilated the data from the surveillance orbs before they were destroyed. B'Elanna explained to me how the images were broadcast live for everyone to observe and that they could close their eyes to block out the images but they still had to listen to what was happening."

"Did she also tell you that they found evidence that they had eaten fellow prisoners who had been tortured to death just so they could survive while their captors feasted on food from their home world?"

"No." Seven swallowed. "She did not tell me that."

"Do you think you could eat one of your friends Seven?" She realized a fellow prisoner might not be a friend, but she asked the question anyway.

Seven looked at Tegan and then back to Janeway.

"If you had to do it to survive?" She reached out and held on to the console to steady herself.

"I am not sure if my humanity would allow me to."

"Mine either." She smiled lightly glad they at least agreed on that.

"You still have not answered my question, Captain. Why would you help them after what they have done?" She tilted her head off balance slightly. "You did not make them criminals. You did not brutalize and torture them."

"No but no one should be treated that way and I gave my word. If I go back on it and leave them to starve than I am no better than they are."

After several minutes Seven spoke again, her voice much softer. "Captain?"

She sighed. "Yes Seven?"

"I do not believe this is what the doctor meant when he told you to rest." She didn't give Janeway time to argue. "If you will allow me, I would like to stand vigil while you rest."

Janeway gave her a small appreciative smile and nodded.

* * *

Tegan felt the sun warm on her face as a delicate breeze flitted across her skin like a lover's gentle caress. She inhaled. The air was light and crisp unlike that of the constantly filtered and recirculated air on Voyager. She looked up at the sky with perfectly shaped cottony clouds hanging suspended in an azure sea. She had almost forgotten how much she missed the sun.

She was sitting under the shade of a large oak tree, she had been here before. She looked down to find she was dressed the same now as then, she wore a white blouse with a white eyelet skirt. Uncut green grass grew in abundance for miles in every direction until it met purple-blue mountains that jutted to greet the sky. She had sat under that very tree after she had lost her arm. She had asked her Nana if she was dying. She pushed to her feet looking for the old woman, Irene, her grandmother. She wondered if she would be here after all this time. For her the time since she had been there could be counted in months, but how did the dead count time? Had it been nearly four-hundred years for her? Had she grown tired of waiting for her return? Had Shadow? Had they moved on to some other plane of existence and forgotten her? What about her mom, she had only seen her once and it had been in this place, would she still be here?

Her eyes scanned the horizon in all directions, nothing but grass and mountains as far as she could see.


	16. Chapter 16

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 16

The doctor activated himself with all intentions of insisting Captain Janeway return to her bed to rest, only to find that she was already lying on a bio bed sound asleep. He turned to see Seven standing sentry at the foot of Tegan's bed. "Seven, did you need my assistance?"

"No I am fine." She let her eyes travel over his holographic form. "I offered to stay with Dr. Kiser so Captain Janeway could rest."

"Speaking of rest, you need to regenerate."

"I have several more hours before I need to regenerate." She informed him coolly.

He looked around the infirmary. "Why does no one ever listen to me?"

Seven raised an eyebrow but did not answer his rhetorical question.

* * *

"Good morning B'Elanna Torres." Seven detoured to the mess hall on her way to regenerate in hopes of catching the chief engineer before her shift.

"Where did you disappear to?" She didn't hide the hurt nor the accusation from her voice.

"I went to sickbay. I did not think it would be a problem, you were after all sleeping."

B'Elanna glared at Seven.

Finally the young blonde spoke. "I do not see what I did wrong."

"You left me to go see her." B'Elanna flapped her hands aimlessly in the air while trying not to draw attention to their argument.

"After I comforted you, you fell asleep on me and I held you for over an hour while you slept. I needed to talk to Captain Janeway about her reasoning behind helping someone who could perform such acts of violence. After we talked I offered to stay with Dr. Kiser so that Captain Janeway would get the rest she needed." She paused for a second and studied her lover's face. "You should not be jealous of Captain Janeway or Dr. Kiser. I do believe you spend more time with the latter. Maybe it is I who should be jealous."

"I'm not jealous." She readily denied the accusation despite the feeling she had when she'd woken up to find Seven was no longer in her quarters. The feeling had only gotten worse when she'd asked the computer to locate her. She had hoped to hear the annoying female voice respond 'Seven of Nine is in Cargo Bay 2' but instead it had stated she was in sickbay.

"I don't believe you." Seven didn't need to hear the soft growl to know that the Klingon-human hybrid was jealous. She looked the shorter woman over, stepped into her space and without lowering her voice proclaimed; "You, B'Elanna Torres, are the only woman I want to make scream my name in ecstasy."

B'Elanna looked around the partially empty mess hall and blushed. "Next time at least leave a note."

"I shall request your permission to leave after we have made wild monkey sex in the future."

B'Elanna lowered her voice. "It wasn't wild monkey sex."

"No it was not." Seven let the corners of her lips curl in a small grin before becoming serious. "I need to regenerate."

* * *

She had given up on finding them, her grandmother, her mom, Shadow. She sat back down under the shade of the tree. Oh how she missed them. Missed them, and the others, her team, her family, Cassie, Dana and Maggie were of course part of that family, her family. She hadn't given herself much time to dwell on them since being aboard Voyager. Between working on the Starfleet training and working in the medical labs and sickbay she had little time for grieving. Instead she threw herself headfirst into a relationship with her captain. _What the hell was I thinking?_

_Do you love her? _ The other voice in her head asked.

"Of course I love her." She answered aloud.

"Tegan?"

The voice was so familiar it caused a smile to melt across her features as she turned to face the five-foot-two doctor. "Janet. Is it really you?"

"Yes, it's me." She smiled softly. "I've been waiting a long time for you."

"I've been here before." She looked around as she stood and stepped up to Janet. "Am I dead this time?"

"No." Janet stared at her with her big brown chocolate eyes.

"Will you stay here with me?" Her voice sounded tiny to her ears.

"For a while but we can't stay too long."

"We?" She searched for others.

"You, me, the rest of them."

"Them?" She questioned again.

"Sam, Jack, Teal'c, Daniel, Cassie, your grandmother Irene and Shadow."

"Why can't we stay?"

Janet tilted her head, a frown creasing her forehead. Tegan had seen that look more times than she could count. "You might never go back."

"Do I have to go back?"

"Only you can answer that."

Tegan smirked. "And here I thought you had all the answers."

"I see you're still a smart Alec." Janet smiled.

Tegan mirrored the expression. "More so now, I've got to pick up O'Neill's slack."

The air around them shifted. "I hadn't even had time to grieve your disappearance when I died. I hadn't given up hope that you were still out there, alive, but I still somehow expected you to be waiting for me."

"Oh Janet, I'm sorry. I—"

"Don't be." Janet shook her head. "I'm glad you weren't dead, but almost four centuries is a long time to wait to see you again."

She looked at her for several seconds before she blinked. "Why did you wait?"

"There's something I wanted to tell you." She started to fade, right in front of Tegan's eyes.

"Janet?" Her voice was panicked as she reached out, her fingers going right through the almost transparent body milliseconds before she completely disappeared.

* * *

"Captain, you're awake." The doctor walked over when he heard her stir.

She pushed herself into a sitting position allowing her legs to hang off the edge of the bed she was on. She looked around the room and noticed Tuvok was gone and Tegan was lying exactly as she had been when she had last seen her. "How long did I sleep?"

"Twenty-two hours."

"Seriously?" She slid off the bed and moved away from his meddlesome tricorder. "Someone should have woken me."

"You needed your rest." He frowned. "Would you please stand still?"

She tried to step around him but he anticipated her move and stepped with her. She growled lightly before relenting. "How is she?"

"Dr. Kiser is stable." He shrugged with one shoulder. "I was able to return her to a normal oxygenated environment. She is however in a comatose state."

"Medically induced?"

"I'm afraid not." He shook his head as he lowered the tricorder and let his dark eyes slip over to her prone form. "The good news is she isn't feeling any pain."

"And Tuvok?" She indicated the empty bed.

"I allowed him to leave an hour ago after he promised to eat and mediate as well as not return to duty for another 24 hours. I'm going to have to request that you do the same."

"I don't meditate Doctor." She glared at him. She gave the orders on Voyager, she certainly didn't follow them.

"Maybe you should learn to." He cocked a photonic eyebrow in her direction then let his face return to neutral. "You need to eat and rest for the next 24 hours."

"I just spent 22 hours resting Doctor."

"As Chief Medical Officer I am making it an order, Captain."

"Duly noted Doctor." She grabbed her jacket and pulled it on before yanking the zipper up. "Keep me informed of Tegan's status."

"Yes ma'am." He stared at her retreating back.

"Captain." Chakotay stood as she stepped onto the bridge. "I didn't expect to see you for another 24 hours."

She scowled briefly while thinking of all the different names she could call the doctor. "I only came to check on things before retiring to my quarters."

Chakotay smiled softly. "We beamed Mr. Juroth and Mr. Murdock down fifteen hours ago and we're back on course, heading toward the alpha quadrant at warp three."

"Very well," She nodded her approval. "I will leave the bridge in your capable hands."


	17. Chapter 17

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 17

"There she is." She heard Jack's voice and turned to see him and Daniel walking through the field in her direction. Daniel threw his hand in the air in greeting.

"Colonel, Daniel, why do you both look so young?" She grinned unable to hide her happiness at seeing them again.

"So you would recognize us." Jack stopped his forward progression a few yards in front of her. "Did you really expect me to look 105?"

"No sir."

"It's not 'sir' anymore, it's Jack."

"And it's Tegan, sir." It was a hard habit to break.

"Of course it is. So Tegan," he smiled, "a doctor on a Starfleet vessel, impressive. Although you did take a bit of a demotion from Air Force Major about to be a Lieutenant Colonel down to a Navy Lieutenant."

"It's not like I'm making money." She laughed lightly. "It's really not a big deal."

"Maybe when you get back to earth they'll give you the rank you deserve." Daniel straightened the glasses perched on his nose, the ones Tegan was sure he no longer needed.

"I'll be lucky if they don't throw the book at my captain and there's no telling what they will do with me."

"That's right." Jack rolled onto the balls of his feet and back down. "You two are—" He wiggled his index finger in the air. "How's that working out for you Kiser—sleeping with the boss?"

"It just kind of happened." She blushed deeply. "So, 105 Jack? I didn't know you had it in you."

"Neither did I." He shrugged. "But you've got me beat, over 400."

"Yes but I skipped about 375 of those. I'd think after 105 years actually lived you'd have some great knowledge to impart."

He glanced at Daniel and stole his quote, butchering it badly. "Something about candles smoking and cold dinner."

Tegan chuckled. "I can always count on you for a good laugh sir."

* * *

"When I said you needed to rest that didn't include standing guard over her in my sickbay."

Janeway turned and glared briefly at the holo-man.

"Would you give my advice any more heed if I were a real person?" He stepped up with his medical tricorder poised to scan her.

"I doubt it." She stepped away from the medical device.

"Well at least you're honest." He heaved his chest in a manufactured sigh. "Did you at least eat?"

"I did." She nodded. "I replicated tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich."

"I suppose that is better than coffee ice cream with coffee to wash it down." He grumbled.

Janeway canted her head toward Tegan. "Is there any change?"

"I'm afraid not. She's pretty much just as she was when you left this morning." He watched her step up and take her hand in hers. "But that's also a good thing. It appears she isn't going to reject any of the blood transfusions she was given."

* * *

Seven found B'Elanna in the mess hall after she finished her shift in astrometrics. She slipped into the empty seat across from her and looked over her tray as she folded her hands on the table in front of her.

"Are you not eating?" B'Elanna glanced up as she swallowed a piece of yellow Leola root.

"I do not require nutritional supplements at this time."

"How are Tegan and the captain doing?"

"I do not know, I have been busy in astrometrics."

"Look Seven." B'Elanna laid her fork down on her tray so she could stare into eyes of ice blue. They hadn't seen each other since the previous morning. "I didn't—I'm not jealous."

"Yes you are." She smiled slightly. "And it is cute."

"Did you just call me 'cute' Borg?" She reached across the table and playfully punched her in the shoulder.

"I did."

"I care about the captain and…" She looked across the mess hall and took a deep breath. "I care about Tegan too."

"They are your friends, you should care about them."

"I don't know if I would call Janeway a friend." B'Elanna shrugged.

"Outside of the chain of command, I do believe she would be honored to call you friend." Seven offered her personal observation.

"What do you say when I'm done eating we both head to sickbay and see how they are doing?"

"I think that would be an efficient use of our time." She watched as a smile curled both corners of B'Elanna's mouth.

* * *

Janeway turned and let go of Tegan's hand when she heard the doors to the infirmary open. _This is ridiculous Katie, you are the Captain. You can hold anyone's hand you want to. For all anyone knows you are offering her comfort and would be doing the same for any other member of your crew._

_But she isn't just any other member of your crew is she? _Why did the devil's advocate always have to run around in her head too? She let out a silent sigh of relief when her first officer stepped through the doors.

"Captain." He bobbed his head in greeting. He wasn't really surprised to see her there. "I thought you would be in your quarters."

"She is supposed to be in her quarters." The doctor scowled even though he knew his complaints were falling on deaf ears. Chakotay was as likely to back up his orders as Seven was to sprout wings and fly around like Tinkerbell.

He stepped closer. "I just thought I would stop in and see how she was getting along while I was doing my rounds."

Janeway wondered briefly why he didn't use her name, title or rank. "There's been no change since this morning according to the doctor."

He nodded at Janeway in acknowledgement and turned his head to the EMH. "That doesn't sound promising Doctor."

"Actually at this point I believe it is a good thing. She's stabilized and her body is getting the rest it needs. I will begin to worry if she doesn't regain consciousness in the next 24 hours, however." He looked to the doors as they slid open and B'Elanna and Seven walked in carrying flowers. "This isn't the holosuite, you cannot have your date here."

"They're for Tegan." B'Elanna held the small bouquet up.

"At the rate things are going they will be dead before she comes out of her coma and can enjoy them." The doctor pointed to the office. "I don't need them in my way."

"You're not in a very good mood are you?" B'Elanna handed the flowers to Seven who took them into the office as instructed.

"Because no one listens to me," He started to go off on one of his rants.

As if to prove his point, B'Elanna looked from him to Captain Janeway and Chakotay. "Sir. Captain, how are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, thank you."

"Tegan fine, or really fine?" Seven asked as she returned to the group.

Janeway gave her a half smile. "I'm pretty close to normal."

"That's good to hear." B'Elanna side stepped to look at the pale figure lying on the bed. "How's she doing?"

"She'd be doing a lot better if people would let her rest." The EMH barked.

"I should continue my rounds." Chakotay excused himself before the doctor started breathing fire.

"Can I?" B'Elanna pointed to Tegan and waited until the doctor stepped to the side to allow her to approach. She moved up beside the bed and gently touched her cheek. "Today is not a good day to die, my friend."

Janeway stopped her by putting her hand on her forearm as she was about to pass her. "Thank you."

B'Elanna nodded as Janeway's hand fell away and headed out the door with Seven.


	18. Chapter 18

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 18

At some point the doctor managed to kick her out of the infirmary. _Katie you must have really been tired to let him get away with that one,_ she thought as she woke up a few hours after climbing into bed. She pulled on her robe and went over to the replicator. "Coffee black."

She brought the mug up to her lips and took a long drag from it allowing the warm liquid to swirl over her tongue before she swallowed. She moved to her small desk and sat the mug down on its glass surface before she grabbed a PADD and started to compose a memo to her crew commending them on their bravery and how they pulled together to pull one another through the latest of Voyager's trials in the Delta quadrant. After she gave a brief update on Tegan's condition and let them know that she and Tuvok would be returning to work that very morning, she ended it on a more personal note than she normally would.

"_As you know Voyager is not a typical Starfleet Vessel, and we are not a typical Starfleet crew. Out of respect for you all I wanted to let you all know that I am dating Dr. Kiser. I realize it is not normal for a Starfleet Captain to date someone under their command—" Really Katie? _ She thought to herself, _That is the understatement of the decade. "—but Voyager's current situation is far from normal. I hope that what happened recently is proof that I will not put anything before my duties as your Captain, the wellbeing of Voyager as a whole and our goal of returning home. All command decisions regarding Lieutenant Kiser will be approved by Commanders Chakotay and Tuvok before being implemented. If anyone has any questions or concerns you may set up an appointment to speak with me directly." _

* * *

"Tuvok." The doctor turned to see him stepping through the doors. "Can I help you?"

"I came to see Dr. Kiser." He inclined his head toward the patient.

"I'm afraid she isn't very good company." He lifted a brow and scrunched his lips to one side of his face.

"She is still comatose?"

"Yes." He watched Tuvok step up to the side of the primary biobed and look down at her. "How did your day go?"

"It went fine. I am back to myself." He turned his head slightly and lifted a brow as he thought about the truth of the statement. He really needed to spend some time in his quarters meditating.

* * *

"Teal'c," She smiled broadly when she saw her old friend walking across the field toward her.

"Major Kiser." He bowed his head to her.

"It's Tegan." She laughed lightly at him.

"Indeed." He lifted a customary eyebrow. "I would ask how you are, but you are not well if you are here."

She watched him look around. "I don't know, I feel pretty good right now."

"You are avoiding your life."

"Is that what I'm doing?" She stepped closer to him. "I thought I was dying."

"Is that what you want?" He studied her intently.

"Is this what death is like?"

"Not exactly." He shifted his weight.

"You can't tell me can you?"

"It is different for everyone."

"Oh." She decided to change the subject; she knew at least one of them would be more forthcoming. "Have you seen my grandmother? Cassie?"

"They will be here soon."

* * *

"I think she's just fucking Janeway for the privileges." Crewman Robertson stood across from his friend who was leaning against the wall next to the replicator like they owned the place. "You know, nicer quarters more replicator rations."

"I've heard she doesn't even use her replicator rations." Crewman McMann sighed. "Still I'd like to know what Janeway has that I don't because I'd give my left nut to fuck her."

"A vagina and breasts," He laughed.

Seven paraded up to them and glared at Crewman McMann. "Repeat what you said Crewman."

"Excuse me?"

"I requested that you repeat your last statement."

"Don't do it Richard." Crewman Robertson warned. "You know how the captain feels about her pet Borg."

"She's probably fucking her too." Richard let his eyes traverse Seven's body pausing at her breasts before lifting back to meet her steady gaze. "I bet I could make you moan."

Seven brought her arm up with Borg precision, grabbed him in the groin and squeezed tightly eliciting a load groan just as the doors to the mess hall opened.

"Seven." Janeway's voice was an octave too high before it dipped down into an irritated growl. "Release him."

"I can explain Captain." She calmly turned her head to Janeway before letting her captive free.

"Oh you'd better." She cautioned. "My ready room, now." She looked at Crewman McMann then glanced at Crewman Robertson. "Report to sickbay, make sure he makes it there."

"Yes ma'am." Crewman Robertson breathed out on a shaky breath.

She had only meant to step into the mess hall to check on things before heading to sickbay to see how Tegan was doing. She didn't need to deal with disciplinary action over Seven assaulting another member of the crew. Seven had promised she could explain and she supposed it was possible there was a perfectly reasonable explanation for it. She speculated there was probably a far more practical justification than if B'Elanna had been the one behind the attack. Still she had other things she would much rather be dealing with. She sighed as she stepped into the turbolift. "Bridge."

She walked into her ready room to find Seven standing in front of her desk, erect with her hands clasped behind her back facing the entrance. She stared at her for a long minute before uttering a single word. "Explain."

It hadn't even been twelve hours since she had sent off the crew memo and already she was seeing the fallout. _Maybe you should have kept it to yourself Katie?_

_No, it was right to share it with the crew. It's a matter of trust._

She stepped into the sensor area opening the doors to sickbay and began speaking as soon as she started to march through the door. "Both of you." She nodded to the two crewmen with her angry blue gray eyes. "As soon as the doctor is finished with you, you are both to report to Commander Chakotay."

She paced up to the bed Richard was sitting on and lowered her voice despite the doctor and the still unconscious Tegan being the only other people in the room. "I have only one thing to say to you about what occurred in the mess hall; I am very disappointed in you both. Especially you Crewman McMann."

Richard lowered his eyes to her boots. "Sorry Captain."

She turned to the EMH and stepped away. "Doctor?"

"Gentlemen you are free to go." He gave them a curious look but didn't dare inquire. He turned to Janeway as the doors closed behind the two crewmen. "There's been no change."

"None?" Her shoulders dropped.

"No." He turned to the console panel and pressed a few buttons. "All of her systems appear to be functioning normally, right now it's just a waiting game."


	19. Chapter 19

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 19

She was less surprised when Cassie came bounding through the field toward her looking just as she had the day she had disappeared. It seemed right that they all looked the way she remembered them. Cassie bulldozed into her wrapping her arms around her tightly as her lips erupted into an over-joyed smiled.

"Are you going to disappear like your mom did?" Tegan's arms reflexively encased her and she squeezed her tighter.

"I hope not. And she may be back. It's just there are rules and she was about to break one."

Tegan shook her head. "Rules?"

Cassie nodded. "I can't elaborate, not if you want me to stay for a while."

"And I do want that." She squeezed a final time.

"So do you miss me?" Cassie asked when Tegan finally let her out of the death hug she had her in.

"What do you think?"

"I think you're too busy learning your way around that big starship to miss me."

"I wish." She sat down under the tree and patted the ground beside her. "I miss you the most." She watched her blush softly before she changed the subject. "Have you seen her? Voyager? She's a beauty."

Cassie watched her as her face lit up. "You and Sam are so much alike when it comes to bikes, and ships, and planes."

"I do miss you Cass." It was the first time in a long time she remembered not feeling a certain pang in her chest. "Every day."

"I know you do and I wish you wouldn't. I want you to be happy." She paused for a minute. "After mom left I kept holding on to that thin thread of hope that one day you'd come walking back into my life."

"I'm so sorry Cass."

"Don't be. It's not like you ran away." She grinned.

"No," she sighed and looked at the sky. "I wasn't running."

"But you are now."

Tegan scrambled to her feet when she heard the old woman's voice. "Nana! You came."

"I'll always be here for you when you need me. You know that." The older woman smiled softly at her.

* * *

Janeway stood up sitting her book aside and stepped up beside Tegan. She wanted to take her hand but the doctor had immobilized her arm against her chest to help with the healing process. She let her eyes run over the IV tubing that was delivering nutrients to her. After much internal debate she reached up and brushed red bangs off Tegan's forehead. "I wish you would wake up."

Tegan's hand jerked and an alarm started sounding from the monitor console. "Doctor?"

"Her heart rate and blood pressure are rising. She's feeling pain." He pursed his lips together. "It's a good thing."

The alarm beeping in her ears was faint at first but she heard it getting louder. She groaned softly.

"Tegan?"

"Kath…" She closed her mouth a small grin pulling at her lips. "Captain."

"I'm here."

"Me too." She opened her eyes for a second but closed them quickly.

"Doctor, can you lower the lights?"

"Certainly Captain." He adjusted them from the console he was standing over.

Tegan opened her eyes again and blinked several times. "Tuvok?"

"He's fine. He's back on duty."

"And you?"

"I'm fine." She looked at the doctor as he stepped up.

"How long was I out?"

"Four days, give or take several hours." The doctor ran the tricorder over her as Tegan tried unsuccessfully to sit up. He waited until she caught her breath before speaking again. "You might want to take it easy. I repaired as much as I could considering your unique physiology."

"Yeah," She moaned. "Thanks for the warning."

"I can give you something for pain." He lifted a hypospray into her line of vision.

"No."

"Why did I know you were going to say that?" He looked at Janeway. "She really needs to rest."

"I've been sleeping for four days."

"You were in a coma." He corrected her.

"Exactly, that's even better than sleep." She grinned at Kathryn.

"He's right you need to rest." She backed up a few steps. "But I'll be right here."

* * *

"How are you feeling?" Janeway walked into sickbay to see Tegan was awake and semi reclining in a biobed.

"Fine." She shot daggers at the EMH. "Doc won't let me go to my quarters though."

"You've been unconscious for four days and you've still got a lot of healing to do." He responded calmly.

"You look tired." Tegan ignored him. "You should sleep in your quarters tonight, the accommodations for visitors here suck."

She did her best not to show her amusement at the cutting remark knowing Tegan had only added 'for visitors' for her benefit. "Did you eat lunch?"

"No she didn't." The doctor grumbled.

"Because someone," she looked at the man being held together by force fields, "wouldn't let me put on my prosthetic or take off this stupid sling and swath."

"I offered to feed you." He watched her glower deepen.

"What do you want to eat?" Kathryn asked before she could come up with a cutting remark to throw at the doctor.

"Nothing, I'm not hungry."

"Nothing isn't an option." She debated pulling rank but it wasn't something she wanted to do. _Going soft Katie?_

Tegan closed her eyes for several seconds before opening them to see Kathryn standing there ardently waiting for her response. "Belgium waffles with pecans, maple syrup, bacon and milk."

"You aren't going to get sick on me, are you?" She asked remembering the chocolate cake incident.

"I certainly hope not." She looked at the holo-doctor. "Do you mind putting my arm back on? Please."

"My you've grown politer since lunchtime." He observed as Janeway gave him a curious look before heading to the replicator. "I already told you that you need to refrain from wearing it for another week."

"How am I supposed to eat?"

"I will feed you." He rolled his photonic eyes at her. "Do you not remember we had this same conversation earlier today?"

"I remember that I disliked it as much then as I do now." She growled using the pain in her chest to fuel the sound.

"I will feed you." Kathryn put the tray on a table and wheeled it over to the biobed.

"Great, so my captain gets to see me as weak."

"One, your captain has never seen anyone as strong as you or as hardheaded." She added the last for good measure. "Two, how about I just be your girlfriend during dinner?"

"My girlfriend?" She studied her face while she cut up her waffles.

"You two are dating." The doctor reminded.

"I didn't lose my memory, Doctor." Tegan didn't move her eyes from Kathryn. "So if I don't want to eat?"

"You really don't want to go there, do you?" She held up a bite of waffle and when Tegan shook her head no she smiled and fed it to her.


	20. Chapter 20

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 20

She was tired of being cramped up in the infirmary. "You've done all you can do doctor, now let me go."

"You can hardly stand." He was tired of her inability to be a halfway decent patient and was certain any other doctor would have lost his or her sanity by now.

She grinned tautly at the challenge as she slid to the edge of the bed letting gravity pull her the rest of the way off it; the motion jarred her collar bone and sent sharp pain through it. She swallowed the pain inhaling its essence even as fire tore through the muscle and flesh in her knee and legs. It crackled like a live wire along the sides of her chest where muscle fibers and bone were still trying to heal. She smiled, her lips and face paler then they had been moments ago.

"Come in." Tegan looked up as the doors to her quarters slid open. "Captain."

"I heard you were discharged."

Tegan nodded. She was dressed in a pair of dark grey sweat pants and heather gray t shirt with the USAF insignia on it.

"I also heard it was against his better judgment."

"I'd shrug but he advised me against it." Tegan offered a non-apologetic grin.

"Why don't you stay in my quarters until you're better?"

"What would people say?" She shook her head already having been given the memo Janeway had sent out announcing their relationship.

"Please?" Kathryn raised a pleading eyebrow.

"I don't need to be coddled." Tegan stood her ground.

"I'm not trying to coddle you. I'm your girlfriend. I want to help you. It's what people do for the people they care about."

"At least you're not playing the captain card."

"It's the next step," she warned. "And I know the captain well enough to know she'll order you back to sickbay."

"I can take care of myself."

"You can barely feed yourself." Kathryn's brow furrowed in thought. "How'd you get from sickbay to here anyway?"

"One step at a time."

"Tegan—"

"Fine." She didn't want to hear her beg or worse yet pull Janeway out of the bag. That was one card she preferred stayed up her sleeve. "But I'm sleeping on the couch."

"Hardly. I will sleep on the couch or the chaise, you need a comfortable place to rest."

"You are the captain, your sleep takes priority."

"We'll argue about it later." She touched her com badge and called for a site to site transport to her quarters.

"Don't say it." Tegan spoke as soon as she settled on the couch.

"What?"

"Whatever it was you were going to say." _That you feel sorry for me or worse yet that you are sorry. You are the captain and you can't say those things._ "Don't say it."

"Can I get you something to eat?" _I don't know why I even bother to ask, I should just replicate something and guilt you into eating it._

"No." Tegan laid her head back and Kathryn watched as a grimace was chased off her face by a small fleeting grin.

"How about some grape juice?"

"I'm not thirsty either." _See why I didn't want to stay with you? _She left it unsaid. So much was going unsaid. "I ate lunch."

"And you'll eat dinner." It wasn't a question and Kathryn made sure she knew it.

"We'll see."

"Are you trying to make me kick you out like the doctor did?"

Tegan smiled softly at the thought.

"Because it isn't going to work."

"You can't blame me for trying." Tegan cracked her lids and looked at Kathryn who was standing there with her arms folded in front of her. "Would you stop?"

"What?" She grinned crookedly.

"You're staring at me." _And I don't like it._

"I couldn't help it." She lifted a brow. "Are you mad at me because I helped them?"

Tegan pressed her lips into a thin line for a minute before speaking. "No you did the right thing."

"That isn't what I asked."

"I'm not mad at you. I'd like to say I'm not mad at Jurroth for what he did, but then I'd be lying."

"I'm—"

"Don't say it." Tegan stopped her again. "Please let me go back to my quarters Kathryn."

"Why won't you let me help you?"

_Because I love you and I don't want you to see me like this. _"I need some time alone. And I can't impose on you."

"You're not imposing."

"We've had what four dates?" Tegan asked trying to sound like it was no big deal. "Besides, like I already said you need to sleep in your own bed."

_Is it too soon to tell you 'I love you'? _"Fine, I'll transport you back after dinner."

"You drive a hard bargain."

"Yeah." Kathryn turned away and hoped her voice sounded stronger than she felt at the moment. "Coffee, black hot."

When she sat down on the couch Tegan moved her biomechanical hand to touch her but she was sitting too far away.

Kathryn looked down at the prosthetic. "How'd you talk him into letting you wear it?"

"I promised I'd remove it when I got to my quarters." She grinned slyly before moving her hand again to pull the Velcro on her swath free.

"I don't think you're supposed to do that."

"It's fine." Tegan moved closer to Kathryn ignoring her knee as it protested the movement. "Please don't be upset with me."

Kathryn looked into the swirling green eyes that were so full of emotion. She leaned forward and kissed her lips gently as she slipped her thumb into the reader pulling the biomechanical arm free. She pulled back and grinned as she slipped the swath back in place immobilizing Tegan's right arm once again. "I'm not upset that you want to go back to your quarters. I understand needing some time to yourself to process everything. I hope you know that I'm here if you need me, anytime day or night. However if you want to stay on my good side and the captain's then you'd better follow the doctor's instructions."

"Yes ma'am." Tegan lowered her eyes. _Why did I have to fall for the captain?_


	21. Chapter 21

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 21

"Hey Flash." B'Elanna walked up behind her in the mess hall. She was still wearing the sling but she'd managed to get rid of the swath that had bound her arm to her chest. "How are you feeling?"

"Great."

"I thought 'fine' was your blanket statement." B'Elanna didn't believe she felt fine, so great was out of the realm of possibility.

"I'm back at work." Tegan skirted around the topic as she leaned against her cane.

"Really?"

"Limited duty, half days in the bio lab, it sucks." After five days of pleading the doctor had finally relented. She growled as Neelix took her tray to an empty table. "I wish he would stop treating me like some kind of…"

"Hero?" B'Elanna filled in the blank. "You are. The captain put a letter of commendation in your file. You didn't have to volunteer."

"I was going to say cripple. And yes I did." Tegan turned her complete attention to B'Elanna after Neelix had gone back to the galley. "Neelix was about to step forward. He had pushed Naomi behind another crewman and he was going to open his big mouth. I couldn't let anything happen to him or Naomi's mom. It would crush her."

"So if he had stuck with me?"

"You're half Klingon, B'Elanna, you could have handled it."

She couldn't tell her that she couldn't even handle the memories of what she had seen him do to her. That every time she closed her eyes those images played in her mind and several times she found herself in the bathroom puking. "Yeah, I don't think so."

"It wasn't that bad." She lied and suddenly wished she had just returned to her quarters instead of going to the mess hall for lunch.

"How can you say that?" B'Elanna didn't even give her a chance to respond as her anger took over. "How can you even stand to be around Janeway after she let them go?"

_I love her._

"She gave them better than they deserved after what they did." B'Elanna growled.

"They never deserved to be treated the way they were B'Elanna. You heard the stories the prisoners told." Tegan had heard many of them second hand, some even third hand through Kathryn. She pushed her tray back no longer interested in eating.

"It still doesn't give them the right to do that to you."

"You're right, it doesn't." She stood putting more weight on her recovering knee than she should and sucking in the exquisite pain that shot through it. Her eyes closed as they rolled back in her head. _Delicious. _ She looked back at B'Elanna. "But Janeway gave her word and I would have done the same."

"You're crazy, both of you."

* * *

Janeway keyed her way into Tegan's quarters to find her sitting on the bed with the lights off. As soon as the doors closed behind her she was plunged into darkness. Instead of asking why she didn't answer the chime she asked; "What are you doing?"

"Sitting in the dark." The answer seemed obvious to her.

"I can see that."

"Can you? Because I can't see anything." Tegan sighed. "Computer lights to one quarter."

"Why are you sitting alone in the dark?"

"I'm not, not anymore."

"Why were you?" Kathryn hated playing the 'phrase the question correctly' game. She usually didn't have to play it when they weren't officially on duty.

"I don't know." She shrugged with her brow and mouth. "I guess it was easier to be alone with my thoughts in the dark."

"Are you in pain?"

Her eyes closed and she leaned her head back against the bulkhead. "A little."

"Only a little?"

"It's not bad." _It isn't?_ She opened her eyes and looked at Kathryn.

"Am I intruding?"

_Yes. There was a reason I didn't answer the door._

"You said you were sitting in the dark to be alone with your thoughts. Do you want to be alone?"

"I do." She blinked. "I did, but you're here now."

_What's that supposed to mean? _Kathryn shifted from foot to foot."Should I stay or should I go?"

"Isn't that a song? 'so come on and let me know, should I stay or should I go?'" She sang the lyric briefly. "Well it looks like I can still sing."

"Yes it does." She forced a small grin. "I'll go."

Tegan watched her turn to leave. "Please don't."

Kathryn turned to see her scooting over on the bed. "You're still in your uniform, can I help you change?"

"I've got a t shirt and shorts folded up in the floor of my closet." She watched her move to the closet. "It's not going to be easy."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You can't hurt me." Tegan grinned. "I'll walk you through it."

Kathryn nodded as she returned with the items of clothing.

"My pants will be the easiest and since you're here to help I think lying down will be the best way."

Kathryn helped her lay back and carefully pulled the polyester blend pants down her legs pausing to look at the still healing scars and her swollen knee. As she pulled the shorts up she stopped and ran her thumb over the larger of the scars where she had been stabbed.

"The doctor thinks he can get rid of the scarring later with the dermal regenerator, not that I mind a few battle scars. Most of my other scars were healed when I was put in a Goa'uld sarcophagus, otherwise you'd be pretty freaked out by the scars on my chest and back. What I've got now is nothing in comparison."

Kathryn took a deep breath. Her blue eyes searched Tegan's for a long minute. "I don't care what you look like."

"I know." A self-depreciating laugh rumbled across her vocal cords. "It's my inner beauty that you fell for."

Kathryn helped her sit up as Tegan rolled her eyes. "I'm not saying you aren't gorgeous, I wonder everyday how this old hag got someone as hot as you, but it's not the main reason I like you." _Love her, why don't you just tell her that you love her?_

Tegan slid to the edge of the bed with assistance from Kathryn. She offed a genuine smile. "You're far from being an old hag. And I'm not dating you just because you're the captain either."

"So you are dating me because of my rank?" Kathryn raised an eyebrow as she unzipped Tegan's uniform jacket.

"Not at all, in fact it's more like I am dating you regardless of you being the captain. Here comes the fun part." Tegan inhaled carefully and supported her arm with her biomechanical one. "If you can slip the sling over my head."

Kathryn carefully slipped the sling off. As she was helping Tegan out of her grey uniform shirt Tegan groaned and abruptly gasped. "Sorry."

"You didn't do anything." Tegan assured her.

Kathryn picked up the navy blue t-shirt with the US Air Force insignia on it. She looked at it for several seconds before helping Tegan put the garment on. It was easier than staring at the still raw scars adorning her chest.

"I know." Tegan sighed. "I need to let go of the past."

"I didn't say that." Kathryn pulled the hem of it down to her hips before Tegan slid back. "Don't you need to put the sling back on?"

"No not if I'm laying down." Tegan made room for Kathryn to join her before she continued. "I just, I miss it. You know?"

Kathryn nodded. In her own way she understood. "You lost more than anyone on this crew has. Most of us still have friends and family to return to. It can't be easy."

"I haven't really thought about it much. I mean, if I do it's just overwhelming." Tegan looked at the empty space on the bed. "Join me, please."

Kathryn gave her a crooked grin before cautiously lying down beside her.

"You really aren't going to hurt me."

"I don't believe you." She reached up and ran her fingers through Tegan's hair relishing the contact that they both so desperately needed.

Tegan wrapped mechanical fingers around Kathryn's wrist and brought her hand down to meet hers. She carefully intertwined their fingers. "I need to feel you."

Kathryn propped herself up on her other arm and leaned in lightly placing her lips against Tegan's who sucked her lower lip softly between her teeth. Kathryn parted her lips and slipped her tongue inside the velvety wetness tangling it with Tegan's she quietly moaned into the other woman's mouth as her lips curved upward. When she pulled back it was to see amusement dancing in the enchanting green pools of Tegan's eyes. "What?"

"Do that again." A contagious smile pulled at her lips.


	22. Chapter 22

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 22

Tegan sat on a stool in the lab staring at part of a dark purple leafy plant that an away team had brought back. Occasionally, without conscious thought, she would pull her shoulder back or put weight on her knee until tears would sting the backs of her eyes, like a man-o-war attacking its prey. She sighed and straightened her back cautiously when her combadge chirped. "Sickbay to Dr. Kiser."

"Go ahead Doctor."

"It's forty-five minutes past time for you to be off duty." He needlessly informed her.

"I'm on my way out now." She assured him as she went back to studying the plant. She wondered briefly why it was so easy to lie to the holoman about things that really didn't matter. It wasn't because she didn't think he had real feelings. His annoyances and expressions seemed far deeper than just programmed responses to certain words or phrases, and the way he looked at Seven sometimes. She should try to be more truthful with him.

The next time she pulled back was when the doors to the biolab parted with a quiet whoosh to admit Captain Janeway. She knew without looking up who it was and she would bet a month's worth of replicator rations she was sporting a scowl.

Janeway waited until Tegan made eye contact before she spoke. "You told the doctor almost an hour ago you were on your way out."

She should have made that bet, she would have won. _Has it been that long? Maybe I shouldn't lie to him if he's going to run to the captain about everything._ Of course the whole point of her most recent lie was subterfuge which was supposed to buy her more time. "I—uh—was." She watched as Janeway perched her hands on her hips. She reached up with her biomechanical hand and flipped the microscope off. "I don't see why I can't return to my normal duties."

"Because the doctor hasn't released you." Janeway dropped her right hand to her side as Tegan slid off the stool and used her cane to stand. _I could point out several other reasons, but I won't. _She knew she was still in pain even if she wouldn't admit it. "Look, I know you're bored."

"It's not that." Tegan shook her head, although they both knew it was a large part of it. "I'm going to the pool to see if I can loosen my shoulder up some, I'll see you at dinner."

She didn't wait to be dismissed; instead she hobbled past the captain and headed down to the poolroom. She was slowly getting used to the idea of a pool on starship, and she did enjoy swimming. It was great exercise and currently the water helped her to perform her own physical therapy on her healing joints without further damaging them. It also gave her some resistance to work against as opposed to working out in a zero-gravity environment.

Kathryn watched Tegan lean heavily on her cane as she came into the mess hall, each step taking its toll. To look at her face one would never be able to guess the amount of pain she was really in. Not even Kathryn knew how bad it was because she wouldn't tell her. _I wish you would just let me in. _She strode to Tegan's side. "We could have met in my quarters."

Tegan smiled and nodded to one of the crewmen that stared intently at her as he moved past. She hated that, the way they all looked at her. It was always with some sort of awe, hero worship shinning in their eyes or apology for what she had gone through to save them. Samantha Wildman and Neelix were the worst for the apologetic looks. "I'm fine."

She took a deep breath and decided to let it go. It wasn't worth the wasted energy to argue about it. "What do you want to eat?"

"I can get it." Tegan moved to the counter and looked over the entrees. She felt Kathryn put her hand on her lower back and spoke under her breath to her. "If Jurroth were here right now I'd air lock that sorry son of a…"

"What can I get for you ladies?" Neelix smiled anxiously at Tegan.

"I think we're going to dine in the Captain's quarters tonight Neelix." Janeway spoke politely. "I feel like something light and I could use the company."

"Suit yourself Captain, but I've got Andorian casserole."

Tegan tried not to make a face. Andorian casserole tasted like someone stepped in Targ crap and scrapped it off the bottom of their shoe right onto your plate, or at least that was how B'Elanna had explained it to her after she had watched Tegan take a huge bite of it.

"You 'feel like something light'?" Tegan asked once they made it to the captain's quarters. She had been asked three times on the short trek there if she wanted a site to site transport. She refused each time.

Kathryn helped her to the couch. "I thought you looked a little green."

"I don't." Tegan stopped short.

"You don't what?" She knew exactly what she was going to say, or close enough. She wanted to actually hear her say, though. "You don't want my help or you don't need it?" She crossed her arms over her chest. "Which is it?"

"I don't want to argue with you." Tegan sighed.

"Good." She uncrossed her arms and joined Tegan on the couch. "Is it so bad to accept a little help?"

"Yes." Tegan gritted her teeth and looked away. "I'm tired of appearing weak."

"You don't appear weak." She wanted to reach out and touch her, to pull her into her arms but she didn't want to hurt her. "You were tortured, beaten pretty much within an inch of your life all while you were still conscious."

"You're fine. Tuvok is fine."

"We weren't beaten. We didn't have bones broken and—" She couldn't go there. She couldn't start listing the injuries Tegan sustained because she couldn't give up the information Jurroth wanted.

Tegan leaned slowly until her shoulder touched Kathryn's. "It's not your fault. You did what you had to do."

Kathryn laughed wryly. "It's ironic, here I am trying to help you feel better and ultimately it's you who end up helping me."


	23. Chapter 23

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 23

"Dr. Kiser."

"Tuvok." She stopped walking and turned to face him. She had been avoiding him since returning to duty. If she was honest with herself she had been avoiding him since waking up from her coma. She would have been content to continue to not have to interact with him for the rest of her life but that was a rather hard thing to do on Voyager.

It wasn't that she didn't like Tuvok, she found him quite interesting and complex. It was his intuition that bothered her. She was certain of all those aboard Voyager, he would be the one to see past her façade and realize that everything wasn't alright. Her rational side knew she should seek help, but she was never rational when it came to herself.

"I have been meaning to talk to you for some time." He held his arm out for her to continue walking and fell into step with her.

"Yes, I…" She was going to lie to him and tell him she had been meaning to do the same but she hadn't. She had been hiding from him in every possible way. The only reason he had found her now was she was leaving sick bay at the end of her shift. "I'm sorry Tuvok."

"I do not understand." He stopped walking. "What is it you feel you must apologize for?"

"That I put you through that." She didn't know how else to put it.

"Your guilt is illogical. You did not cause that to happen to me. In fact I was the first one chosen."

"But if I hadn't fought back."

"The outcome would have been the same." He reached out and did something he very rarely did, he touched her forearm lightly. "I wanted to thank you."

"Thank me?" She almost scoffed. "Whatever for?"

"For saving me." He pulled his hand back.

"But I didn't save you."

"By not dying, you saved me. You endured more than I would have thought was possible for a human." He paused not sure how to broach the next subject with her, in the end he decided to let it go. "Please, if you need to talk, know that I am available."

Tegan nodded her head. "Thank you Tuvok."

* * *

She had gone into the galley to find it empty. Neelix had promised to let her fix dessert in peace that night before dinner service started up. She was glad to find he had cleared out of the mess hall altogether. She was almost done, when he came in, all she had left to do was cut the pies.

"Oh there you are." He smiled as he walked into the kitchen. "I've wanted to talk to you, but we never seem to get a chance when other people aren't around."

She looked up at him as she started slicing into the key lime like pies she had made using a tart fruit they had found on a planet recently.

"I wanted to ask why you did that?"

"Why I did what?" She finished with the last pie and started cleaning the knife.

"Why you volunteered?" He shuffled his feet without advancing.

"No reason." She lied. "I figured it might be an adventure and I love adventures."

"You knew I was going to volunteer."

She pressed her thumb into the sharp tip of the knife until it breached the skin. "I'm not a mind reader Neelix."

"You saw me."

Her eyes fluttered shut as she pressed harder still. She opened them and looked at him. She didn't like lying, but right now the truth was harsher than the lie. "No, I didn't."

She dropped the knife and it clattered on the floor stopping him from arguing the point.

"You're bleeding."

"I cut myself." It was the blunt and basic truth.

"You should go take care of it, I'll clean up." He bent to pick up the knife as she maneuvered by him.

She currently hated dermal regenerators and all the other technology that fixed everything. She especially hated the EMH right now, who was nosier than any human she had ever encountered. Despite her protestations he had wandered over and was peering over her shoulder. "You're bleeding."

"Thank you Dr. State-the-obvious." She grumbled.

"Let me do that." He reached for the dermal regenerator but she turned away from him. "What did you do anyway?"

"I cut myself in the galley." She muttered.

"That doesn't sound like you."

"It was an accident." She shrugged. _It's not like I intentionally did it, right? _

"Like I said, that doesn't sound like you." The doctor groused.

"Accidents happen." She closed her eyes and took a deep cleansing breath rather than flash her eyes at him. Of course that was exactly what she was doing under the cover of thin flesh lids, just as she had done after Tuvok had found her in the hall the day before and when the knife had punctured her thumb. She felt a hand void of warmth clamp onto her shoulder and she twisted her head to its owner, snapping her eyes open.

"I'm sorry did I hurt you?" The doctor lifted his hand and stepped back. "I thought your shoulder was better."

"You didn't hurt me. It is better." She laid the dermal regenerator aside as the holodoctor picked up his medical tricorder. "You startled me. That's all."

"Hmmm?" His lips flattened.

She stepped around him.

"I would like to check you over." He protested her leaving.

"I'm fine." She grinned without pausing in her progression toward the exit. "It was just a minor cut."

* * *

Tom stepped onto holodeck two. "Computer run program, what the…"

"Program not found." The computer informed him as he ran up to the lithe redhead who was jerking uncontrollably on the floor of the holodeck.

"Tegan?" When he received no response he tapped his badge. "Doctor I need you on holodeck two, now. Tegan's seizing."

"I can't transfer the hyposprays I need to treat her. I'll transport you both to sickbay." His fingers danced across the console's screen before a shimmering light deposited the still seizing Tegan and Tom in the center of the room. He walked over and looked down at her for several seconds before running the tricorder over her. "Just as I suspected, her potassium is low."

"Are you going to do something for her Doc?" Tom asked even as the EMH stepped away and picked up a hypospray and a vial with a bright yellow liquid in it.

"I suppose I should." He stated calmly as he knelt down and pressed the injector to her neck before he pushed the button to deliver the appropriate dosage. It was a mixture of potassium and an anticonvulsant that he had been working on. He hoped he had finally gotten the right proportions so the potassium wouldn't damage the skin at the injection site. He straightened up and waited the minute it took for her body to tense one last time before relaxing. "I need you to help me move her to the bed."

It was an hour later when Tegan gasped lightly and opened her eyes. The doctor turned and stepped up to the edge of the biobed. "How did I… nevermind."

"How did you end up here?" The doctor wasn't going to let her off so easy. "You had a seizure on the holodeck." He let his eyes rove her body as he examined her apparel of shorts, a tank top and tennis shoes. The ball chain around her neck did not go unobserved but he knew it was almost as much a part of her as her biomechanical arm. "What were you doing on the holodeck? You were covered in sweat when I beamed you and Tom here."

Tegan closed her eyes for a second. "I was rock climbing."

"You haven't been taking your potassium and then you go rock climbing." He shook his head. "And here I thought you were smarter than that."

She sighed. "I guess you checked my replicator record?"

"If I told you I hadn't, would you try and tell me you have been taking it?" He watched her sit up and toss her legs over the edge of the bed.

"What good would lying to you about it do?" She offered no excuses or apologies.

"Exactly, and I haven't told you that you can go yet."

"I'm fine doctor. I had a seizure which you treated and I'm good to go." She smiled.

"Hardly." He shook his head. "What am I going to do with you? You need to take your potassium supplements every morning."

"I will." She promised, if only to get him to let her go.

"I'm going to start monitoring them again," he warned.

"I understand."

"I will go to Captain Janeway if this becomes an issue."

"It won't. Now can I go?"

He had barely finished nodding before she was out the door.


	24. Chapter 24

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 24

Tegan walked into Kathryn's quarters when the doors slid open. She was dressed in a pair of navy sweat pants and another heather gray t-shirt, this one with a small USAF insignia over the left breast. She held her hands behind her back half expecting Kathryn to give her a decent tongue lashing.

"Hello." Katheryn's voice was low with a hint of amusement. She gave her a twisted smirk and patted the couch.

"Hey." Tegan responded shyly and slipped her running shoes off, leaving them at the door, before she joined her.

"How was your day?"

"Fine."

"Are you sure?"

If it weren't for the upturned corners of Kathryn's lips Tegan would have been certain the doctor had spoken with her and she was trying to get her to confess her sins. "Yeah."

"You don't sound convincing." Kathryn reached up and ran her fingers through the fringe hanging down on the back of Tegan's neck.

"I'm just tired." Tegan leaned into her adjusting her longer body into the space under Kathryn's arm extending it along her body. "How was your day?"

"Oh you know, typical day in the life of a captain." She hummed softly as Tegan flattened her hand over her abdomen.

"Nothing exciting then?" Tegan snuggled her head on Kathryn's shoulder.

"No."

Tegan dropped her voice a few octaves. "We could change that."

"No." Kathryn pressed her lips firmly to the top of Tegan's head.

"No?"

"No." She chuckled dryly. "You're tired."

"I'm not that tired." Tegan tilted her head up and captured her lips kissing her deeply as if her point could be conveyed through it.

Kathryn smiled lazily. "I'm happy just being with you."

Tegan rested her head back on her shoulder. "Is that your way of saying our relationship isn't just about the sex?"

She laughed, "I guess it is."

"But the sex is good, right?" Tegan unzipped Kathryn's jacket and slid her hand inside. "I mean, I personally think it's great."

"The sex is pretty mind blowing." She placed another kiss on Tegan's head.

"But that's not all a relationship should be based on."

"Exactly."

"Do you like dogs?"

"Do I like dogs?" She paused for a second. "No, I love dogs."

"Cats?"

"I like cats. You?"

"I like cats, some more than others. They have attitude. I really like dogs, but again some more than others. Some dogs are just dumb and some are too prissy."

"Mollie was my most recent dog."

"Please tell me she wasn't a Pomeranian." Tegan groaned even though she had seen pictures of the beautiful chestnut colored dog.

"No, she was an Irish Setter, a rescue actually. I saw her in a pound on Taurus Ceti IV and boy did she have spunk. She was the tiniest in the litter, a runt. I fell in love with her immediately." _Just like you. _Kathryn stroked her fingers through her hair repeatedly as she spoke. "We had this dog when we were kids…"

Tegan couldn't have been more content as she drifted off to sleep listening to the gravelly alto monologue.

When she awoke a few hours later she was alone on the couch with a soft gray blanket thrown over her and a pillow cradling her head. She stood up and folded the blanket placing it and the pillow on one end of the couch before she walked over to the bedroom entrance to look in on Kathryn before she left. When she stepped into the doorway she immediately noticed the bed was empty. She checked the bathroom before speaking. "Computer locate Captain Janeway."

"Captain Janeway is in her ready room."

When Kathryn returned to her quarters she searched for Tegan and came up empty. "Computer locate Dr. Kiser."

"Dr. Kiser is on holodeck one."

Kathryn sighed and picked up her book but she couldn't concentrate on reading and gave up in favor of wandering the halls to check on the status of Voyager.

She was waiting for the turbolift on deck six when the doors opened to reveal Captain Janeway leaning casually against the back of the rounded wall. She started to stand straight until she saw it was Tegan. Kathryn watched her step into the lift. "Up or down?"

"Down. I need to get a shower and straighten up my quarters."

"Level nine." She sighed to computer. She knew Tegan was a perfectionist and it was doubtful there was anything out of place in her living space. She let her eyes wander over her noting that while she didn't smell, she was covered in sweat and could use a shower. Her eyes stopped when she saw the way Tegan was holding her arm against her abdomen. She lifted her eyes to Tegan's and then dropped them back to her arm.

"It's nothing." Tegan answered the unspoken question even as Kathryn stepped toward her. She moved away, her back flattening against the lift's padded wall.

"Tegan." Her voice fluctuated on the word as her eyes locked with hers.

"It's a small cut." She watched her gaze fall as she felt thin fingers grasp her wrist to urge her to show her. She twisted her wrist free without any resistance and held it up for her to see.

"A small cut?" Kathryn frowned at the laceration that ran the length of Tegan's forearm. She glanced at the blood that had soaked into her shirt and then up at Tegan.

"It's not very deep."

"What happened?" Her nostrils flared as she inhaled. She was certain she had been injured on the holodeck which almost always meant one thing.

"I was playing Velocity against 'holo-Tim the ten man' and after I shot the disc my feet stopped but my body didn't. I think I threw my arm out to try and catch myself." She held her arm up to demonstrate. "It connected with one of the supports."

"Did you win?" Holo-Tim was the most aggressive holo velocity player they had in the system.

"Did I win? Of course I won. I beat you the last time we played didn't I?"

"Sheer luck." Kathryn mumbled as the doors to the lift opened.

Tegan pushed off the wall. "This is my stop."

"Why not report to sickbay?" She followed her off.

"I went to medical school. I can treat it just as easily as the doctor can."

"May I?" Kathryn asked when they reached her quarters.

"Certainly." Tegan entered before her and went immediately for her medical bag.

Kathryn looked around at the immaculate space before glancing over at Tegan who had twisted her arm awkwardly to try and get to the wound. She stepped up and slipped the dermal regenerator from her fingers. "Here, let me."

When she was done healing as much of the wound as Tegan's physiology would allow, Tegan encircled her fingers around Kathryn's wrist and pulled it gently down to her side as she leaned in and pressed their lips together. Kathryn parted her lips. She dropped the forgotten medical instrument on the floor when their tongues met in a frenzied dance.

Tegan slid the zipper to Kathryn's tunic down and pushed it off her shoulders. She pulled back and panted in her ear; "tell me to stop."

Kathryn brought her hand up and clutched the back of Tegan's neck as she kissed her again.

When they parted again, Tegan had pulled the hem of her gray shirt free and was working it up her torso. "I'll take that as a no."

Kathryn yanked at her cotton shirt tearing it as she jerked it off. She reached around and unhooked the clasp of Tegan's bra freeing her breasts quickly. Without waiting for her to make another move Kathryn finished stripping her own clothing before she slid Tegan's sweat pants and underwear to pool at her feet, leaving her in only her socks and dog tags.

"Hey." Tegan took her chin in her hand. "Slow down, we've got plenty of time."


	25. Chapter 25

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 25

For the past week Tegan had been actively avoiding Tuvok. She had walked into the mess hall that very evening and as she scanned the occupants he had lifted his hand to draw her attention. She paused for a tenth of a second and hoped he didn't notice before she turned and walked out heading for the holodeck. She had at least an hour free while Kathryn and Chakotay enjoyed dinner in the captain's quarters. She wasn't sure if she was jealous of the man, or thankful that for one night most weeks she could skip dinner if she wanted without Kathryn breathing down her neck. Despite everything else she had been doing wrong, she had been eating, sometimes as many as three squares a day. She had even eaten a decent lunch and figured skipping dinner was no big deal.

"Computer run program Tegan alpha one zero gamma two." She stripped down into her black bikini and walked over to where her surf board and blue and green rash guard waited for her. She pulled the shirt on and watched the waves roll in as the sun beat down on her from clear skies. After a few minutes she entered the water and paddled her board out past the breaking waves.

She sat on her board bobbing up and down on the water as she looked for the perfect wave. "Computer increase wave size and frequency by ten percent, and disengage safety protocols."

"Warning, disengaging safety protocols presents extreme risk of injury." The computer repeated the same warning Tegan heard every time she turned them off.

"Override."

"Acknowledged. Safety protocols have been disengaged."

She caught the first wave entering through the backdoor and rode the tube pulling out just before it was blown out. The second wave was a close out and crashed down on her rolling her under the surf and raking her across the coral bottom. When she came up her shoulder was stinging. Once she got back out to the lineup she glanced over see her rash guard was ripped and there was watered down blood oozing from it. "Computer increase wave size by five percent."

She was totally stoked as she climbed a 16 foot wall of water and took the drop. This was what it was all about, the rush, the sweet spot. She had found it. Once she made it to the line up again she asked the computer to save the program before she bumped the wave size and frequency up another five percent.

Soon she had the waves rolling in so fast she couldn't get out before she hit the impact zone and she found herself in the soup with more waves crashing down and pushing her under the water. The intensity was churning the water so much her board was pulled back rolling her under. Her entire body was drug along the rough ocean floor. She would come up for a quick breath before the next relentless wave would beat down on her. The coral scraped and punctured her flesh ripping small chunks of it off, and other times small pieces of coral would break off in the wounds. Finally she managed to release her leash sending her board flying upward it caught a wave and slammed down onto her head.

Janeway walked into the mess hall after Chakotay canceled on dinner when the ensign covering swing shift was kept from reporting due to a headache. She quickly spotted her old friend sitting at a table by himself, his half eaten dinner had grown cold. She walked over to him. "How are you this evening Tuvok?"

"I am well." His voice was deeper than usual and he paused between the last two words.

"You don't sound so sure."

"I believe Dr. Kiser is avoiding me."

"None sense." Kathryn rubbed the back of her neck. "What makes you say that?"

"Every time she sees me she disappears."

"Into thin air, just like that?" Kathryn shot him a cocky grin. "I'm sure it's nothing."

"Tonight she came in here and when I tried to get her attention she turned and left."

"Maybe she didn't see you?"

"She looked at me for point-one-three seconds."

"I assume there is a reason you want to speak with her."

"There is." He responded to her query.

"Alright." Kathryn wasn't sure who was better at avoiding answering her questions, the Vulcan or her girlfriend. She slapped her badge with an open palm. "Computer locate Dr. Kiser."

"Dr. Kiser is on holodeck two."

"Did she eat in here tonight?"

"She did not." Tuvok stood and retrieved his tray.

"Feel like taking a walk with me to Holodeck two?"

"If you insist."

She gave him a curious smile as her brow creased. "I do."

"I wasn't trying to off myself. I don't even..." She stopped, she knew that look, the one that dared her to go there.

"What? Go ahead say it." Janet propped her hands on her hips momentarily reminding her of a mad Captain Janeway. "You started it you might as well finish it."

When she initially regained awareness she had been sitting under that tree, the big one, in the middle of a field, in the middle of nowhere. Only she hadn't been alone like she usually was, they were waiting for her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them again it was to find three expectant faces. She couldn't lie. She had known exactly what she was doing. She shook her head. "It's nothing." After a second she hopped to her feet. "Am I dead?"

"Do you have to ask that every time?" Cassie whined.

"Am I?"

"No." The girl moaned as Shadow barked from where he sat at her feet.

"So I'm not dead." She looked at Janet and shrugged. "I was surfing."

"You were being careless." Janet growled. "You're always taking superfluous risks."

"I was having fun."

"You were being careless."

"I say tomato, you say tomatto."

Irene put a placating hand on Janet's forearm as she looked at Tegan. "You should talk to him child." Her grandmother spoke softly.

"Who?"

"We cannot interfere in your life Tegan," was her only answer.

"I know." Tegan sighed.

"We have to go. You have to go."

"But I don't want you to go."

"We will always be here." Cassie pointed to her heart.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself." Janet's brown eyes bore into her.

"I didn't." Tegan insisted and looked down as Shadow nudged her hand with his cold wet nose. She knelt down and buried her face in his fur. "I miss you boy."

"We have to go." Irene got her attention.

Tegan stood up. "I love you Nana, I always will."

"I know, but it's not your time child."

"Janet, I…"

"Go," She stopped her from saying more. "She's waiting for you."

"Cass."

"Go." Cassie grinned. "Live your life."


	26. Chapter 26

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 26

When she opened her eyes Tuvok was standing on one side of her and Janeway on the other. They were both staring down at her expectantly. Her head hurt and the lights in sickbay weren't helping one bit. She squinted at Kathryn. "What happened?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing. Tuvok and I found you unconscious and washed up on the shore of your little holo-program. You've been playing with fire lately." _You were bound to get burned._ "What's going on?" _ Why won't you talk to me?_

Tegan shook her head which only made the drunken seahorses in her stomach start swimming in hysterical circles. She must have swallowed them while she was underwater. She took one measured breath and then another vowing she would not vomit on Janeway again. _I didn't do this._ "It's not what you think."

"You weren't on the holodeck with the safeties turned off?" She crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her piercing blue eyes on her.

Her face flushed under the rebuke of her Captain. As Janeway spoke she could find no traces of Kathryn in her expression or her tone. There wasn't an explanation in the entire galaxy that would excuse what she had done. She knew she might as well own up to it, it wasn't like she didn't already know. That wasn't the entire reason, and it wasn't because she didn't want to make her madder, but because she did not want to lie to her on any level. "Yes ma'am, I was."

"You could have killed yourself." Her eyes softened, at the thought, and her shoulders sagged ever so slightly as she dropped her arms to her side.

Tegan adjusted her body and grimaced as her bruised muscles protested, a small grin tried to slither onto her lips leaving Janeway to wonder if she was covering up the pain. Tuvok knew the answer and filed it away for later. He was determined to talk to her in the next 24 hours. Neither one offered any sympathy and not because they didn't care or because she didn't want it, but because she didn't deserve it.

She had hit the reef pretty hard. She was lucky she didn't drown. She almost laughed at the irony and coughed to cover up the dry chuckle.

"What?" Janeway pressed.

In a theatrical voice Tegan answered; "Dr. Drowns on a holodeck."

"I fail to see the humor in that, you're lucky you didn't." Any and all traces of Kathryn vanished again. "As of now I'm suspending your holodeck privileges until further notice." She didn't care if she caught flack from the crew for taking away their Friday night entertainment. She didn't care if Tegan couldn't remain professional and took it out on her and their relationship. Part of her thought she might while the other part knew Tegan was bigger than that. She decided only time would tell. "Why the hell isn't there a counselor aboard Voyager?"

"I'm fine." Tegan said the only thing she could think of. Her normal response to anything related to how she was, physically or mentally. Everything always remained relative when it came to her.

"You are hardly fine." Her hands moved away from her body and her fingers flared. "If we had a ship's counselor it would be mandatory that you see them."

"Guess I hit the jackpot then." Tegan grinned when Kathryn glared at her.

"If you are done Captain I need to check my patient over." The EMH strolled over with his medical tricorder.

Janeway nodded and she and Tuvok walked out together.

"You are extremely lucky." The doctor pointed out needlessly. "You very easily could have drown. What were you thinking turning the safeties off?"

"I am an accomplished surfer." Tegan folded her arms over her.

"Accomplished at what? Wiping out?" He jutted his chin out and grinned. When she didn't answer he continued prattling on. "You were quite banged up when you arrived. I managed to clean up and treat most of your wounds. Lucky for you I didn't have to dig any holo-corral out of your lacerations, but I'm told by Tuvok and Captain Janeway you had quite a few pieces sticking out of you. I also believe you've suffered a mild to moderate concussion."

"My surfboard hit me in the head." She griped.

"Well I do believe you will live." He looked at the tricorder readouts. "Assuming the captain doesn't kill you for being a complete and total idiot."

She sat up and moved to the edge of the bed. "You know your bedside manner could really use some work Doctor."

"So I've been told." He rolled his eyes.

"Besides, I don't need a lecture from you. I've already gotten the Janeway lecture which I'm sure isn't finished. I certainly don't need you adding to it."

He scratched his head, which if she had thought about it was kind of funny since force fields and light shouldn't itch. "Maybe I was wrong."

"About?"

"Maybe you hit your head harder than I thought." He shook his tricorder and ran the small probe around her head again. His lips pursed to one side of his face. "No, the readings are the same. But you were unconscious for longer than one would expect considering the blow you sustained."

"I'm fine. I'm just tired of all this crap." She growled deep in her chest actually causing the holoman to step back. "Can I go?"

"Sure, but if you…"

"I went to freaking medical school. I know what to watch for with a concussion." She stood up and as the blanket fell the rest of the way off her body she realized she was still in her black bikini, the rash guard had disappeared when she was transported from the holodeck. "Where the hell are my clothes?"

"I will replicate a new uniform for you." He walked away from her hoping she would be in a better mood when he returned.

She took the fresh uniform from him and made a face. "Thank you."

"Sure, don't mention it." He shifted from one foot to the other.

Tegan raised her eyes. "You aren't going to watch me dress."

"No." He agreed with her. "I want to see you tomorrow at 1000 hours."

"I'll be here. That is during my duty shift."

"No. Concussion protocol, you're off duty for the next 24 hours."


	27. Chapter 27

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 27

"Who is it?" Tegan called from inside her quarters when she heard the door chime.

"Tuvok."

"I'm not in at the moment, please leave a message and I'll get back to you."

"Lieutenant Kiser—"

"Oh, so I'm Lieutenant Kiser now." She continued to sit there staring at the gleaming metal blade of the dagger she had brought back from her office in sickbay. The doctor had held on to the two daggers once he had removed them from her legs after she had been tortured. She had picked up the larger of the two after he discharged her and returned to her quarters. She certainly wasn't going to Janeway's quarters. The captain was mad enough at her and she didn't need a lecture from Kathryn too.

"We need to talk." He picked up where she had cut him off.

"I'm not in the mood Tuvok."

"I am coming in."

"I'm naked." She shot back with a grin as she imagined his brow climbing the expanse of his forehead at the thought.

"Then I suggest you get dressed Lieutenant."

"Is that an order Commander?"

"I can make it one."

She spun the dagger on the table top before grabbing the hilt and weighing it in her hand. She felt the sudden urge to bury it deep in her leg as her fingers curled tighter around it. She knew she couldn't do it. Not that she was scared to, she wasn't afraid of the pain and that was what really frightened her.

She got up and walked to her night table, hiding it from view as if she was a teenager hiding a dildo from her parents. She slid the drawer closed and straightened up moving back to the table she spoke, "Come in."

"Thank you." Tuvok stepped through the open hatchway and into her quarters.

"I assume there's a reason you're here." She watched his eyes travel over her, taking inventory.

"I came to talk to you."

"And I suppose you are the ship's shrink now?" _You should be nicer. He's trying to help you. Offer him a seat. _She shook her head, she wasn't in the mood to play hostess.

"Do you wish to hurt yourself?"

_Yes._ She studied him for a long moment, even knowing what the slightest hesitation insinuated, before she answered in the negative. "Of course not."

"Your actions speak to the contrary."

"I was surfing, having fun."

"You turned off the safeties and then—"

"I don't need the lecture." Her voice plunged deep in her chest. The door chimed again. "Who is it?"

"Janeway."

"I'm a little busy at the moment." Tegan watched Tuvok's expression with fascination. She had seen the slightest change in that Vulcan mask. "What? I always talk to the captain like that."

"This isn't a social call." Janeway spoke through the bulkhead.

"No ma'am, I didn't think it was. Come in." She sighed and pasted on a smile. "Join the party. Maybe you two can have a mini-conference and then just give me one lecture regarding my most recent stupidity."

"You are mistaken. I did not come to lecture you." Tuvok offered. "I will leave you, Captain, Doctor."

"Tuvok." Janeway waited until the doors slid shut. "Stupidity is damn right."

"Would you like a seat?" Tegan offered already knowing the answer as she slipped nonchalantly onto the bench against the wall. They were, after all, her quarters.

"No." She paced in front of her and pinched the bridge of her nose.

Tegan wanted to tell her it was a one-time event just to get out of the ensuing dressing-down. She grinned lightly at the thought. _You can't lie to her and not just because she'll know it's a lie._ She picked the wrong time to grin.

"You think this is funny?"

"Not at all." Tegan cleared her throat. "I already said it was stupid. You've taken away my holodeck privileges indefinitely. Do you want to take your pound of flesh too?"

"This isn't something I can take lightly." _You should understand that. _She took a deep breath. "It's a matter of life and death—your life."

"The horse is already dead, but go on and keep beating it." She ran her biomechanical hand along her thigh feeling for the still bruised muscle from being tossed and tumbled into the reef. When she found it she dug her thumb deep into it as if she was trying to pop a small concealed bubble of air.

She watched Tegan for a moment before conceding. "You're right. I already mentioned it and you've technically been reprimanded." She let out a short burst of air as she slipped into the chair across from her. "Damn it Tegan, I care about you too much to let something happen to you because you were arrogant enough to turn the safeties off on the holodeck, and it's not just this one time either."

_So she knows. Why am I not surprised? _She looked across the table at the concerned steel blue eyes which studied her face. She could handle feeling the physical pain but she couldn't handle the emotional storm brewing in those eyes. "Can we not talk about this? I've already gotten the Janeway lecture."

"I don't want to lecture you." She shook her head hoping to change the subject and feeling self-conscious for even bringing it up. "You didn't come by my quarters when the doctor released you."

"You were on the Bridge."

"You have access to my quarters."

Tegan pressed her thumb deeper until she could inhale the pain sharply. _Delicious._ "I do." She blew out. "But just like now, I didn't want you to lecture me."

"So you hid?"

"This isn't exactly hiding." Tegan looked around the room.

"What did the doctor say?"

"He said I would live if you didn't kill me for being such an idiot; or something like that."

Kathryn smiled. "It did cross my mind."

"But?"

_I love you too much to intentionally hurt you. _"Starfleet tends to frown on that kind of thing."

"I suppose this is going on my record?"

Janeway reached out and touched her forearm. She was still thinking of an answer when Tegan spoke again.

"Why did you let him go?"

_Is that what all of this is about? _"I thought you were ok with that?"

"I was."

"Was?" She pulled her hand back breaking the contact. "Past tense?"

"I am." She shook her head. "Forget it. I would have done the same."

"You would have?"

Her mechanical hand balled into a fist at her thigh. _'First do no harm.' _"Yes."

"Would you talk to me?" _Please._

"I am talking to you." Tegan knew what she meant but it was too hard. She wanted to tell her but she didn't even know herself what was happening, even though she had her suspicions.

"No you're not. You're answering questions, there's a difference."

Tegan scrubbed her hand over her face and moved from the bench to stand in front of the viewport. She could feel Kathryn's eyes on her. She turned even though she would rather stare out the window until Kathryn either closed the expanse between them or gave up and left. "I'm ok, really."

"No." Kathryn shook her head. "You might think you are, but you aren't. If you were ok you wouldn't be cutting the safeties off."

Tegan grinned. "I'm an adrenalin junkie, what can I say?"

"If you had turned them off and left the program at its default I'd accept that, but you didn't."

She tried to suck all the oxygen out of the room. "I thought you weren't going to lecture me?"

"I'm not." Kathryn stood up. "You know where to find me if you need me."

"I do need you." Her voice fell on the carpet at her feet where it shattered. The doors to her quarters had already closed after Kathryn's exit. She quickly walked over and pulled out the dagger.


	28. Chapter 28

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 28

"Come in." Kathryn didn't even bother to ask who it was when her door chimed. She looked up surprised to see Tegan entering.

"Good morning, Kathryn." She smiled while holding her hands behind her back and inhaled the aroma of hot coffee that permeated the captain's quarters. "Have you had breakfast?"

"Of champions." She held her mug up as Tegan stepped up to the couch.

"How about a little something to go with that?" Tegan brought her hands in front of her revealing two saucers with large cinnamon buns slathered with white icing and still warm from the replicator lying on them.

"I don't think I could resist if I wanted." She graciously took one and waited for Tegan to sit beside her. "You're not mad at me?"

"Why should I be mad at you?" Tegan took a bite of her bun.

"I took away your holodeck privileges."

"No, I'm pretty sure it was Captain Janeway who did that." She grinned lightly. "And while I would like to be mad at her, I'm afraid she did what she feels is warranted under the circumstances."

"And what do you feel?"

"That you should eat that while it's still warm." She took another bite and chewed it thoroughly as she watched Kathryn do the same. "I think Captain Janeway was well within her rights as captain. I probably would have done the same if I had been in her shoes, and I harbor no ill feelings toward her."

"Really?"

"Really." Tegan leaned forward and kissed Kathryn licking her lower lip. She pulled back and blushed lightly. "Sorry, you had icing…"

Kathryn cut her off with a kiss of her own.

* * *

"You don't look very good." The doctor commented when Tegan came in for her appointment.

"I didn't sleep last night."

"Pain?"

"I wish," She mumbled. She had been up all night staring at the blade of the dagger, twisting it in the air and watching the light glint on its razor sharp edge. "No. I was, uh thinking."

"About anything interesting?"

"No, not really."

"So aside from lack of sleep how are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"Why do I even bother to ask?"

* * *

"Are you ok?" Kathryn put her book in her lap and looked at Tegan who had been reading a medical text without ever turning the pages.

She nodded tentatively and mumbled. "Yeah why?"

"Well, unless you're absorbing the words through osmosis you're just sitting there staring at the page."

Tegan flipped the book shut. She had read the same sentence three times. "It's boring."

Her eyebrow twitched with interest. "Boring?"

Tegan turned her hands palm up and then laid them on top of the book in a shrug.

"I can't help you if you won't talk to me."

She opened her mouth and inhaled while her tongue played over her left upper incisor. _I don't need help._ It wasn't entirely true so she just closed her mouth after a second.

"What?"

"You won't believe me if I say I'm fine." She stood up and stretched. "I'm tired."

"Tired doesn't make you turn the safety protocols off."

Her eyes narrowed and she jutted her jaw to the side quickly. "I thought that…" She turned away from her and raked her fingers through her hair.

"I just want you to talk to me."

"I know," the words came out on a burst of air. She shook her head and faced Kathryn again. "Can you please just trust me to talk to you when I'm ready?"

She nodded. "Will you stay the night?"

Tegan knew it was safer for her to be there than in her quarters alone. "Yeah."

* * *

"Sickbay to the Captain."

She glanced at Chakotay. "Go ahead Doctor."

"Dr. Kiser collapsed and I've been unable to get her to respond. You might want to come down here."

"I'm on my way." She pushed to her feet. "You have the bridge Commander."

"Aye Captain."

"Captain." Tuvok spoke as she came around the railing and up the few steps.

She brought her eyes up to his face and nodded.

The doctor looked up when they walked into sickbay.

"Doctor?"

"She was standing there talking to me one second and on the floor the next." He glanced over at the biobed she was on with a confused look on his face. "I can't find anything wrong on any of her scans. Everything is…normal."

She looked at her security officer. "There was a reason you wanted to come Tuvok."

"Yes Captain."

"What the…" Tegan pushed up off the back of the tree and looked up at the cloudless azure sky.

"We brought you here." Irene spoke causing her to spin around.

"Why?" She looked from the old woman to Janet.

"Because if we bring you it takes longer for the powers to be to know you're here." Janet explained.

"Rules?"

"Something like that," her grandmother grinned.

"So that's where I get it from." The corners of Tegan's mouth curled up. "You do realize you've probably got the doctor wetting his pants right now trying to figure out what happened."

Janet didn't look amused when her grandmother laughed. "I'm sure."

"So, not that I don't love you both, but aren't we on a time limit?"

"Yeah." She looked at Janet. "Go ahead."

"I don't know how much life you have left to live. I won't know until your time is up that it's up, but neither do you." She watched Tegan nod. "I know you love her. She doesn't know. You need to tell her. You need to tell her before it's too late. Don't put it off, tomorrow could be too late."

"Ok." Tegan gave her a confused look. "That's against the rules?"

"It's interfering," Irene answered.

"Ah." Tegan bounced on the balls of her feet.

"Lieutenant Kiser." He hadn't been certain whether to call her lieutenant, doctor, or Tegan. Being in someone's mind was personal, intimate, but he had never really called her by her given name. Although he wasn't sure that was where they were.

She turned her head to him. "How did you here get here?"

"A Vulcan mind meld."

"Without my permission?" She crossed her arms over her chest.

"Yes." He offered no apology. "Captain Janeway approved my request."

"Your request?" She snarled slightly. "It wasn't her idea?"

"No." He stepped nearer and nodded to the women who stood watching the interaction. He had immediately announced his presence so as not to eavesdrop. "She is worried about you, if for different reasons than I am. I know you feel it."

She looked at the others ignoring his last statement. "This is Tuvok he's the ship's head of security." She turned back to Tuvok. "This is my dear friend Janet, and my nana, Irene."

He bowed his head briefly in greeting.

"Have you talked to him?" Her grandmother pressed.

"No." Tegan tried not to sound irritated. "I'm fine."

"Hardly," Janet muttered.

"We have to go." Irene grabbed Tegan's shoulders so tightly it would have hurt if she was in her corporeal form. "I love you. And you probably won't see me again until your time is up."

"Nana?" Her voice whined in her throat as dark black clouds bubbled in the sky above making it look like night as the winds tore at them and howled in their ears. "Please don't leave me."

"Where I am going child you cannot follow." She looked at her, the sorrow in her eyes threatened to devastate her. "It's not your time."

"But—I can't…"

"He's your friend. Trust him as he will trust you. You both need each other to make it through this." She glanced at Tuvok and simply said, "I'm sorry," before turning back to Tegan. "Use your gift, learn to control it."

"My gift?" _Delicious. _ Her brain screamed the word as her body surged in white hot pain that crackled through her entire being.

Tuvok was thrown backwards into Janeway who had been standing behind him watching his connection with Tegan. She caught him and helped him to the floor. "Tuvok?"

"I am—fine." He trembled slightly as the doctor ran the tricorder over him.


	29. Chapter 29

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 29

When she opened her eyes Tuvok was standing at the side of her biobed with Janeway a pace behind him. She mimicked a mind meld in the air. "Did you?"

"I did."

Her eyes drifted to Kathryn. She could feel her concern but not like in the past. This wasn't just a perceived feeling, it was more than that, it was almost palpable. She could actually feel it crushing her soul. "I'm fine."

Kathryn folded her arms across her chest. "What happened?"

"I don't know?" She shrugged as she sat up throwing her legs over the opposite side of the bed where the doctor stood with his trusty tricorder. "Ask the expert."

"I wish I knew." He frowned, his photonic forehead wrinkling in the process. "I can't find any reason for what happened. According to all my readings she's perfectly healthy."

Tegan smiled. "See." She looked at the doctor studying his features intently. "Wait, you said perfectly healthy?"

"Yes."

"Did you scan me as soon as I lost consciousness?"

Janeway listened with great interest to the conversation.

"Of course, and oddly enough your vitals were stable. Blood pressure was 110 over 65, heart rate was a steady 60, your oxygen saturation was 100 percent, and your potassium was dead center of normal limits."

"Cool." Tegan slipped off the bed and turned to Kathryn. "See, I'm fine."

Kathryn looked at Tuvok who just tilted his head to the side slightly. She knew he wouldn't share what if anything he had learned in the mind meld. She sighed and turned back to Tegan. "I don't want you returning to work today and I'd like for you to stay here until I come back after my shift."

"I don't need a babysitter."

"Captain's orders."

"Of course, Captain." She nodded as she accepted the command.

Janeway returned to sickbay at 1700 hours to find Tegan sitting in the office with her feet propped up on the edge of the desk and crossed at the ankle. "How are you feeling?"

"Great." Tegan dropped her legs and stood up.

She gave her an incredulous look but nodded her head all the same. "Dinner? My quarters?"

"Sure."

"What are you in the mood for?" Kathryn asked as the doors to her quarters shut. "Computer lights full."

"Computer belay that." Tegan gave her an uneven grin as she turned around to look at her with a question etching her features in the dim lighting of the cabin. "I'm in the mood for you."

"You've had an exciting day; I think you need to rest this evening."

"But I'm fine." Tegan stepped into her space and kissed her lips quickly. "Honest." She moved to her jawline and placed a kiss there. "What do I have to do to convince you?"

Kathryn put her hands on Tegan's shoulders to steady herself. "You need to eat."

Tegan smiled as she pressed her lips to the sensitive spot beneath Kathryn's ear. She sucked on it hard enough to bring her intent home but soft enough not to bruise the delicate skin. She pulled her mouth to Kathryn's ear. "Are you sure you want me to stop?"

Kathryn moaned as a sigh of pleasure vibrated her vocal cords and Tegan nibbled on her ear lobe.

"Chakotay to the Captain."

Tegan pulled back and closed her eyes.

"This is Janeway go ahead."

"We have something here you might want to take a look at Captain."

"I'm on my way." She looked at Tegan who was now staring at her.

She felt agitated, but she didn't know why. She knew the captain's job came first and even now she didn't want that to change. She should have just kept her mouth shut, especially considering her confusion over her what she was feeling. "Can't Planky ever do anything without you there to hold his hand? He is the first officer, right?"

"Planky?" It was the first thing she could think of to say. It was that or stand there imitating a starving pacman.

"Yes, as in a board. He's as dumb as a plank of wood." Tegan rubbed her eyes with her thumb and forefinger.

"That's rude." _Even if it's a little true. _ Kathryn studied her for a minute. "And it's not like you to be rude."

Tegan shook her head. "I," she stopped and swallowed. Her emotions were on a roller coaster and she couldn't seem to control them. "It's been a long day and I'm tired. I'm sorry, I honestly don't know where the comment came from."

"Are you jealous of Chakotay?"

"He's your first officer." She answered briskly as she looked down and brushed a piece of imaginary fuzz off her pants.

"That's not really an answer is it?" Without pausing for a response she continued, "I can always cancel our weekly dinners if that's a problem. It's not like we can't discuss business during our regular duty hours."

"No." Her eyes jumped up to meet hers. "Kathryn, I don't want you to. He's your friend and I would never presume to pick your friends."

"Then what's wrong?"

"You need to go." Tegan looked at the door. "You did say you were on your way."

"And you'll be ok?"

"I am going to the mess hall to grab a bite and then I'm hitting the sack early." She reached her hand to cover her gapping mouth as she yawned a genuine yawn.

"Can I stop by your quarters when I'm done?"

The corners of Tegan's lips turned up slightly. "Let yourself in, I might be asleep."

Tegan waited a few minutes after Kathryn left to emerge from the captain's quarters. As each second passed she felt better, more like herself. She managed to make it to the mess hall without running into anyone in the lift or corridors, a minor miracle. As soon as the doors to the mess hall opened she could hear a cacophony of voices over the din of utensils scraping against trays. She walked in and stopped suddenly feeling overwhelmed. It was a similar feeling to what she had when Chakotay had interrupted her and Kathryn, but this time it was tenfold. _Just breathe._

Tuvok watched her enter and stop as if someone had suddenly frozen her in place. As he continued to observe her with great curiosity he noticed the color draining from her body. He stood and quickly strode to her side. "Doctor?"

She didn't move, not even to blink.

Tuvok watched her chest for several seconds not even certain it was moving. "Tegan?"

"Is everything alright Commander Tuvok?" Neelix started to step out from the galley.

Saccharine happiness laced with concern threatened to squeeze her in its death grip.

"Yes Mr. Neelix, I have the situation under control." He stopped him from coming in closer as he grabbed Tegan's upper arm and started to move around her. To his surprise her feet followed and she did a 180 to face the door. He proceeded to lead her out into the hallway.

Almost as soon as they reached the corridor she freed her arm from Tuvok and leaned her back against the wall. Her chest heaved as she caught her breath. "I'm fine." She offered before he could ask.

"I don't believe you are." He disagreed with her. "I believe it would be wise to visit sickbay."

She looked at Tuvok for several minutes before nodding. "Maybe you're right."

"Would you like me to walk with you?"

"No, but I appreciate the offer."


	30. Chapter 30

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 30

She walked into the still relatively empty mess hall and looked over the food. Neelix gave her an eager expression as he waited for her request. "Tegan?"

She pulled her eyes up to meet his, already feeling his dismay. He knew what she was going to say before she ever opened her mouth but still he held onto the hope that he was wrong. "I'm sorry Neelix, I'm not hungry."

"You didn't eat dinner last night."

"I know." She nodded and turned around to find Seven getting up to recycle her tray. "Seven?"

"Doctor?"

"Tegan." She corrected her and watched her nod slightly. "I was wondering if you were up for some hand to hand?"

"There is a program on the holodeck that would suit your needs."

"I lost my privileges." She gave her a cocky smile. "Besides, there's nothing like the real thing."

"Meet me in cargo bay two in one hour."

* * *

"Come in." Janeway lifted her eyes from the book she was reading and tried not to smile when she saw the doors open to reveal Tegan standing there.

"Hey." Tegan stepped inside.

"Hey." Kathryn stood up and moved to the couch. She patted the cushion next to her in invitation.

Tegan walked over and sat down beside her. "How was dinner with Chakotay?"

"You know the usual, burnt meatloaf and conversation."

Tegan nodded.

"What did you do tonight?"

"Seven and I got together."

"You and Seven?"

"Yeah, it's not like I could go rock climbing with B'Elanna or hang out with the boys at Sandrine's."

She knew Tegan wasn't blaming her so she didn't dwell on it. "Did you two hang out in Astrometrics?"

Tegan looked at her curiously. She hadn't said anything but Tegan knew it, she could feel it. "You're jealous."

"No." She shook her head as if that would make her denial more believable. Tegan's denial had at least been plausible, but Kathryn felt she had a lot of reasons to be jealous of Tegan spending time with Seven. For one she was younger and in somewhat better shape than she was. Still she trusted Tegan. "I'm glad you are making friends."

"Yeah." Tegan shrugged. "Anyway, we hung out in cargo bay two."

"Really?" This time it was her tone that betrayed her jealousy.

"We just practiced some self-defense." She smiled at Kathryn. "You're beautiful when you're jealous."

"I'm not jealous." She continued to deny the accusation.

"You're still beautiful." Tegan felt a shift from jealously to joy and embarrassment. _Why am I feeling this way?_

"What kind of self-defense?"

"Hand to hand." Tegan licked her lower lip pausing to touch a still tender cut on the inside where her tooth had punctured it. "B'Elanna and I converse better. Seven and I…"

"Seven is Seven, it'll take time." Kathryn put her hand on Tegan's back.

Tegan flinched at the contact. "Yeah."

"Tegan?" Her tenor dropped.

"I'm fine." She forced as much innocence into her voice as possible.

"Hand to hand?"

"It's nothing." Tegan brushed off her concern.

"Seven's stronger than she looks."

"I'm insulted." Tegan spoke before she could stop herself. _So you do think I'm weak. _She shook her head. She wanted to be mad at her. She was used to people underestimating her strength which usually came in handy. She just didn't want her crew or her captain thinking she wasn't strong. She closed her eyes feeling indignant over the comment but also feeling a sincere regret that she couldn't entirely place until Kathryn spoke.

"I didn't mean…"

"I know." Tegan turned and leaned into her lightly touching her lips to Kathryn's.

Kathryn gave into the kiss for a minute until her brain processed what was going on. _Seriously!_ It was a dirty game to play. She grabbed Tegan's shoulders to push her back but before she could Tegan was on her feet trying to suppress a moan in her throat. "Strip."

"What?" The anger that surrounded her threatened to drown her in a sea of red. Suddenly she knew it wasn't all her anger, but she still couldn't grasp it.

Janeway stood with her hands propped on her hips, her voice commanding. "I said strip."

"It's just a couple of minor contusions."

"If they are so minor, you won't mind showing me."

She knew it wasn't a request and unzipped her uniform jacket; she pulled it off and tossed it haphazardly onto the empty couch. Next she gingerly pulled her shirt off and threw it aside.

Kathryn lifted her hand to the cut on her collar bone.

"Seven's exoskeleton." Tegan spoke as Kathryn moved her hand to the bruise on her shoulder feeling the shift in the hues of emotion. "It's nothing."

Kathryn pulled the hem of Tegan's tank top up and saw a large discolored area spreading from her side around to her back where the capillaries had been broken and dark red blood had pooled just beneath the skin. "Seven beat you?"

"Actually," Tegan smiled slyly. "I beat her. She cried uncle first."

Kathryn shook her head. "You're going to see the doctor."

"It's just a bruise."

"It's not a suggestion."

"I already saw him," she informed her as she held her head a little higher. "He said I'd live."

"Why didn't he treat it?"

"I asked him not to."

"Why?"

Tegan shook her head and picked up her shirt. "If you don't believe me you can ask him."

"Me asking why, isn't me not believing you." She watched her pull on her shirt followed by her jacket. "Tegan?"

"I'm tired. I need to go."


	31. Chapter 31

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 31

She walked into her quarters, leaving the lights at ten percent. She stalked directly to her night stand and jerked the drawer open letting the movement pull her off center. It was still there, exactly where she had left it. She whispered quietly, "delicious."

She probed the bruise on her side with her the first two fingers on her hand while the rest held the dagger firmly. She smirked even as she mentally kicked herself. "Level five hand to hand combat trained and you forget to drop you elbow, leaving the door wide open for Seven." She talked to herself as she began to pace. "That was a rookie mistake."

She still remembered Seven's fist connecting with her jaw and her blood spattering the silvery-gray bio suit the woman wore. She bit her lip opening the wound to taste the thick hint of iron. _It's not enough._ She slammed her back against the wall and slid slowly down it. The blade in her hand talked to her. Beckoned her. Taunted her.

Everything about Tuvok was calm, even when he walked into her quarters to find her holding the dagger with its tip resting on her thigh. She liked that about him, his calmness. She could breathe around him.

"Lieutenant?" He watched her with interest. He would have been more concerned had he just walked in to find her like this, but she had called.

"I didn't mean to wake you. Please, call me Tegan."

"I was not asleep." He looked down at his hand before extending it.

"No." She refused to hand the dagger over. "If I was going to hurt myself I wouldn't have asked you to come." The truth was, it was exactly why she had asked him to come. That and she knew Kathryn would probably freak out and go all Janeway on her. She needed help, for what exactly she didn't know.

"Logically you do not want to hurt yourself but you want to feel the pain."

She stared at him. "What makes you say that?"

"I should have come to you sooner." He admitted. "I've been struggling with the same thing."

"With what?" She wasn't going to admit to anything.

"I crave the pain like an addiction."

_Delicious. _"I don't." She looked away from him, her weakness pushing her. "Besides your Vulcan."

"I can still feel pain." He didn't think she needed to be reminded of the fact.

"Oh right, the whole…" She didn't notice what she was doing, she didn't see him move or hear him before she felt his hand cover hers. She brought her eyes to meet the dark depths of his.

"Indeed." He held her hand and the dagger firmly in place not allowing her to push it in further and not pulling it out of her leg. They both new the truth was they could handle pain to a point. "I will help you."

She looked down at her leg. "I didn't…"

Tuvok touched his badge. "Two to beam to sickbay."

"Please state the nature of the medical…" The doctor was still programed to automatically turn on with his original message when anyone beamed into the infirmary. "You again?" He looked down at her leg and visually examined the shiny silver blade buried in the black uniform material that was soaked with what he could only assume was blood. "Isn't that the…"

"Yes." Tegan growled cutting him off. "Just take care of it."

Tuvok looked at him and nodded.

The doctor noticed the placement of their hands. "Was this self-inflicted?"

"It was an accident Doctor." Tuvok responded before Tegan could, earning a curious look from both her and the holo-doctor. It could have been classified as an accident. She hadn't consciously done it, had she?

"So," The doctor ran his tricorder over the area. He didn't believe Tuvok and posed his question to his patient. "Jurroth's dagger mysteriously transported from the drawer in my office to your leg?"

"That pretty much sums it up." She reasoned it wasn't a lie if they both knew that it wasn't the truth.

"Mmm hmm, I see. You can pull the knife out." The doctor stated flatly as he looked over the medical tricorder. "It's relatively shallow and you didn't damage anything important." He shot her his patented look of complete and utter annoyance as he picked up the dermal regenerator. "I assume you will let me treat you this time?"

Tegan nodded. Despite his sometimes overly dramatic expressions, she noticed the lack of emotion the doctor gave off. It made perfect sense. He was made up of photonic energy and force fields after all. She filed the piece of information away.

"I wonder what Captain Janeway would say if she knew you were in here for the third time in 36 hours."

"Doctor patient confidentiality," Tuvok reminded him.

"If I believe my patient is a danger to herself I have a moral and legal obligation to report it."

"Legal?" Tegan laughed as the doctor scowled at her.

"I have the situation under control." Tuvok assured him and looked at Tegan.

"Besides Janeway knows about my sparring match with Seven." Tegan ignored Tuvok's intense gaze. "I'm surprised she didn't contact you to confirm I'd actually seen you about it."

"She didn't." He looked down at the skin and his brows lifted.

"What?" Tegan asked as he pulled the medical tricorder out and ran it over it again.

"Seventy percent healing. That's new for you, twenty to thirty percent better than your normal." He smiled briefly. "I guess I'm getting better at treating you after all."

"Nana." Tegan whispered ignoring his self-congratulatory pat on the back.

"Your gift?" Tuvok asked.

"I don't know but that would be the logical conclusion." Tegan turned to look at him more directly. "Were they real?"

"I think so." His eyebrow twitched. "We were not in your mind."

"Where were we?" It seemed like the next logical question for her to ask.

"I do not know. I came to you through your mind but we were not in a place fabricated by your brain."

"I don't know, I've got a pretty good imagination." Tegan grinned. "Are we done doctor?"

He blinked and looked up from the tricorder he was pretending to read. "If this continues I will have to report it."

"You already have reported it, to me doctor."

"Of course Commander Tuvok." He pressed his lips into a disproving line.


	32. Chapter 32

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 32

Tegan stood there bouncing her weight from foot to foot, hoping the doors wouldn't open. She swallowed when she heard the gravely alto "come in" seconds before the doors slid open.

"Are you ok?" Kathryn stood and laid her open book face down on the chaise. "It's 0200 hours."

Her head swam. Maybe she wasn't ready to do this. _You're here. It's now or never._

_I vote never._ She shook her head to clear it and as Kathryn sat down on the couch she blurted out; "We need to talk."

Kathryn's stomach clenched and it felt cold.

"It's not that." Tegan was keenly aware of the shift in emotion. She walked over and joined Kathryn on the couch. "It's," she took Kathryn's hand in hers. "There's something wrong," she paused and looked away, "with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you." Kathryn squeezed her hand.

"There is." She suddenly found the carpet in the captain's quarters the most fascinating thing in the galaxy and began to study it intently.

"Why would you say that?"

Tegan slowly pulled her eyes up to meet the concerned slate blue irises that stared at her. "Safety protocols, sparring with Seven, some other things."

"What other things?" Kathryn stiffened slightly.

Tegan moved her gaze to the edge of her face.

"You've been intentionally hurting yourself?"

"Yes," Tegan whispered.

"Why?" Kathryn's voice caught in her throat. "Are you trying to kill yourself?"

"No." Tegan's eyes jumped back to hers. She blinked. "Do you remember what Jurroth said after he ran the torch over his hand?"

"He said a lot of things."

"He burned his hand and said 'delicious' then he said that I would understand if I survived."

"I don't understand." Kathryn searched the shifting greens of her eyes for an answer. "Are you saying it's his fault?"

"Honestly I don't know." _You have to tell her. _"I tend to have a small self-destructive pattern at times."

"Like not eating?"

Tegan shrugged evasively. "Sometimes I'm just too busy to eat or I honestly forget."

Kathryn nodded. "Do you want to hurt yourself now?"

"No."

"When was the last time you wanted to?"

"The night before last when Seven and I sparred." Tegan licked her lip.

"That's why you wouldn't let the doctor treat your wounds?"

"Yes." Tegan shifted her position and pulled her hand out of Kathryn's. "But there's more. After I left here I went back to my quarters and," she paused and adjusted her uniform jacket; "I took one of the daggers Jurroth stabbed me with and while Tuvok and I were talking I stuck it in my leg. I wasn't even aware I did it." Her chest felt so tight it was hard to breathe, she was drowning. She stood up. "I have to go."

"No." Kathryn's voice commanded. "You don't get to tell me this and then leave."

"You don't understand." Tegan moved away as she tried to escape Kathryn's storm of emotion.

"What I don't understand is how Tuvok and I assume the doctor know about this and neither one informed me. I am the captain." She took a deep breath. "The doctor has a duty to report these things to me. You have a duty as a doctor to report these things to me."

"Not when I'm the patient." She tried to maintain a level head despite the swirling feelings fighting for supremacy inside her. "And the doctor mentioned his duty, Tuvok informed him he had already reported it to him. There's more." Tegan sat down again and told Janeway about all of her encounters when she was in her coma and what had happened when she had lost consciousness in sickbay and Tuvok had performed the mind meld. She skipped over any references to her being in love for the time being.

"A gift?" Kathryn's brow wrinkled.

"Yeah, that's what she said. I haven't exactly been myself since then."

"In what way?" Again her concern took over as she searched Tegan's expression for answers.

Tegan let out a burst of air. "I don't know. I can't explain it. But on the upside when the doctor treated my knife wound he was able to get 70% healing. So maybe that was the gift?"

"Maybe," Kathryn didn't sound convinced.

They sat in silence for a little over half an hour while Kathryn processed the information. "Why did you tell me now?"

"What?" Tegan twisted her head and the skin surrounding her eyes wrinkled.

"Why did you tell me now as opposed to last week or three months from now?"

"I didn't know how to tell you last week. I mean I really didn't know then what was happening or why. I didn't want you to worry but I knew I had to tell you."

"I worry about you anyway. You're part of my crew it's my job as captain to worry about my crew."

Tegan interrupted her before she could continue. "Which is exactly why I didn't want to give you anything else to worry about."

"You don't like it when other people worry about you." Kathryn observed aloud. "Well you better get used to it because it's what people do when they care about other people."

"I know."

"You're staying with me tonight."

"I don't need to be put on suicide watch." Tegan huffed.

"I'm not so sure about that."

"Neither one of us is going to get any sleep if I stay."

"And I won't get any sleep if you don't."

She examined her face for a minute. She knew the next play Kathryn would make would and poker wasn't Tegan's strong suit. "Fine."

"How'd you sleep?" Kathryn asked but she already knew. The few hours they were in bed were spent staring up at the ceiling for both of them.

"Oh you know," Tegan pulled the toothbrush out of her mouth, "the usual."

"Mess hall?" Kathryn pulled her own toothbrush out. "I could use some of Neelix's coffee."

Tegan wrinkled her nose. "I think I'll pass."

"You didn't take your potassium this morning." The doctor materialized as she walked into sickbay to scold her.

"I wasn't in my quarters this morning."

"The captain has a replicator." He watched her walk through the office and over to the replicator in sick bay.

"Maybe I was in Chakotay's quarters this morning."

"He's the last person you would stay the night with."

Tegan popped the pill in her mouth and swallowed it dry while trying to find a witty come back. "You're probably right."


	33. Chapter 33

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 33

Janeway looked at Chakotay as Voyager dropped out of warp two unexpectedly and the red lights started flashing. She jumped to her feet and barked. "Engineering report."

"A plasma conduit just blew." B'Elanna answered. "Fuck." She tried to mutter under her breath. "We've got several wounded."

Chakotay jumped from his seat as Janeway nodded to him. "A medical team is on the way. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." B'Elanna looked down at her hand hoping she could hold a hyperspanner long enough to replace the conduit. "Dr. Kiser and Chakotay just joined the party."

"Let me know if you need any help with the repairs. Janeway out."

Tegan looked at the crewmen who were helping the walking wounded get to sickbay. The chaos around her swirled in her brain and threatened to take over and pull her under its surface. She took a deep breath and focused on the crewman Chakotay was helping. "Wait."

Crewman McMann looked up at her with dark brown eyes and pain etched on his face.

"He needs a site to site transport." She reached out and touched his arm. She could feel it in her chest. She started to pull back when he grabbed her wrist and pressed it to his sternum.

"Crewman." Chakotay watched McMann let go of Tegan as she tumbled backwards.

She used the tree as she stood. _The same damn tree._ She loved that tree, she hated that tree. She looked around noting the sky wasn't its normal clear cerulean, above her dark clouds boiled furiously. They looked like someone had filmed them and now played them in fast forward. The wind blew the grass sideways as she looked around. Where were they? They promised they would be here for her. Her chest burned. _I shouldn't feel pain, not here. _"Where are you?"

"Delicious." The voice slithered around her.

_Yes._ "No."

"Feed me."

She looked around but nothing had changed. There was no one there. Just her. The grass. The tree. The wind. "Where the fuck are you?"

"Tegan."

She felt hands on her shoulders—firm, strong hands. She lifted her heavy head as she forced her eyelids to open. They merely fluttered but it was enough to catch a glimpse of reality. Her breath tore like silk being dragged across shards of glass as it carried a single word. "Kathryn."

In front of her a dark figure formed from the blackest cloud above her. It was so dark she thought it would absorb light if there had been much light around them.

"You wanted to see me, here I am." The voice was a deep growl, threatening, barely human.

"Who are you? Where's my nana?" She demanded.

"She's not coming back here, she broke the rules. You aren't coming back here."

"Am I dead?" She watched the looming form pulse in front of her.

It laughed.

"Because of that gift she gave me? You can have the damn gift back, whatever it is. I don't want it."

"I gave you that gift. You've had it since you were conceived." The voice rumbled and the ground shook. Tegan stumbled back into the tree's trunk. "She just accelerated it by a month or two. It was your destiny, this is your destiny."

"I don't believe in destiny."

"I don't care if you believe or you don't believe. It is yours to do with as you chose."

"I don't understand, why me?"

"I'm done answering your questions. It's time for you to leave."

"Delicious." The other voice from earlier slinked around her.

"Is he part of my destiny?" She waited but no answer came. "Is he part of the gift?"

"No." The voice was still abrupt, yet somehow gentler than it had been.

"Can you tell him to shut up?"

"I can but it won't stop it, you have to figure that out on your own." It was gone quicker than it had appeared and with it so were the angry storm clouds and the wind, but she didn't have time to enjoy the calm. She could already feel the weight of concern bearing down around her like a vise.

* * *

"Crewman McMann came in with a fractured sternum from were a piece of equipment turned into a projectile when the conduit blew." The doctor walked his fingers around the console at the foot of the biobed Tegan was currently lying on as he talked to Chakotay and Janeway. "He said he was in pain and then she," his eyes drifted to his redheaded patient, "touched his chest and the pain went away."

"She didn't exactly touch his chest." Chakotay's voice was low. "She touched his upper arm as she told me that he was in need of a site to site transport. Before I could do anything he grabbed her arm and moved her hand to his chest. When he let go she toppled over, I grabbed her shoulders and she regained consciousness for a second." He looked at Janeway. "Long enough to say your name."

"With Mr. Paris' help, I've treated Crewman McMann and the others which were mainly superficial burns, with the exception of B'Elanna. She has refused to leave until she repairs the damage and she wouldn't stop long enough to let Tom treat her."

"She told me she was fine." Janeway frowned.

"Yes," the doctor nodded. "Because she is always forth coming with injuries. She's right up there with you and Dr. Kiser in that regard."

Janeway shook her head and stepped up to the bedside. "What's wrong with her Doctor?"

"That's just it; I can't find anything physically wrong with her. It's like she's taking a nap."

"Can you wake her up?" Chakotay kept his distance from the bed.

"I'd rather not. I believe whatever is happening here needs to run its course."

Tegan lifted her hand and rubbed her eyes. "What course?"

"How are you feeling?" The doctor inquired rather than answer her question.

"Fine?" She rolled herself into a sitting position on the side of the biobed a little too fast and had to grip the edges of it to keep from falling off. "Head rush."

"What happened?" Chakotay shuffled his feet from behind the captain and stood a little taller.

Tegan looked up at him and shrugged. "I guess I just needed a nap?"

Janeway cleared her throat as Tegan slid off the biobed.

"Doctor, you really shouldn't be up." The EMH watched her hold onto the biobed with as much nonchalance as she could muster just to keep her balance.

"I'm fine." She looked to the sickbay doors. "I need to treat B'Elanna, she hasn't been in yet has she?"

"No." He turned his head as the doors slid open with a quiet whoosh as the air from the hallway and sickbay were sucked into each other. "How did you?"

Tegan maneuvered past Janeway, Chakotay and the Doctor who all stood there with their mouths agape as B'Elanna marched in. Tegan pointed to the nearest bed and picked up a dermal regenerator. She gently cradled B'Elanna's elbow in her right hand and the dermal regenerator in her biomechanical one. "This won't take long."

"I feel better already." She studied Tegan's face as she paled lightly. "You don't look so hot."

"I'm fine." She responded softly as the doctor took the regenerator out of her hand and Janeway put an arm around her to escort her back to the biobed she had vacated.

"Chakotay, go to the bridge and send Mr. Tuvok down please."

"Thanks." Tegan leaned heavily against her as they made their way over to the bed.

"Still feel fine?"

"I'm really—tired." She lifted her hand up to the base of Janeway's skull and touched her with just her fingertips.

It was so light it felt like a ghost kissing her. Janeway gasped lightly as Tegan's knees almost gave out under her. "What did you do?"

"You had a headache." Tegan hefted herself onto the side of the bed.

"Yes, but how?" She shook her head which didn't hurt in the least anymore.

"I dunno." Tegan mumbled as she got comfortable on her side and closed her eyes. "Stop worrying would you?" She grinned knowing the exact look Janeway was giving her despite not being able to see through her eye lids.

"You did it last night too, didn't you?"

Tegan shrugged. "I didn't do a very good job last night."

"You wished to see me Captain?" Tuvok walked in, his brow furrowed minimally when he spotted Tegan on a biobed.

"Yes." Janeway glanced around. "But we can't talk here."

"You can use the office." Tegan spoke as she opened her eyes. She really just wanted to go to sleep.

"I want you to join Tuvok and myself."

"She's weak." The doctor reminded.

Tegan shook her head. "I'm just tired. You ran the scans, physically I'm fine. Am I not?"

He sighed. "You are."

"Thank you." She smiled smugly at him as she sat up. She looked over to where B'Elanna had been and then her eyes traveled over to McMann who was resting comfortably on a biobed. Thanks to her he hadn't needed anything stronger than an analgesic after the doctor made the repairs to his sternum. "The office should provide the privacy we need."

"It should, but can you walk that far?" His response was snarky.

"If not we'll help her." Janeway gave him a warning look.

"Don't make mom mad." Tegan whispered to the doctor.

"Mom?" The doctor really should have stopped there but he couldn't help himself. "Is that what you call her behind closed doors?"

Tegan glanced over at McMann who appeared to be asleep. She hoped he was asleep. "That's just sick."

"I do not believe this conversation is appropriate at this time." Tuvok stated flatly.

"At this time?" Tegan looked at him like he had lost his last Vulcan marble. "I don't think there's ever a good time to talk about that."

"You're right, my apologies Captain." The doctor tried to sound genuine as he looked at Tegan and grinned.

She ignored the impish grin as she slipped off the edge of the bed. "Tuvok, may I borrow your arm?"

"Certainly." He held his arm out while Janeway looked curiously between the two of them.

"He's calm." She stated simply. "I'll explain in a minute."


	34. Chapter 34

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 34

Once Tegan was seated and Janeway closed the office door she spoke. "Do you know what's going on?"

Tegan pursed her lips to the side and shrugged noncommittally with her eyebrows.

She turned and addressed Tuvok. "I had a headache and she touched the base of my skull and it was gone. Crewman McMann had a fractured sternum and yet when he arrived in sickbay the doctor said he wasn't in pain. This was after he forced her hand to his chest in engineering, she collapsed as soon as he let go of her, according to Chakotay. She was out for about two hours." Janeway looked at Tegan. "I'm willing to bet if I asked B'Elanna she would say that the pain from her burns went away when you touched her as well."

Another shrug, this time she added her shoulders to the mix. "I don't know if she would or not. I went back to that place." She changed the subject and moved her eyes to meet Tuvok's . "It was darker than before, and there was this thing there."

"A 'thing'? Please clarify." Tuvok requested.

"I wish I could. It was huge; a large dark black figure that formed out of one of the clouds. Stupid I know." She continued and explained what had happened while she was there.

"Delicious?" Tuvok lifted a brow.

"Yeah."

"He didn't tell you what your gift was?" Janeway asked just in case she had forgotten that part.

"I didn't think to ask. I was mad that my grandmother wasn't there. I was mad 'it' was there."

"It?" Janeway's left eyebrow dipped in question.

"'Delicious'." Tegan didn't have a better description for whatever it was.

Janeway nodded. "Do you think that your gift could be that you're able to heal people?"

"Well, I am a physician." Tegan smiled briefly before she became serious. "But I don't know that I can do more than take away pain, and I'm not even sure that I'm doing that."

"Twice now you've helped my head."

Tegan shook her head. "Coincidence."

"I do not believe it is coincidence." Tuvok interjected his observation.

"I don't know."

"Deltan?" Janeway looked at Tuvok.

"I don't think so. She does not have the physical qualities of a Deltan, though the actual ability does sound similar."

"Deltan?" Tegan stared at them both.

"A species with the ability to take pain away merely through the use of physical touch." Tuvok explained without going into detail.

"Interesting." Tegan covered her mouth as she fought against the urge to yawn and lost.

"But at what cost?" Janeway asked as her eyes traveled Tegan. "You collapsed after what happened with Mr. McMann, and after helping B'Elanna and touching the back of my head you almost collapsed again."

"Stop worrying." Tegan sighed. She was ready to get out of the tiny room before she drowned in the sea of Kathryn's worry. "Besides we don't know that I helped McMann. We also don't know that if I did help him that it is what caused me to lose consciousness, and I was tired when you were helping me—that's all."

Kathryn watched Tegan rub the bridge of her nose. "Does your head hurt?"

"No."

"There's something you're not telling me." Her eyes narrowed on Tegan.

Tegan took a deep breath. "I'm tired."

"Something else." Tuvok watched Tegan's eyes shoot up to his confirming his statement.

She just looked at him but didn't say anything. After a few minutes he and Janeway made eye contact, Kathryn lifted her brow and shook her head. "You can return to the bridge Tuvok."

"Yes ma'am."

She looked at Tegan for several seconds after he left. "I want you to stay with me tonight."

"Fine." Tegan decided not to argue with her.

"In fact when the doctor releases you, you can go ahead and go there."

"Yes ma'am." She grinned.

Tegan almost immediately talked the doctor into discharging her and promised him she would rest for the remainder of the day. She left sickbay and went to her quarters and put Fraggle two in a box because it looked better than carrying it down the hall by a leg or taking a duffle bag into the captain's quarters. When she arrived in Kathryn's quarters she took a sonic shower and dressed in a pair of cotton running shorts and a replicated Johns Hopkins medical school t-shirt and laid down on the couch with her stuffed Starfleet command frog and a PADD.

Kathryn walked in an hour after her shift ended to find Tegan sprawled on the couch with the frog under one arm and the PADD resting up against her breast. She walked over and gently picked the PADD up. She didn't want to wake her but the soft click the PADD made when she rested it on the coffee table woke her. "Hey."

"Hello sleeping beauty." Kathryn turned and grinned down at her as she scooted into a sitting position and pulled her legs under her.

Tegan hummed and made a face. "Did you find out what happened in engineering?"

"Bad plasma conduit, it over heated and blew. That's the problem with being stuck out here for so long it's not like we can pull into dry dock and get a complete over haul. We're lucky the injuries weren't worse than they were. B'Elanna is going to do maintenance checks on all the vital systems, herself over the next few weeks."

"I know she wants to do them herself because she's a perfectionist about engineering stuff, but Seven could help her and it would go a lot faster."

"You're right." Janeway joined her on the couch. "I'll suggest it to her tomorrow. So how are you feeling?"

"Strangely really good." She let Kathryn pull the frog off her lap.

"Bad dreams?"

She shook her head. "I'm not sure why I picked him up."

"What do you want to eat tonight?"

"Isn't it Chakotay's night?"

Kathryn nodded. "I told him we'd skip it this week, I'm really not up to entertaining tonight."

"In that case…"

"You don't need entertaining."

"I don't?" Tegan wagged her brows seductively at her.

"Well that's entertainment for both of us. I'm up for that," She grinned. "I'm not sure you are."

"I'm totally up for that." Tegan smiled. "I'm fine, I even had two naps today to prepare for that."

"You're bad."

"I am?" Tegan moved closer to her and kissed her cheek softly. "Are you sure about that?"

"Uh huh." Kathryn groaned as a hand cupped her breast through her uniform. "Very bad."

Tegan unzipped her tunic. "But you like bad don't you?"

"Why do I get the feeling you're just trying to get out of eating dinner?" Kathryn pulled back and searched her eyes.

"Dinner?"

"Yes, you know that meal you eat around 1900 hours."

"We've got time to think about it." Tegan pushed her jacket off her shoulders and kissed her deeply.

Kathryn gently cleared her throat and guided Tegan's body away from her. "No."

"No?" Tegan looked at her like she had lost her mind. She could feel Kathryn's heat in more ways than one. They hadn't had sex since before she had gotten her gift. The one time she had tried Chakotay had interrupted them to have the captain take a look at some interstellar phenomena.

"You aren't going to get out of eating by distracting me with mind blowing sex."

"It is mind blowing isn't it?" Tegan let a cocky grin slip onto her face. "I wasn't trying to avoid dinner. I'm not hungry yet, but if you are we can go ahead and eat."

"I just want to know what you want to eat."

Her grin transmorphed from cocky to downright devilish and she purred, "You."

Kathryn tried to keep a serious air about her as she pushed away. "I meant food."

"Fine." Tegan stood up and looked at her attire. "Let's go see what Neelix is serving."

"You're going like that?" Kathryn pulled her jacket back on and made herself presentable while pushing her libido aside for a little while.

"I am wearing a bra." Tegan nodded.

Kathryn watched her face mutate from jovial to something she couldn't quite put her finger on. "What?"

"Maybe we should just replicate something. I've got plenty of rations and a quiet dinner sounds more appealing."

Kathryn studied her for a minute. "Are you sure you're feeling ok?"

"I'm fine." Tegan stepped up and kissed her lightly on the lips. "You worry too much."

"With you it's never enough, I'm sure." Kathryn let her kiss her again.

"Let me replicate dinner?" Another kiss and she moved away.

"Ok."

"It won't be the same as if I had a kitchen and could fix dinner from scratch, but it'll have to do."

"I'm sure it will be just fine." Kathryn watched her move to the replicator and program in several things by hand.

When she was done she requested, "Computer replicate Tegan alpha zero two five, two servings. What would you like to drink?"

Kathryn watched her put the two salads on the table. She surprised herself when she requested water. "Chicken and pecans?"

"Chicken, pecans, dried cranberries, romaine and green leaf lettuce with honey mustard on the side."

"It looks great." Kathryn drizzled her dressing over her salad and took a bite. "Oh, that is wonderful."

Tegan smiled and took a bite of her own.


	35. Chapter 35

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 35

Tegan was lying on a biobed, her eyes closed with a scan running when the doors opened and Janeway walked in. She looked over at the bed and frowned before looking at the doctor who smiled at her letting her know everything was fine. She nodded briefly before she exited the way she came. The doctor looked back down at the real-time readout on the monitor a crease forming in the photons creating his forehead.

Tegan kept her eyes closed as she spoke. "That was Captain Janeway wasn't it?"

"Yes." The doctor continued to look at the scan not thinking too much of it.

Tegan opened her eyes and looked at the ceiling. "She's worried, she feels guilty, and she has a slight headache forming at the back of her eyes."

Everyone suspected Captain Janeway was carrying around guilt over the whole incident with stranding them there, and it was reasonable to assume she was worried, but the doctor couldn't overlook the fact Tegan could pinpoint the exact location of her headache. When he took all of her observations and coupled them with what he had seen on the monitor he couldn't help think that it was something more than mere intuition. "Interesting."

"What?"

"I'd like to try something."

"Fine."

* * *

Tegan looked up as Janeway and Tuvok entered sickbay. She had requested they join her and the EMH after he had gone over his findings with her. She held her arm out indicating the office where they could be seated while listening to the doctor prattle on.

"I didn't want to tell you until I knew for sure." She started by way of explanation.

Janeway kept both feet flat on the ground and straightened her back. "Does this have something to do with the brain scan you were having done this morning?"

"Yes." She looked at the EMH for him to share his findings.

"Tegan asked me to run a basic brain scan on her. She didn't tell me what she was looking for and I had hoped she would share her findings if she found what she was looking for."

"Could we get to the point Doctor?" Janeway requested tersely.

He frowned lightly. "Anyway, when you came in this morning, I noticed a couple different areas of her brain became much more active. She never actually saw you here but when you left she was able to identify you."

"She does that anyway." Kathryn glanced at Tegan who smiled softly.

"Yes, my mild form of ESP."

"Yes but this was more than just sensing that you were in the room, she was able to state two emotional states you were feeling, mainly guilt and concern, and that you had the beginning of a headache forming behind your eyes."

"It's gotten a little worse since this morning." Tegan stood up and moved behind her running her fingers up the back of her neck before she could protest she closed her eyes and placed the tips of her fingers ever so lightly on Kathryn's scalp. She moved her fingers to another spot before opening her eyes and feeling slightly lightheaded. "Better?"

Janeway nodded. "You do that to the wrong person and they're liable to break your arm."

Tegan bowed her head briefly. "I'm sorry, I should have asked permission."

Janeway accepted her apology with a tilt of her head as Tegan sunk back into her chair while trying to keep her near perfect posture.

"Tired?" Tuvok observed her intently.

"No." She looked at the EMH. "Please go on."

"I was extremely interested in what the scan was indicating but I couldn't be sure it wasn't a fluke or something correlated with the relationship you two have. Which would be interesting on its own. I decided to run more testing and I put up a barrier between the biobed Tegan was in and the rest of sickbay. I then had several members of Voyager come in for a few minutes and stand quietly before leaving. They never saw her and she never saw them. Between each person Tegan would tell me all she could about them. Some of them she was able to name and some she was not."

"Could you be more specific?" Tuvok requested.

Tegan took a breath. "I probably don't need to point it out, but this is confidential. I'm sure some people may not appreciate what I'm about to share." She waited for Tuvok and Janeway to agree before she continued. "The first person to come in was anxious with an overabundance of merriment."

"Neelix." Both Janeway and Tuvok said in unison.

"See," Tegan looked at the doctor, "I'm not the only one who can name him based on emotion alone."

The doctor merely shook his head. "Go on."

"The next person was a little shy, very happy with a hint of fear and concern, I quickly deduced it was none other than Naomi Wildman. Then there was B'Elanna, I knew her almost immediately she was she was angry, horny, and there was a twinge of pain dancing in there, plus I could smell her. That natural mixture of lavender and lilacs." She watched Janeway shake her head slightly at the description and felt just the slimmest glimmer of jealousy bubble in her stomach. "I didn't know who the next person was, just that they were annoyed."

"Seven wasn't too happy to be pulled away from astrometrics without an explanation." The doctor interjected.

"Considering the annoyance I should have been able to guess that one." Tegan shook her head. "Next person I didn't have a clue. They were confused, probably wondering why they had been asked to come to the infirmary. There was also a hint of nervousness."

"Crewman Chell."

Janeway pressed her lips into a thin line.

"Then you came in." She looked at Tuvok. "You're always so calm, I think I would recognize your calmness anywhere."

He moved his head ever so slightly.

"Tuvok was followed by, a happy female. She was actually bubbly feeling." Tegan shivered slightly as she remembered the way it made her feel.

"Crewman Anderson." The doctor offered.

"And the last one, not sure why I didn't guess who he was, another calm one with a hint of curiosity and happiness."

"Commander Chakotay stopped in while making rounds." The doctor informed them. "I spoke to each individual and asked them if the feelings I had recorded were correct. All of them confirmed they were, except B'Elanna who merely blushed. I told her that a heightened state of arousal was perfectly normal."

"I'm surprised she didn't rewrite your program Doctor." Janeway chuckled.

"Oh she threatened to." He lifted a brow. "Each time the same areas of Tegan's brain would become more active, mainly the areas we associate with psionic activity."

"Telepathic?" Janeway wondered why Tegan hadn't mentioned it.

"Empathic, it would appear."

"Well I certainly can't read minds." Tegan grinned and shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

"Your gift?"

She looked at Tuvok for a second. "Or my curse."

"Is this why you've been avoiding the mess hall?" Janeway started to put the pieces together.

"It's a little chaotic when there are a lot of people in one space. Overwhelming," she clarified. "And Neelix is wonderful but sometimes his emotions are so—loud."

"I may be able to help you to not be so open to the emotions of others. To help you find balance and control."

"Thanks Tuvok, I'd really appreciate any help."

"We can begin this evening."

Tegan looked at Kathryn who nodded letting her know whatever plans she had for them that evening would wait. She really wanted to pick up where they had left off the night before since Kathryn had been called away almost as soon as they had finished eating. "I'm not sure I want everyone knowing."

"That's understandable," Janeway agreed. "But I do believe senior staff needs to be made aware."

"Of course."


	36. Chapter 36

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 36

Tegan took a deep breath and forced it out through her nose before she pushed to her feet and joined Tuvok in front of the viewport in his quarters. "You know I haven't felt like hurting myself since my grandmother did whatever."

"Gave you your gift." He turned and looked at her.

"My curse."

"Is that how you really feel about it?"

"I don't know." Meditation was supposed to make her feel calmer right? "You're calm, how come I don't feel that way?"

"Maybe because you are focusing on your own feelings?"

She glared at him. _I don't want to focus on my feelings. _

"What do you feel?"

"I don't know." She lied.

"I don't believe you." He stated it in a way only Tuvok could.

She looked out into the dark sky and the stars that were slowly moving past. "I'm mad, frustrated. I didn't ask for this."

"No, you didn't."

"What if Janeway changes her mind about us in light of this?" She didn't know why she had said that. Why she had trusted him enough to actually pose the question aloud.

"I can't be certain but I do not believe this will change her feelings for you." He knew it was hard for Tegan to open up like this.

"How are you doing with the whole… pain thing?" She could feel the minute shift.

"I am dealing with it. It is becoming easier to ignore."

"Meditation?"

"Yes."

She looked around. "I should probably go."

"Same time tomorrow?"

"I'll do my best to be here."

* * *

"Tegan?" Kathryn closed her book and looked over at her. She had her eyes closed and her head was resting on the back of the couch.

"Hmm?" She raised her eyebrows in question but didn't open her eyes.

"You can go to bed if you're tired."

"I'm fine." She yawned.

"Sure you are."

"Actually," she opened her eyes and sat up, "I should head back to my quarters." She felt Kathryn's mood shift.

"You're welcome to stay here." _Why don't you ask her to stay? Tell her you want her to stay. _"How are your sessions with Tuvok going?"

"It's been a week and I haven't made it into the mess hall at dinner time yet." Tegan shrugged. In that week they hadn't spent any quality time together. "You don't like dating an empath do you?"

"I didn't say that."

She smiled. She had put her on the spot and while the hues of emotion shifted Tegan hadn't felt a negative vibe. "No you didn't."

"Do you really think I feel that way?"

"No." Tegan shook her head. "But I probably would."

"Nothing to hide behind?"

"Something like that. I like my walls."

"I know."

"I—" She didn't want to do this now. There was supposed to be candlelight and a romantic dinner atop a white tablecloth. It wasn't supposed to be blurted out in the middle of an ordinary conversation on a boring night. She could feel the beginnings of panic as she paused but she wasn't sure if it was her or Kathryn. She had a harder time discerning Kathryn's feelings from her own sometimes. She took a deep breath. "I love you."

A flood of relief washed over her followed by a wave of pure unadulterated joy.

Kathryn smiled. "Then stay the night."

Tegan nodded.

"Good." Kathryn leaned forward and kissed her. When she pulled back she wiped the pads of her thumbs over Tegan's checks collecting a few stray tears that had escaped her eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing."

"You're projecting," Kathryn observed. "I'm happy."

"You were happy, now you're concerned."

"Of course I'm concerned, you're crying." She held onto her shoulders.

"I'm crying because I love you." Tegan laughed, she was crying because of the overwhelming joy she was feeling. Joy she was certain wasn't entirely her own. "They're happy tears."

"I didn't think you cried."

"I don't cry." She sat up straighter. "And you better not tell anyone about this, they'll think you're crazy."

"Will they?"

Tegan reached up and cupped Kathryn's cheek as she moved in to kiss her. "Uh huh." She kissed her lips softly. "Do you think we'll be interrupted tonight?"

"I certainly hope not." Kathryn tangled fingers in her hair and sucked on her lower lip. "Let's move this to the bedroom."

Tegan reluctantly pulled back and followed her into the bedroom pulling off her jacket as she went. Once she was down to her regulation underwear and bra she helped Kathryn shed her clothes. "You know," Tegan let her eyes slowly rove her body as she absorbed everything Kathryn was feeling. "You have a very beautiful body."

"You just know all the right things to say now don't you?"

"Did I not before?"

Kathryn thought for a moment. "You know, you did."

Tegan smiled and pushed her back on the bed before climbing on top of her. "I have a question."

"Uh huh." Kathryn reached around and unfastened Tegan's bra and pulled it off so her breasts could sway freely in front of her.

"Are we exclusive?" She grinned as Kathryn froze for a second.

"What kind of woman do you take me for?"

"I just wanted to clarify." Tegan leaned down and kissed her. "So, are we?"

"If you cheat on me you'll think what Jurroth did to you was foreplay."

Tegan shivered lightly.

"Sorry I didn't mean to…"

"Shhh." Tegan covered her mouth with hers hushing her as their tongues danced. "You don't have to worry about that."

"You want exclusivity too?"

Tegan looked her deep in the eyes. "I love you, Captain Kathryn Janeway and you alone."

Kathryn rolled them over so she was on top. "Good, and you'd better not forget it."

"Aye Captain." Tegan unhooked her bra and pulled it off grinning as rose colored nipples puckered into hard peaks.

Kathryn slid her own underwear off followed by Tegan's before she laid half on top of her straddling her thigh. She kissed her jaw and neck while her fingers danced over her breasts feeling the minor scarring left behind from Jurroth.

"Don't think about it." Tegan whispered as her hand stilled. "It doesn't hurt and the doctor thinks after another run with the dermal regenerator they'll be good as new."

"I'm not sure how I feel about the doctor looking at your breasts." Kathryn lowered her head and kissed each one running her tongue over them before coming back up to kiss Tegan's lips.

"Only you get to play with them." Tegan giggled.

Kathryn nipped at her lower lip and trailed her fingers down to the apex of her legs feeling the slick inviting heat as Tegan brought her leg up to meet her own sex. She moaned softly as she moved her lips to Tegan's ear.

She could feel the desire building in her from somewhere it never had before. She wanted to feel Kathryn in her, she needed to feel her. Even as her fingers slid teasingly over her most sensitive area she craved more. Hot moist air tickled her ear as Kathryn whispered throatily, "breathe."

She gasped as two fingers entered her and Kathryn's hips moved in rhythm with her fingers. She kissed Tegan's jaw and sucked on her ear as she pushed her closer and closer to the edge. Just as she started to feel the slightest tremble in Tegan's body she licked her lips and spoke in a shaky alto, "I love you."

Those three little words pushed her right over the edge and she pulled Kathryn with her into the most intense orgasm she had ever had as she felt Kathryn's emotions tumble into her own. When Kathryn finally caught her own breath she lifted her head and pushed Tegan's hair back. "You're crying again."

"It's cathartic." Tegan grinned gently. "You said you love me?"

"I wanted to tell you before but I was afraid it was too soon. I didn't want to scare you off."

"You're cute." Tegan kissed the tip of her nose.

"And you're beautiful." She smiled as Tegan blushed.


	37. Chapter 37

Tegan Chronicles STV Style 3:

What's Left of the Flag 37

"Tuvok," Janeway caught up with him in the corridor.

"Yes Captain?"

"There's something I've wanted to ask you about since the whole incident with Jurroth." She fell into step beside him. "When he first connected the neural link I thought I detected a hint of pain."

"You did."

"Because of the way the link was connected?"

"No, my left arm burned like nothing I have ever experienced before."

"Tegan's arm."

"I believe so." He nodded.

"Thank you Tuvok."

* * *

Tegan growled as she jumped to her feet startling Tuvok from his meditation. "This isn't working."

"Are you meditating on your own?"

"Yes."

"Is it helping?" He put the flame on his lamp out and moved it back to the table.

"I don't know." She was agitated again and reached out for Tuvok's calm.

He held a finger up stopping her. "I will not always be there when you need to find an anchor in the storm. You must become your own anchor."

She ran her hand through her hair leaving it standing in disarray.

"Maybe you need to experiment with some different meditation techniques. There are several holoprograms you could explore."

"I'm grounded, remember."

"I will talk to the captain about lifting your restrictions."

"I can't do this Tuvok." She paced the small space in front of him.

"You are used to being in control of your emotions."

She spun toward him. "Yes. And I'm used to knowing that what I am feeling is mine and mine alone."

"It is frustrating."

"That's an understatement." She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry."

"You do not need to apologize. I am here whenever you need my assistance."

"I appreciate it." She studied him for a minute. "You've changed towards me since our whole abduction experience."

"Our experience," he chose to echo her wording, "taught me a great deal about you. I learned just how much I can trust you."

"Of course," she nodded. She should have known a Vulcan would have to earn trust and not hand it out freely like Captain Janeway had. Not that she had trusted Tegan before doing her research, but they both knew earlier on there had to be some give and take. She smiled lightly at the thought before bringing herself back to the present conversation. "Thank you. I really should get going; I believe the captain is expecting me for dinner."

* * *

Tegan went to her quarters and stood in the sonic shower long enough to get the day's filth cleaned from her body. It was one of the things she loved to do at the end of her shift even if she hadn't seen a single patient . She put on a pair of jeans, a white tank top that clung to her and a purple and green plaid button down over it. When she touched the button pad outside the captain's quarters the door automatically opened.

"You're early." Kathryn looked up from the PADD she was looking at. She was still in her uniform or all of it except her jacket. "I was finishing reading a maintenance report I didn't get to earlier today."

Tegan pointed at the door as she explained her meditation session with Tuvok ran short.

"I reprogramed it to give you access."

"Isn't that like giving me a key?" Tegan blushed.

Kathryn gave her a half smile. "It is. Is that a problem?"

"No, no problem."

"Are you hungry?"

"I can wait." Tegan indicated the PADD with her chin.

"I'm done, but I wouldn't mind getting a shower."

Tegan nodded. While Kathryn was in the shower she replicated two steak dinners pulling them from the Captain's personal list.

"Do you know every time I replicate this in here it comes out with a nice charcoal crust?" Kathryn cut into her perfectly cooked steak.

"Is it mooing?"

"You remember that?" Kathryn grinned as she thought back on the comment Seven had made and Tom's added sound effects.

"Yes, I was only half dead at the time."

"That's not funny." She scolded.

"I thought it was, and hey if I can't laugh about it…"

"Fine, the important thing is you are alive and well now."

"Very alive." She cut into her steak which was void of pink inside just the way she liked it.

Tegan turned after she finished recycling the dishes to find Kathryn standing almost right behind her. "Hey."

Kathryn didn't say anything as she reached up and pulled Tegan's dog tags out from under her shirt.

"I can take them off."

"No." Kathryn studied them as they rested in her hand, the ball-chain still around Tegan's neck.

"It's not part of the Starfleet regulation uniform. I shouldn't still be wearing them."

"You aren't in uniform." Her voice took on more smoke and grit than it normally had. "It's part of your appeal."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Your appeal. It's what you have left." She tried to explain as she ran her thumb along the edge of the black silencer on one of the tags. "It's what's left of the flag, your flag."

"But they're just pieces of metal."

"It's symbolic." Kathryn laid them gently against her chest and kissed her briefly.

"Of a life that will never be again."

"What if it could be?" Kathryn tried to keep the insecurity from her voice forgetting for a second that this was Tegan she was talking to.

"You mean what if I could go back to my time line?"

"Yes."

"And leave you?" Tegan reached up and brushed the pad of her thumb over Kathryn's lower lip.

"Yes."

"That's a hard decision." She pulled her hand away. "I mean, it was my life." She grabbed her dog tags and pulled on them until the chain gave way. She held them up between her and Kathryn and watched them dangle silently. "It was my life." She opened her hand and let them fall at their feet. "I can't leave you. This is my life."

Kathryn's eyes glistened with tears as Tegan leaned in and kissed her again.

"Don't cry."

"Tears of joy." Kathryn mumbled as their lips met again.

Tegan laid on her side running her fingers through Kathryn's hair in post satiated bliss, nothing more than a single sheet covered their naked bodies. "I hate this."

"What?" Kathryn's brow furrowed.

Tegan leaned in and kissed her. "How much I need you. I don't think I've never needed anyone in my life before, not since my nana died."

"I think you've always needed someone, you just had to learn to do it on your own."

"But I like that. I like being independent."

"You're still independent, Miss I turn off the safeties on the holodeck." She grinned and lifted her lips to Tegan's. When she pulled back she spoke again. "It's human nature to need people. It doesn't make you weak. It makes you normal."

"Me normal?"

"You know what I mean." Kathryn rolled over guiding Tegan onto her back. "Want to try for five?"

"Are you trying to seduce me or kill me?"

"I was going trying to get you to scream my name in ecstasy but since you rarely even moan when we're having sex I'm ready to give up on that ploy."

"Really Kathryn, you want me to scream your name when I come?" She blushed even as she said the word.

"No, I just want to make you happy."

"Oh you do. You make me very happy." She moved her fingers to the apex of Kathryn's legs and slid them through wet curls and slick folds to find her entrance. "But I like it when you moan my name."

* * *

A/N: I am currently working on the next 3 stories in the series and will be out of town for several days so please bear with me. I appreciate those of you who have taken the time to review, follow and/or favorite this and other of my writings. Those of you who are silently reading it's ok, I hope you are enjoying it and thank you for your time as well. Again if you aren't following me and you are interested in this or the other series hit the follow button to be updated when I post new stuff.


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